Posted on 07/28/2020 1:24:57 PM PDT by John Semmens
After dispersing a gang of protesters camping in Lower Manhattan this week, police discovered that the residents had been using a nearby subway ventilation grate as a toilet. A disgusted neighborhood resident described witnessing "many individuals take turns squatting and sh****g right out in full view of everyone walking along the sidewalk."
Mayor Bill de Blasio apologized "for evicting these people. Exercising basic bodily functions is both a natural and a human right protected by the US Constitution. The notion that it should be done privately behind closed doors and in a properly designed facility is a middle class prejudice that I hope we can eventually overcome. But there were just too many complaints from the taxpaying health nuts living and working nearby to let this go on."
In related news, de Blasio vowed to sue if Trump orders federal agents to defend federal property in New York City. "The people of New York City have an inalienable right to destroy the property of the government oppressing them," he said. "The Boston Tea Party established this fundamental principle of our democracy way back in 1773."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?board=3.0
Still too close to reality! :)
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