Posted on 11/25/2019 9:09:33 AM PST by John Semmens
Seeking to bolster his record as the most abortion-friendly candidate among those vying for the Democratic 2020 presidential nomination, Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-Vt) boasted that "my support for abortion has been 100% pure. Unlike some of my rivals, I have never wavered. Nevertheless, the trend in recent years has shown a decline in the rate at which expectant mothers have availed themselves of this option. If there's ever a time in American history where the men of this country must stand with the women, this is the moment."
"Considering the dire fate that climate change portends we must do everything in our power to strike at the root cause of environmental catastrophe—people," Sanders asserted. "I think it's time we all admit that abortion is more than a right. It is an obligation if we hope to save the planet. Until we can get laws passed to enforce this obligation it is up to the men who have impregnated the women to persuade them to abort the unnecessary augmentation of the population that can only worsen global environmental conditions."
Not wanting to be totally outflanked, Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-Mass) called abortion "a human and an economic right. Having a baby places enormous burdens on a woman. Abortion provides a simple solution for averting these burdens. Any impediments to exercising this human right are immoral. If I become president, unlike Senator Sanders, I won't wait for legislation or rely on men to persuade women to get abortions. I will issue an Executive Order codifying abortion as every woman's unalienable human right."
To emphasize her sincerity and determination, Warren announced an all-female "troika" will chair her presidential campaign. This troika will be consist of three congresswomen—Rep. Deb Haaland (D-NM), Rep. Katie Porter (D-Calif), and Rep Ayanna Pressley (D-Mass). "We are going to take this country back from the patriarchs that have ruined it and put in positions of power where they can right the wrongs of more than 10,000 years of human history," Warren promised. "A sufficient number of sperm donors will be retained to ensure that future generations of women will be available to rule the world."
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,383387.0.html
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