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Consult a Family Law Attorney.

Most will do an initial consult for free to find out whether you have any viable legal path you can navigate.

In the consult, discuss the Elder Abuse laws in AZ.
Talk about Emotional Abuse as it may relate.
Talk about how Law in AZ defines “Neglect”; as I understand it, there are differing degrees. Kids are in school, fed, have beds — the infrastructure is there; her love isn’t.

Understand, basis her past, SHE will not change until SHE gets help unwinding HER PERSONAL PAST issues.

If there’s anyone who could say this to her, you’ve gotta find someone who can, and will:
“You not getting counseling to overcome your past, is dragging your kids right into the chaos and dysfunction of your coping mechanisms.”

She’s having difficulty loving others because she’s having difficulty loving herself, and that’s a bar nobody can clear; you’ll never love anyone more, or treat anyone better, than you love, and treat, your own self.

For your son:
He very likely feels MANY things all at once, and the tangle offers no evident “first thing to do.”

He wants to help his wife get better.
Wants to be pleasing, to relate like they did “before.”
He wants her to get whatever help she needs to get free of her demons, ‘cuz they’re ransacking his family.
He NEEDS her to see that with unveiled eyes, ‘cuz he can’t make her; it’s gotta be her choice.
I’m betting he’s already thought his way through 1,001 scenarios, and it comes down to who’s gonna be the risk-taker to tell the woman, “Get help, or we’re stepping away from you until you do.”
He likely feels stuck; like he can’t step away, ‘cuz family logistics would throw all the weight on him, that social services would come out against him, and leave the kids in her “care,” and she’d feel hurt even MORE, which would give her MORE to blame on him, and maybe put him at risk of not seeing his own kids.

...

You’ve got yourself a LONG row to hoe.

The BEST “STEP 1” I could possibly think of: get that family to church.

No matter the past structure, you don’t need to nitpick about the sign at the curb, you need a thriving fellowship with Jesus alive in the place regularly; a bona fide spiritual ER, ‘cuz this case is in Critical Condition.

I took a scientific wild-ass guess and targeted Phoenix and environs; use the tools on the page to adjust the map as needed.

https://www.arcchurches.com/about/map?location=phoenix%2C+AZ&distance=50

LASTLY,

Top right of the page, click into the Religion forum, find today’s Prayer] thread and post your dilemma as a request for prayer. There’s more wisdom and power on-tap than any of us can muster on our own, and you stand in undeniable need.

Godspeed, sir.