Pandemic a "Tremendous Personal Benefit" [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 11 July 2021 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Though a reported 600,000 Americans died from COVID, 400,000 small businesses were bankrupted by the lockdowns ordered to "flatten the curve," and millions of workers were forced into unemployment, it will no doubt hearten everyone to learn that the "pandemic was a tremendous personal benefit" to Gov. Andrew Cuomo (D-NY).

"I'm not a guy who likes to focus on the negative," Cuomo said. "Admittedly, some people died, but I'd rather look back on the positive things that happened. First of all, the health emergency enabled me to govern without the encumbrances of the constitution and the law. Rather than have to convince the legislature to enact measures I was able to simply rule by proclamation. This more efficient model of governance is something we can apply to other emergencies we face like climate change, gun violence, and insufficient tax revenue."

"Second, I was able to parlay my emergency one-man rule into a $5 million book deal," the Governor added. "With Dr. Fauci's endorsement of me as 'the model for how a governor should respond to a pandemic,' I won both fame and fortune. My one regret is that COVID was not a bigger threat. The hospitals never became overcrowded. I never got to issue triage rules for separating out who would receive treatment and live and who would have to be denied treatment and die. No one gets to choose his own crisis, but I think I did very well with the one I was handed."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/308068-2021-07-10-semi-news-semi-satire-july-11-2021-edition.htm

[John Semmens]

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[Seaplaner]

Presidential Press Secretary Jen Psaki praised his success as "yet another demonstration of the American dream. Hunter's ability to thrive at so many different pursuits reminds me of Leonardo Da Vinci. He is an internationally successful businessman with enormously profitable ventures in Ukraine and China. He is an author of a very moving autobiography. And now he is a painter of great renown."

Thanks, John, for another fine column in less-than-fine times.

Yes, muchly satire, and thought provoking at that. However, one serious question is that since Dems don't really "write" the books that they author, are there assurances that Mister Biden actually does 100% of the paintings that he allegedly creates? I would bet my allowance (if I got one) that he does minor additions and actual artists do the rest.

Ghost artists?

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