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Local Carpenter Continues To Spread Disinformation Deemed Harmful By Religious Experts
Babylon Bee ^ | 05/01/2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 05/01/2022 11:12:21 AM PDT by DFG

JERUSALEM—Religious experts have begun voicing concerns that a local carpenter’s disinformation is spreading among Israelites most susceptible to unapproved ideas.

“Visit your nearest synagogue for the latest information on how to obey God. Listen to the experts!” A contingent of authorities in Jewish law spoke out against the carpenter’s simple teaching about loving God and your neighbor. “Follow the data—we need tithes, loopholes, and ever-changing rules, not repentant hearts!”

The usually divided Pharisees, Sadducees, and Scribes showed solidarity in fact-checking Jesus’s teaching. “We rate Jesus’s teaching as ‘Needs Context,’" said a spokesman for the group.

Eyewitnesses have confirmed that a group of Independent Fact Checkers followed the carpenter around holding large signs with disclaimers above his head: “SINCE YOUR SERMON INCLUDES INFORMATION ABOUT OBEYING GOD’S LAW, WE’VE ADDED DIRECTIONS TO THE NEAREST SYNAGOGUE.”

At publishing time, the religious experts were conspiring with the government to keep the dangerous disinformation from spreading into Judea, Samaria, or to the uttermost parts of the earth.


TOPICS: History; Humor
KEYWORDS: carpenter; disinformation; jerusalem; satire; synagogue

1 posted on 05/01/2022 11:12:21 AM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

Touché…


2 posted on 05/01/2022 11:13:32 AM PDT by MCSETots
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To: DFG

Beautiful.


3 posted on 05/01/2022 11:17:11 AM PDT by clintonh8r (Truth is hate speech to those who hate the truth)
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To: DFG

Well done and clever. As the Supreme Court said there can be no legal restrictions on free speech. The best response to free speech that you don’t like is more free speech. Free speech is an inherent in humans . Any restrictions are contrary to human nature and well being.


4 posted on 05/01/2022 11:19:33 AM PDT by allendale
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To: DFG

“Love your enemies?! What’s that all about? If that catches on, it will ruin our eye-for-an-eye programs!”


5 posted on 05/01/2022 11:27:30 AM PDT by Deo volente ("When we see the image of a baby in the womb, we glimpse the majesty of God's creation." Pres. Trump)
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To: DFG

bttt


6 posted on 05/01/2022 11:55:40 AM PDT by BenLurkin ((The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion, or satire. Or both.))
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To: Deo volente

Not to mention the wonderful business programs we have with money changing in the temple and currying favor with the Roman occupation army . . .


7 posted on 05/01/2022 12:07:44 PM PDT by Vigilanteman (The politicized state destroys aspects of civil society, human kindness and private charity.)
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To: DFG

False-flag provocations to bump up book sales and undermine the natural territorial domain and security concerns of the Roman Empire!


8 posted on 05/01/2022 12:25:39 PM PDT by lump in the melting pot
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To: DFG
Local bakers and fishermen suffer economic disaster as heretical carpenter bribes crowd with free food.
9 posted on 05/01/2022 2:32:11 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (If Hitler invaded Hell, I would make at least a favourable reference of the Devil...-Churchill)
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To: DFG

Writing for the Bee must be the easiest job in the world right now.


10 posted on 05/01/2022 7:47:39 PM PDT by Some Fat Guy in L.A. (Still bitterly clinging to rational thought despite its unfashionability)
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To: DFG
Changing water into wine has got to be against some EPA regulation.
11 posted on 05/01/2022 7:51:58 PM PDT by Billthedrill
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