Hope Instead of Despair

This is a vanity. It's personal and from the heart. I don't post news stories very often... have been on here for 10 years... Writing this for a Sunday thank you for Free Republic and for every Trump voter! I hope this is permissible … on a Sunday when we all could use some hope for this world and our lives....

I have 4 sons and a daughter... all adults and loved very much. I lost my husband on a Saturday before Mother's Day 4 years ago. Sudden death taking a nap. A few months later my second born son was diagnosed with leukemia. A healthy young man .. the most careful one in diet and lifestyle. Those 2 happenings will take the wind right out of you.

I spent the next 2 years researching, praying... prayers were going up to the Heavens from all over the nation.... my son was known and loved by many. He spent 4 years in NY with Tony Bongovi working for a music career. It ended with Tony wanting to own my son . No to Tony....and so Tony saw to it that no one would contract my son. (I'll give him a name for writing purposes.. John)

John came back home, one angry man... but the person he was... the sweetest man you'd ever see...and capabilities..many. He never knew defeat until NY.

He was a businessman and dabbled in housing... he married a perfect gal and went on with life. That winter he was very tired... more so than ever. After being snowed in and missing 3 doctor visits, he finally got to the doctor and was sent to the hospital. In a few hours, he was told he had leukemia.

Shocked...he had to call his mother and tell her.... knowing it would devastate her...and it did. Right away I thought he could be healed...calls came in from all over.... praying.. I spent the next 2 years devoted to my son and getting him well. Hospital... they did all they could... and sent him to Houston where miracles are taking place.... I drove to Houston by myself... stopping only for gas... and anther son had me on his phone, knowing where I was all the way there. You go into a coma.. almost... taking it a day at a time and wondering if the nightmare will end..

John went to NY a raised Christian... he came home doubting everything in the Bible..;and he knew the Bible as well as anyone.. he was a reader...a writer.. and researched everything... He figured the bible was written by man and could not be trusted... he thought it contradicted itself also.

For you out there who think these things... this is not the end to this writing.

John thought it presumptuous to say “I am the Way, and the truth, and the Life: no one cometh unto the Father, but by Me. “ How could there be one religion when there were many... how could one man say this as truth.. John was absolutely clear when he talked. He questioned all this but he doubted more...since God did not give him his heart's desire... God could not be trusted or there wasn't a God like he thought.

John was also a pianist and played special music for the church... NO ONE could put a message in a song like John did. John put his mother before himself...he put his wife before himself...he was selfless and loved much.. He was easy to like... personality plus and good looking...

He was in the hospital more than out.... at one point early on in this....he thought he was close to cancer free, and in that time period, he was asleep one night and woke up with the feeling life was leaving him.. he turned scared and did not want to die... but that is what he was feeling... then he saw a vision.

He saw his father who had just died. He saw my mother who died when I was 4.. He saw my Grandma who John loved with all his heart.. she died 30 years before. She was a guiding light to John and a help in every way. She lost everything in her life and never lost her faith.... John remembered her sweet and gentle spirit... Both my mother and Grandma talked to him...told him there were no regrets there... His father talked to him...one on one..telling him pride was man's problem.... PRIDE!

He saw his wife's family who had gone on..they talked to him also.... he saw a college professor... he saw so many... and all love and peace.... he wanted to stay but he wanted come back to his wife...

The last thing he saw was the outstretched hands of Jesus... John saw the real thing and there were no more doubts...NONE... all my talk... and this few minutes or hour... changed my son's life. That was my prayer to God... “don't take him from me lost”.... and if I could have ..I would have begged God to please not take my son... how does a parent go on, losing one... To this day... every day is another day I have not seen him.

His wife heard him stirring in his writing abode and came in to find him sitting with his head in his hands.... he looked up and was crying.... after all his thoughts since NY... the one man who figures everything out and does not quit until he does.... looked at his wife and told her what had just happened... “what do I do now?.”.. she said to pray and ask for forgiveness and accept Jesus.. He knew... he absolutely KNEW it all was true... Jesus is who He says He is and Heaven is real..

From there on... it was fighting cancer... in Houston where they tried to get him to the point of a new trial test..... a transplant... one of his brothers was a match and on the ready...

