Posted on 01/09/2021 12:40:49 AM PST by John Semmens
Chiding the Trump Administration's plan for distributing the COVID vaccines too slowly, President-Elect Joe Biden promised to "step on the gas pedal." Since the vaccines currently available seem to require two shots per patient for optimal effectiveness, the Trump Administration has been reserving the second shots in order to ensure that they can complete the immunizing protocol.
"Look, we are able to send out stimulus checks even though the federal government is trillions of dollars in debt," Biden said. "Republicans are always scared that there won't be money to fund necessary expenditures. Now they are scared that there won't be enough doses of vaccine. Democrats have always had faith that where there is a will there is a way. If we simply commit to vaccinating everybody we can make it happen."
According to Biden insiders, the new Chief Executive wants to use "those air cannons they have at basketball games to shoot t-shirts into the crowd." He says "it's both a fair and fast method. Everyone in the crowd has a shot at grabbing a shirt launched in his direction and dozens of shirts can be delivered in just the few minutes during timeouts in the game. Then play resumes. Why can't we have roving medical crews who can wade into crowds and inject dozens of people in just a few minutes?"
While Biden's staff consider the idea impractical they say they are working on an animated video of Biden's envisioned delivery method as a means of placating him. "He is very fond of cartoons and we think if he sees his idea in a cartoon he will think we are carrying out his plan."
If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/297657-2021-01-09-semi-news-semi-satire-january-10-2021-edition.htm
ping
is he still alive?
For politics, and ignoring the science that established the dosage protocol, Biden will give people a half dose.
The same bozos who yammer “Trust science!” until it is politically expedient not to.
he uses hunters crack pipe to lean on
It’d help if the vaccine was worked up into a flask of whiskey (say for $19.99). We’d all pick up the batch at the corner beverage shop, and wrap it up in one evening.
Until January 21, yes.
“Any palooka that says we can’t vaccinate the whole shootin’ match by the Fourth of July is fulla malarkey!”
Does anyone know the over/under on when Biden will resign, claiming “ill health”?
My Sec. of War’s favorite elixer is Jim Beam w/honey.
Our Publix and others in our area cant keep it on their shelves. Counterman says, “It’s the New Toilet Paper”!
Biden Favors Quick Dispersal of Vaccines
Tap water with bleach
I'm convinced this is how his "strategy" and "planning" meetings go. His staff nod and take notes, then produce fake videos that make him think his plans are actually being carried out. They also enlist "Dr." Jill to pat him on the hand and whisper compliments into his ear, before gently leading him to his Lazy Boy.
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