Gov Threatens to Punish Everyone [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 26 April 2020 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

Gov. Gretchen Whitmer (D-Mich) warned the people of her state that “the continued anti-government antics of a minority may force me to extend the lockdown longer than I originally planned.”

She likened her predicament to that of “a teacher trying to deal with a few unruly students. She’s spoken loudly and sternly. Yet, there are some who insist on mocking and resisting the rules she’s laid out for everyone. Her ultimate weapon is to threaten to cancel recess or keep everyone after school in the hope that she can inspire enough social pressure to contain the offenders. Like that school teacher, I’m now warning all the well-behaved citizens of Michigan that if they cannot stifle their misbehaving neighbors, I will order everyone to stay home until all the demonstrations and criticism cease.”

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://azconservative.org/2020/04/25/black-dems-face-retribution/

[facedown]

About right.

[KSCITYBOY]

Btt

[clearcarbon]

She's punishing those who pay her salary.
Heil whitmer!

[madison10]

It is supposed to be satire.

[clearcarbon]

"It is supposed to be satire.

It's a fair representation of how she behaved upon being denied her 45-cent per gallon gasoline tax.

[madison10]

It is. The “satire” barely is satire. Maybe the whole virus situation was too stressful and she just went nutty.

[sima_yi]

Hi, John. I suggest you should use the term "deci-satire", since way less than half (or "semi-") is satire. The rest is very close to the truth.

Another good one. (And I'm in Michigan)

[GoldenPup]

What has happened to the recall effort?

[yefragetuwrabrumuy]

I read that as “God Gretchen Whitmer (D-Mich)”, and wondered if she had gone full Caligula and named herself god.

[John Semmens]

I believe she prefers “Supreme Leader,” which translated into German comes out as “fuhrer.”

[Liz]

Frau Whitmer extended her stay-at-home order through May 15th but loosened some of her more draconian restrictions....
bans on purchasing harmless items like garden seeds and paint and allowed bicycle repair shops and plant nurseries, to reopen.

"I give zee orders. You vill obey, or Fritzl here putz you on zee midnight train to reeducation camp."

========================================

Everyone in Lansing admires Gov. Gretchen Whitmer’s skills and just about everyone likes her Whitmer is universally liked.

A Chinese group networking with US Governors rated Gov Whitmer “The Most Friendly----
Most Likely to Deliver (cough) Noodle Bowl to Chinese Man’s Hotel Room.”