Posted on 09/19/2020 1:33:26 AM PDT by John Semmens
Democratic presidential candidate former Vice-President Joe Biden told CNN's Anderson Cooper and town hall viewers that "China is not our enemy. If they were they wouldn't have given my son a billion dollar deal. I'll grant you that China hasn't been a perfect global citizen. From time to time they've stolen our technology. And every deadly respiratory virus seems to emanate from there. But these are all minor flaws—mistakes and bad luck that could've happened to anyone."
In a response to a potato farmer's question about why there are so many unnecessary regulations impeding her work, Biden advised the woman to "get a job hauling chicken manure. You get out from the stress and aggravation of running your own business. You'll meet a lot of interesting people at truck stops all across the land. You also can join the truckers' union, which will provide a lot of benefits plus the security of knowing you are part of a larger collective that will get prime service from a Harris-Biden Administration."
Biden then segued into a declaration that "my advisers now tell me that I can mandate a nationwide mask requirement for our national parks. I think this would set a good example for other government authorities to emulate. If the nation's president is willing to order everyone visiting our parks to wear a mask at all times people will know they have a president who means business. Coupled with hefty fines I will impose people will be brought into line with what the scientists have all been recommending for months."
The Candidate went on to belittle objections to the stringent lockdowns imposed in many states and cities, calling them "sick. These intrusions on civil liberties are a small price to pay for the security of knowing you won't get sick if you obey the directives. Trump's refusal to make universal lockdowns a federal policy was totally irresponsible and close to criminal. In fact, if Trump had instituted a total nationwide lockdown all those who subsequently died from COVID would be alive today. So, we will be looking into prosecuting Trump and all his enablers once we've taken over in Washington."
Biden also insisted that his campaign app that exposed personal data on 191 million Americans "proves that mine will be the most transparent administration in this country's history. By the time I'm done everyone will be able to find out everything about anybody. No one will have secrets they can conceal. We'll all be one big happy family."
In related news, Joe Biden's wife Jill says "voting for my husband will make the pandemic go away. The whole reason we're making it a big issue now is to win the election. Once that goal is achieved there'll be no reason to continue belaboring the issue. Trump will be gone and things can return to the way they were when President Obama ruled America."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/290963-2020-09-19-semi-news-semi-satire-september-20-2020-edition.htm
ping
Chicken-$h!t Joe is an expert on spreading manure.
John, you also have “talent on loan from God”.
(but, Dang, sure wish reality didn’t so closely imitate semi-satire !)
DANG!
Too close to be satire!
Love it.
Thanks for all you do!
What Satire? Forgot to mention Tammy will outlaw all the guns so everyone will be safe.
Thx
We all have talent on loan from God. It just manifests itself in different ways in each of us.
Well they say that animals can’t transmit covid from fluids (which seems to contradict the theory that the disease emanated from bats in Wuhan) but that their fur could become contaminated and if touched by another human, spread the disease.
So I think Joe Biden should propose a $2 trillion new spending bill to capture and sanitize all wild animals in all the national parks, and wrap them in PPE equipment until the virus disappears.
We should even divert all those planes and helicopters trying to put out wildfires on the west coast, and dump isopropyl alcohol across America’s forests and parklands.
(hopefully a satire tag is not required).
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