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We Can Guess What Denomination You Are By How You Pray
Babylon Bee ^ | 05/22/2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 05/22/2022 5:44:21 PM PDT by DFG

Depending on who you ask there are many ways to say grace before a meal. You show us how you pray when gathered with others and we'll tell you what that says about your theology.

So listen carefully next time during grace and that'll be a dead giveaway as to what that person believes.

The prayer is for massively unhealthy fried chicken and casseroles to nurture our bodies - Baptist

Every other word is "thou", "thy", or "yeoldethinesteth" - KJV Baptist

Prayer is led by a woman - Hey, wait a minute, you're not a Christian!

Prayer is about how terrible, awful, and undeserving we all are of the food we're about to eat - Calvinist

No prayer - Unitarian

Makes strange hand gestures, might be praying or summoning an eldritch Lovecraftian horror - Catholic

Starts with Daddy God - Episcopalian

Start with Mother God - Episcopalian

Recites ancient prayer claimed to have been the exact words the Apostle Peter prayed over his fish tacos - Eastern Orthodox

Makes everyone hold hands - Your mom. DAAAAAANG!

Says cute little liturgical prayer between gulps of beer - Lutheran

By thanking the moon and sun god for this bountiful harvest - Wait a second! You're a pagan!

Pray incantations in Latin - Catholics again

Pray incantations in Pig Latin - Joe Biden

Only Dad prays in this house - Presbyterian

Peek through your eyelids during prayer to see if the tide is back in and the surf is lookin' gnarly - Calvary Chapel

Silent prayer over delicious oatmeal - Quaker

Prays in Hebrew and glances around to see if everyone noticed - Seminary student

No prayer just rolling around on the floor saying gibberish - Pentecostal

Well there you have it folks! That's the definitive list of all the different ways to say grace.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; christian; denomination; grace; prayer
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To: Born in 1950

You’re Lutheran

Probably LC-MS or WELS


21 posted on 05/22/2022 8:28:22 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: Some Fat Guy in L.A.

cute :)


22 posted on 05/22/2022 8:28:58 PM PDT by Secret Agent Man (Gone Galt; not averse to Going Bronson.)
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To: AnAmericanMother

I am not a Catholic, but my closest friend is. She is expert in all things musical, and her church has Latin services.

I am a semi-professional chorister, and have sung many times in Catholic services, sometimes for hire (for major events and works), but often gratis.

Of all things I have sung, “Ave verum corpus” [K. 618] is my favorite.


23 posted on 05/22/2022 8:37:26 PM PDT by YogicCowboy (I know what I like, and like what I know.)
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To: Tell It Right
once the apostles wrote it down as Scripture it's the ground and pillar of our faith.

Funny; that's not what the Bible says. It is the Church -- not Scripture -- that is the pillar and ground of the truth. 1 Tim 3:15.

Neither Irenaeus nor Tertullian said to abide by tradition that was not written down as Scripture.

Didn't they? Funny; the Bible does. 2 Thess 2:15. And elsewhere.

24 posted on 05/22/2022 8:39:44 PM PDT by Romulus
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To: Secret Agent Man

Lutheran. Pretty good, Secret Agent Man. American Lutheran Church formed in 1960 merging with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America in ‘87.

Raised in it. Sunday School. Forsook the gathering of the assembly in 1963.


25 posted on 05/22/2022 8:51:38 PM PDT by Born in 1950 (Anti left, nothing else.)
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To: TheWriterTX

Yes, from Moorasmoor.


26 posted on 05/22/2022 10:15:21 PM PDT by TheWriterTX (Trust not in earthly princes....!)
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To: Romulus; Dundee
I agree.

St. Paul adjures his recipients to keep "what you have heard from us either by letter, or by word of mouth." And St. John says that he's only written down a fraction of the things that Christ said and did, because if he told everything there wouldn't be a book (scroll) big enough to hold it all.

27 posted on 05/23/2022 7:11:59 PM PDT by AnAmericanMother (Ecce Crucem Domini, fugite partes adversae. Vicit Leo de Tribu Iuda, Radix David, Alleluia!)
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To: YogicCowboy
We sing that one too! a lot!

But my favorite "Ave verum" is the little jewel by William Byrd of England - "Our Fenix, Mr. Byrd."

Byrd, Ave verum corpus

Our choirmaster (a DMA Juilliard) says it may be the most perfect short motet ever composed. I can't disagree (but I was raised Anglican, so . . . )

28 posted on 05/23/2022 7:21:03 PM PDT by AnAmericanMother (Ecce Crucem Domini, fugite partes adversae. Vicit Leo de Tribu Iuda, Radix David, Alleluia!)
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To: Romulus; Tell It Right

The Truth is God’s word that a pillar is supposed to uphold.

The pillar is not the truth itself.

Catholicism is NOT Truth no matter how many times they claim it is.

Besides, Catholicism is not what determines Scripture and did not give it to us.

Scripture is of the Jews and Jesus Himself throughout the gospels tells us what books of Scripture are Scripture. He called the Law and the prophets Scripture and that He came to fulfill them. That’s all the validation anyone needs for any book of the OT.

Putting Catholicism and its traditions above God will not end well for those who do it. God will not share His glory with another.


29 posted on 05/29/2022 4:34:22 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith…)
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To: AnAmericanMother
St. Paul adjures his recipients to keep "what you have heard from us either by letter, or by word of mouth." And St. John says that he's only written down a fraction of the things that Christ said and did, because if he told everything there wouldn't be a book (scroll) big enough to hold it all.

Which is not license for any religion to make up traditions it wants and to treat them as equivalent to Scripture.

There is simply no way to verify that what Catholicism claims are sacred oral tradition was actually taught by the apostles or that it was passed down faithfully and accurately for 2,000 years without corruption.

The only way to do that would be to have written it down.

Oh wait……

30 posted on 05/29/2022 4:38:14 PM PDT by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith…)
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To: metmom
They did. Read the Didache. Read the Early Church Fathers. It's all laid out there.
31 posted on 05/30/2022 9:17:13 AM PDT by AnAmericanMother (Ecce Crucem Domini, fugite partes adversae. Vicit Leo de Tribu Iuda, Radix David, Alleluia!)
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