Posted on 08/20/2021 3:20:44 PM PDT by DFG
WASHINGTON, DC—Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin explained to the press that the world's greatest military superpower will simply have to cross its fingers that Americans can get out of Afghanistan alive because we don't have things like planes or guns to help get people out.
"The military would really love to help, but we just can't," said Secretary Austin. "Fighting terrorists, securing safe passage to airports, flying planes—that's just not our thing. We're more into diversity training and free gender transition surgeries, to be honest. That's the stuff that's more in our wheelhouse."
According to sources, the government is still managing to detain hundreds of thousands of people at the southern border. When asked by reporters why the government has the capacity for one and not the other, the Defense Secretary just shrugged and said "Huh. I dunno. I just work here. Did I mention I'm the first African American Secretary of Defense? That's pretty cool, huh? I have that goin' for me anyway."
The Defense Secretary confirmed they plan to just have the military wait around at the Kabul Airport eating MREs and drinking RipIt energy drinks until hopefully, some Americans show up to the planes thanks to the Taliban giving them safe passage.
"Yeah, we totally trust the Taliban, they're great guys," said Austin.
This is going well.
Somebody supported this stupid son of a bitch Biden.
So Real.
The entire situation is disgusting.
The article had me going. I thought it was a factual article, and not satire, at first. Well, it seems so plausible!
The article had me going. I thought it was a factual article, and not satire, at first. Well, it seems so plausible!
What else would you expect from an affirmative action general.
The Deep State. Trump beat him by 10+ million legit votes.
They say this when for six months they’ve hunted down and imprisoned roughly 500 people for the January 6 demonstration.
Liberalism is truly a disease.
The fed government can welcome a half million illegal aliens and fly them all over the country but they can’t evacuate thousands of US citizens from Afghanistan.
When I first started reading it seemed the average every day spiel.
Please he prefers Obama BLM plant
or white hater CRT specialist ..
Trust me .
If these where Amish trapped instead whites .
Bombs would be carpeting the Afghan savages . i
Very soon the Bee is going to come out with a piece that almost exactly mirrors a news release. This one has an excellent chance.
Lying liars and the lies they tell! 😐
This is not satire!
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