Minneapolis Leaders Say "Police Being Obtuse" [semi-satire]

Minneapolis Council President Lisa Bender expressed her dismay at the lack of adequate law enforcement in the City. "I know we reduced their budget and told them to 'stand down' when protests turned into riots and looting, but we didn't expect things to get so bad," she lamented. "I think it's a case of them being purposely obtuse. Their place in the pecking order is below us. It's their job to make us look good."

"What they are intentionally misunderstanding is that most of what we said about defunding, disciplining, and prosecuting cops was to shore up our support among the progressive political segment of the voting population," Bender explained. "Yes, we made the police the scapegoats for everything that goes wrong in a confrontation with violent offenders, but it is their job to take the blame if that's what we want. They answer to us. We still expect them to have a sense of duty that impels them to serve and protect. This means putting their careers and lives on the line on a daily basis. When we need to cash in on this sense of duty they owe it to us to make the sacrifice that will deflect criticism away from the City Council so we can continue to rule the City."

Police Chief Medaria Arradondo said he will "look into the issues raised by the Council, but I'm not sure I can sell the members of the police force on the idea that they're all supposed to be the Council's whipping boys as a matter of political obligation. As I now understand it, the Council's 'stand down' order apparently means 'bend over and take it.' I predict there will be more retirements and resignations from the force and more crime in the streets. That sounds like a bad thing to me, but what do I know. I'm just a cop."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

I’m sorry, John. This site chose to kill any impact your intelligent and clever take on the news by forcing you to label your posts as satire in the title. For some reason, (probably because you showed some of the more influential posters here to be knee jerk, headline only reactionaries. You embarrassed them so you HAD to be punished. Today, several of these folks came out indignant as all get out over a Babylon Bee article about NBA’s Lakers wearing lace collars to honor Ginsburg. That article garnered dozens of thoroughly irate reactions, the way yours used to before the Powers that be took you to the woodshed. I do not understand why you were singled out for this unfair treatment while the “Johnny come lately” Bee is allowed to post its satire with no label. I must say though, it was a real treat to see the phonies and keyboard warriors post their stupid comments, like they used to do to your great posts. Maybe you can get the Babylon Bee to hire you and then you can post your stuff here with no disclaimer. Always a fan, 1Raider1

Well, I’m shocked. You would think that police officers would be proud to be the whipping boys for people who want them defunded. (Yes, I understand the satire. Just waiting for someone to yell at me and tell me it’s satire.)

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