Schiff Impeachment Probe Bogs Down [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 Oct 2019 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

House Intelligence Committee Chairman Rep. Adam Schiff's closed door impeachment hearings are not moving along as he has envisioned they would. According to inside sources, witnesses that Schiff is convinced have damaging evidence against President Trump are resisting Schiff's efforts to put words into their mouths.

Deputy Assistant Secretary of State George Kent reputedly told the Committee that he had qualms about Joe Biden's son Hunter's role on the board of the Ukrainian energy company Burisma Holdings back in 2015, but was rebuffed by the staff of the Vice-President citing "President Obama's full approval for the actions taken to oust the Ukrainian prosecutor looking into the matter."

"Well, wouldn't President Obama's full approval effectively debunk any allegation of wronging by the Bidens?" Schiff is said to have asked Kent. Kent's reported reply that "even if the Bidens' activities had the backing of the President that wouldn't debunk anything. There certainly was the appearance of impropriety. Debunking would, in my opinion, require something more concrete than a claim that higher authority was supposedly on-board with the Bidens."

Schiff is said to be frustrated that "our witnesses are making things harder than they need to be. I keep trying to tell them that there is no one who can contradict whatever they testify to. The simplest option for them is to tell us what we want to hear."

Schiff has also vociferously and publicly defended the secrecy of his undertaking, calling it "essential that we retain the element of surprise to prevent Trump from concocting a plausible-sounding defense of his actions. Thankfully, the impeachment process bypasses the Constitution's guarantee that the accused has the right to confront his accusers and see the evidence of the crimes of which he is accused."

For his part, Trump tweeted that "even the infamous Salem witch trials allowed the accused to confront their accusers. What Schiff, Pelosi and the Democrats are doing is a disgrace."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/270247-2019-10-18-semi-news-semi-satire-october-20-2019-edition.htm

[Bob434]

so sick of looking in my wallet and not seeing $20,000

[Liz]

The State Dept complained when Hunter showed up at a global conference and was introduced as the vice-president.

Schiff dismissed the complaint saying, "Hunter lost his mother as a boy. This is his way to buy maternal love."

[Bernard]

Goody Schiff is suffering from California Democrat disease - he looks like a genius at the local or state level, but more like a traditional idiot at the national level. See “Kamala Harris” for a more detailed explanation of the syndrome.