Bloomberg Launches Vote-Buying Scheme [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 27 September 2020 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Desperate to block President Trump's reelection, former Democratic presidential candidate and New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg has decided to pay the monetary penalties of Florida's convicted felons so they can vote for Joe Biden. "When the Florida Court ruled that sentence completion included paying monetary restitution to the victims of their crimes I knew I had to step in if the Democratic Party hoped to turn these potential voters into actual voters," Bloomberg said. "I have billions to spare for a good cause and this is as good a cause as I can think of."

Florida Attorney General Ashley Moody contends that "Bloomberg's plan violates Florida's statute against paying for votes" and has asked the Florida Department of Law Enforcement and the FBI to initiate a criminal investigation of the scheme. House Judiciary Committee member Matt Gaetz (R-Fla) characterized Bloomberg's ploy as "bribing people to vote a certain way."

Bloomberg denied that he "is buying votes or bribing felons to vote a certain way. I have no means of compelling the recipients of my generosity to even cast a vote. My money merely wipes out their legal obligations under the state's laws. In many cases this relieves them of tens of thousands of dollars in debt. They can then return the favor by voting Democrat and swing Florida's electoral votes to the Biden-Harris ticket, but there is no enforceable quid-pro-quo, so there is no crime on my part."

Bloomberg further insisted that his action "is a necessary counter to Trump's efforts to steal black votes from Democrats. Every other Republican has had the decency to respect the Democratic Party's ownership of the black vote. But Trump has stepped over the line with his opportunity zone districts, support of historically black colleges, and prison reform. His economic policies drove black unemployment rates to historic lows. These actions on his part have caused many blacks to rethink their loyalty to the Democratic Party. My bid to shore up the black felon vote for Democrats is payback for Trump's invasion of our territory."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=415476.0

[odawg]

“...turn these potential voters into actual voters,” Bloomberg said.”

The best he can hope for is for it to be a wash with that group of voters. They were not imprisoned for their political views.

[Bishop_Malachi]

Bloomberg Launches Vote-Buying Scheme [semi-satire]

__________________________________________

Satire? I thought that’s what he is actually guilty of doing.

[GrandJediMasterYoda]

He is actually doing it, and it's bribery and he should be arrested. It's illegal. He's doing it for 31,000 felons, that's 31,000 counts. Throw the mofo away for life

18 U.S. Code § 597. Expenditures to influence voting

Whoever makes or offers to make an expenditure to any person, either to vote or withhold his vote, or to vote for or against any candidate; and

Whoever solicits, accepts, or receives any such expenditure in consideration of his vote or the withholding of his vote—

Shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than one year, or both; and if the violation was willful, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.

[kingtom]

Mini-Mike starts FL prison sentence — claims he loves to play “drop the soap” with Bubba (especially when they use powdered soap)