San Francisco Loses Another Walgreens [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 25 October 2020 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

The Walgreens at Van Ness and Eddy in San Francisco will close November 11. This will be the seventh Walgreens to go out of business in the city since the state decriminalized shoplifting. Walgreens spokesman Phil Caruso says "the shoplifting is so frequent and brazen that we can't keep the shelves stocked for paying customers. There are a lot of elderly in the neighborhood who have relied on this particular store for their meds and other heath products. But thieves have driven the cost of doing business too high for us to be able to survive in this location."

Mayor London Breed acknowledged the loss, but expressed the opinion that "we shouldn't be too quick to condemn the changes to the law that made it possible for the homeless people that are doing most of the stealing to improve their lives. They are humans too. They also have needs and shouldn't be punished for fulfilling them in the only way they can. I, for one, am glad to see that they can live as they like without having to go to jail for taking whatever they need wherever they can find it. Though, I will concede that a better system would be for the government to redistribute property to overcome the inequities of our current capitalistic system."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=417963.0

[CatOwner]

I wonder how many of the elderly were hippies in the 60s. Have fun with your elected Utopia.

[rktman]

Going out of business? Are they creating a drug store desert? That’s like racis’ and stuff.

[Disambiguator]

Your article made me think of this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_7dyJUvXn4

Yes, there is a “Walgreen’s of San Francisco” reference in there.

[littleharbour]

But Nancy still cares about them, and that’s all that matters. She practically has tears in her eyes thinking about them while downing a pint of cookie dough ice cream 🍨

[Still Thinking]

Now the city will try to tell them they are physically not allowed to cease operations, nor raise prices, nor lay off employees....

Shades of Atlas Shrugged.

[dynachrome]

“Welcome to walgreens, what may I help you steal today?”

[Dr. Ursus]

I just wanted a body wash!

[aquila48]

Bookmark

[Secret Agent Man]

site of a future junkie hangout and poop joint?

[John Semmens]

yes

City ordinance forbids removing squatters “who have a human right to choose where they go.”

[Secret Agent Man]

people should bus them to the mayors house and put signs up that say “toilet”