Allegations of Vote Fraud Rebutted [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 Dec 2020 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

In Nevada, despite it being illegal to offer anything of value in exchange for voting, officials from the Reno-Sparks Indian Colony were videoed offering gift cards, bracelets, necklaces, earrings, T-shirts, and masks to Indians who voted. "This was a normal get-out-the-vote activity," said RSIC spokeswoman Bethany Sam in an interview standing next to a Biden-Harris campaign bus wearing a Biden-Harris face mask. "We didn't tell anyone who to vote for and didn't ask anyone who they voted for." Jacqueline De León, staff attorney for the Native American Rights Fund, maintains that "Ms Sam's statement clearly proves that no law was violated."

In Georgia, a video shows Democrat poll workers pulling cases of votes from under a table after GOP poll watchers were sent away. Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger acknowledged that "some ballots were counted unlawfully and in secret. Yes, the GOP poll watchers were unnecessarily sent home for what turned out to be a minor water leak, but can we really condemn the brave Democrats who at great risk to themselves stayed on an continued the work? I think not. Besides, at this point all the ballots counted in the video have been mixed in with all the legitimate ballots. There's no way to separate out the unlawfully counted ones. So we can't determine whether the secretly counted votes were for Trump or Biden. The election will have to stand as is."

In Minnesota, a witness made a sworn affidavit declaring that he saw "a busload of severely mentally handicapped people who were forced by handlers to vote for Joe Biden. The handlers literally held the handicapped person's hand in theirs and marked the ballot for them." State Attorney General Keith Ellison (D) dismissed this evidence, calling it "inconclusive. Perhaps the handicapped voters were whispering their choices to the handlers. After all, it makes sense that a mentally-challenged voter would want to vote for the mentally-challenged presidential candidate. And even if they didn't whisper, the person helping them would likely surmise that it was in that person's best interest to cast their ballot for Biden. So, no harm, no foul."

In Michigan, nearly a thousand witnesses have made sworn statements that they personally observed vote fraud. State Representative Cynthia Johnson (D) called these witnesses "a bunch of liars. Every election official has assured me that there was no fraud. Every media outlet I have seen says there was no fraud." Reminded that lying in sworn testimony is perjury, Johnson remained adamant in her trust of government officials and the media, saying "the opinions of important people have to be given more weight than the ravings of lunatics."

In Pennsylvania, Jesse Morgan, a truck driver for a subcontractor with the United States Postal Service, says he drove a trailer containing an estimated 288,000 ballots from Bethpage, New York to Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Secretary of State Kathy Boockvar (D) insisted that "there's nothing odd about this. The whole point of mail-in ballots is that the voter doesn't have to appear in-person to vote. New York and Pennsylvania share a long border. Pennsylvanians often cross that border for business or pleasure. It's not inconceivable to me that 288,000 could've have been in Bethpage, New York when they mailed in their ballots."

In Arizona, Maricopa County GOP chairwoman Linda Brickman testified before members of the Arizona State Legislature that she "personally observed votes for President Donald Trump being tallied as votes for Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden when input into Dominion machines. When I brought this to the attention of election supervisors others in the room also commented that they had witnessed the same manipulation." Secretary of State Katie Hobbs (D) characterized Brickman's testimony as "delusional" and contended that corroboration by others "is a case of mass hysteria of the kind we've come to expect from Trump's neo-Nazi base of supporters."

In Washington DC, Attorney General Bill Barr issued a statement admitting that "it sure looks like there was a lot of 'hank-panky' going on with those after-hours ballot dumps. However, at this point, the bogus ballots are all mixed in with the legal ballots, so there's no way to tell whether the bogus ballots favored Trump or Biden. Obviously, a crime has been committed, but we have no way to determine who the guilty parties are. For better or worse, we'll just have to let the tallies stand where they are and accept Joe Biden as the nation's next president. I hope the people of America understand that the FBI did their best to investigate this and unify behind our next president as he carries out the mandate he received from the vote counters."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=421840.0

[MeganC]

This was a good one!

[Lions Gate]

You have to be a two year old not to figure out what went on in Georgia:

1. Fake ballots were planted earlier in the day and put under the tables.
2. Trump was leading by a lot at 10pm.
3. In a NBA arena, directly connected to China, they faked a pipe breaking.
4. The pipe was not even in the counting rooms.
5. We later find out that the incident was fake.
6. After the press left at 10:30 and the GOP watchers were kicked out.
7. Democrats processed the fake ballots they placed under the table earlier in the day.
8. In fact, one woman ran stacks of ballots three times over.
9. Then that Gilbert moron, Kemp, and Raffensburg were put in place to run cover for the operation.

It is all on the video and it is plain as day and you cant deny it.