The hospital staff made 2 mistakes which sent him into slow progress.... the insurance company tried to cut his insurance.. and John was in the hospital bed.. tethered to his feedings.. and fighting with the insurance company. One of John's brothers is a lawyer and that is a big help... they do listen to a lawyer... John, in his condition, still was trying to fight for his rights with the insurance company.

The transplant could not happen... he was not strong enough to withstand it.... and they want winners in those things. John was not eating much... he talked a lot about things... I was there to listen... and I let him talk... he asked questions I could not answer.... he hung onto my Grandma's memory... her stamina.. her faith...

Walking through this with my son was necessary... but oh so hard to do...to watch him lose that battle. One day he said that to me.. “I am losing this battle”.. All the chemo and all that goes with it... sick..so very sick.. and to see my beloved son this way.. it takes God to get through it..

I came home toward the end and John's wife brought him back home in an ambulance from Houston to my house... she took such good care of him.... she loved him the first day she saw him...and she gave so much love... caring and ….evening walks... climbing that mountain... together and caring.

He came home and had 2 weeks.... the family all came in and I walked in and out of that coma for the 2 weeks. I never say anyone die before... and this was my son... my son who I gave birth to... who I rocked and loved so much... You think you can't do something... not by yourself... but with God..YOU CAN...

His wife was praying on one side of his bed and I was singing those old church songs I remembered..that is what John wanted to hear.. he wanted his wife close... I did not want him alone..I touched his arm so he'd know I was there. He had said a week before that he still saw those in Heaven... the ones he saw in the vision... I think he hovered between earth and heaven 2 weeks.

He went to Glory in peace and I knew where he was going..which had been my prayer.. God, don't lose him.. Hear my prayer... God don't let him go lost. For I could not live with that. He took him right to Glory.. and that prayer was answered... I don't know the future.. did not know what the future wouild have been if he had been healed. I trust... I had to turn it over... he's heaven bound and that was my most fervent prayer for years. God answered it.

I know where he is and I know he is safe and I know there are no more pain and heartache... His father surely was glad to see him … he was a lot like his father...

That was incredibly beautiful. I’m so glad he did not leave you while lost. I know this is not much comfort, and by your writing I know that you already know this, but death is not an ending. It is merely a parting.

I hope that God grants you comfort and peace.

A doubter but maybe searching for an answer that makes sense? It may not make sense until the Truth hits between the ears.. Blessings to you... this is a true ‘story’... my beloved son was awakened from his doubts in a second..
it’s all there for us.. ya have to step beyond that pride and doubts... I hope you find it.. it changes your outlook and hope..

This world is not our home... it becomes more evident every day that the left gains voice and whatever they can do to the rest of us... this world is but a test.... which do you serve... God or this mess...
Blessings to you.. yes, I can bear it knowing where he is... it’s a mother’s prayer...

So sorry you had to go through all this without his Father.
Death is the enemy, the sting is mighty, but our hope is bigger and better. God Bless your heart and family.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.

God bless you, dear lady. May our gratitude and His love be with you.

Wow, thanks for sharing that! I can relate to some of it - lost my wife suddenly 10 years ago to cancer - both my boys have struggled with their faith, especially my younger. Praying that God will flood his heart with Truth and wash out the pain and cynicism. Your post gives me renewed hope...

I give you hope in the Lord... I prayed for many years for my son... I feared for my son and I finally prayed “whatever it takes”.. I did that with fear and trembling... I learned what it took... but I’d do it again... Heaven is worth it.

To those who doubt, they want proof before they believe... it usually works the other way around.. But God hears you! don’t give up..

My grandmother lost her husband.. a baby boy and then her only daughter (my mother).. she did not lose her faith...

they used to know there was trials just around the corner... today we live a spoiled easy life... it’s nice but it’s a fooler...

God knows...God hears.... a parent has God’s ear... He is our Heavenly Father...

My son was disappointed in God not giving him what he wanted.. a career in music ... and it was taken from him from a man who had/has no good in him...

John had done everything right to get what he wanted.. and the answer was a no... he spent a long time angry... inwardly.. outwardly he was my loving son..

the one glimpse... just one glimpse... of what is ahead for us.. and earth has little pull... it’s that wonderful. I hope my son has a grand piano to play... and one day I will be there to hear him.

The time fighting leukemia was a nightmare for anyone dealing with that terrible disease.... the children... oh the children.... this world is not our home!! it’s but a whiff compared to eternity..
Wouldn’t it be nice if God had sent us a video of what Heaven is....

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