Pelosi Defends Panel to Combat Wealth [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 3 January 2021 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) announced a new congressional committee to "combat the concentration of wealth in America and its role in triggering 2020's economic collapse. Millions of people lost their jobs. Thousands of businesses were closed. We need to find out how this was allowed to happen."

Critics were quick to point out that the government played a major role in the economic misfortune inflicted on so many Americans. In Pelosi's home state it was Democrat Gov. Gavin Newsom who ordered a series of stay home and business shutdown orders that spurred the sharpest decline in personal income for California residents since the Great Depression of the 1930s.

Pelosi defended Newsom's dictatorial suppression of the economy, calling it "necessary to stem the ravages of the COVID pandemic. The more fundamental question is whether any person—worker or employer—should have the right to resist or object to the emergency orders of a government official. After all, government officials represent the will of the people. They are charged with looking out for the general welfare. Disagreement with their directives is anti-democratic."

She also took exception to those who suggested that her personal wealth insulated her from the negative consequences of Newsom's policies, saying "the attack on my wealth and the wealth of any member of the government, for that matter, is inherently seditious. The real problem is the wealth held by people outside the government and their opposition to our efforts to redistribute it more equitably. Those who support the government's policies are part of the essential sector of society. Those who oppose the government are not. The realization that we could use the government's authority to shut down nonessential activities was a key step in the process of transforming an archaic individualism into the progressive collectivism envisioned for us by former President Obama."

In related news, Pelosi announced that the offensive terms "father," "mother," "son," and "daughter" will be banned from speeches and debates on the floor of the House of representatives. These terms will be replaced by the more uplifting phrases "birthing person," "sperm inserter," and "unaborted child."

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