DC Committee Recommends Removing Monuments [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 6 September 2020 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

A committee reporting to D.C. Mayor Muriel Bowser (D) recommends removing the monuments, statues, and inscriptions honoring America's founders and heroes "whose connections to slavery and oppression render them unfit to be mentioned in the nation's capital." The so-called "rogues gallery" includes George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, James Monroe, Andrew Jackson, William Henry Harrison, John Tyler, Zachary Taylor, Woodrow Wilson; Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Graham Bell, and Francis Scott Key.

Committee members Bowser advisor Beverly Perry and public library director Richard Reyes-Gavilan asserted that "we believe strongly that all District of Columbia public spaces, facilities and commemorative works should only honor those individuals who exemplified those values such as equity, opportunity and diversity that DC residents hold dear."

Suggested swap outs include George Floyd—the man who launched a thousand riots—for George Washington, Jesse Jackson—mastermind of the Silicon Valley shakedown—for Andrew Jackson, and Tupac Shakur—creator of gangsta-rap—for Francis Scott Key.

"We need to memorialize individuals who embody the woke values of today and bury the false gods of the past," Perry said. "Whether the Washington Monument should be torn down entirely or be reconfigured into the image of George Floyd prostrate on the ground under the knee of a racist cop is a 50-50 proposition. Either way, though, it would be a vast improvement over the way it is now."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,413447.new.html#new

[databoss]

I vote to remove the committee.