Skip to comments.Kerry Announces Potential Deal with Iran [semi-satire]
Posted on 09/01/2019 10:50:47 AM PDT by John Semmens
This week, former secretary of state for the Obama Administration John Kerry announced that he has negotiated a deal to reduce tensions between Iran and the United States.
It was tough going, Kerry admitted. The unrelenting hostility of the Trump Administration toward Iran made that countrys leaders very skeptical of the possibility of ever getting to a satisfactory relationship with America. Nevertheless, after weeks of heart-to-heart talks, I was finally able to hammer out a plan to reestablish a path to restore the amicable relationship we had when I was secretary of state.
The terms are simple and easily attainable, Kerry said. All the United States government has to do to get back on Irans good side is revoke the sanctions imposed by President Trump, sincerely repent this act of aggression, and bow down to the Iranian Government. This is a small price to pay for the eternal peace that will follow from joining the umma.
Kerry insisted that the terms he negotiated were not a capitulation. Iran is magnanimously willing to waive the traditional demand of conversion to Islam and will permit a modest annual jizya payment to compensate Iran for the cost of protecting Americans from the righteous slaughter that the Quran prescribes for unbelievers.
CNNs Chris Cuomo called Kerrys initiative courageous and historic, but was not optimistic concerning its fate under Trump because of the Presidents racism and hatred toward foreigners. Kerrys deal would essentially reestablish the deal that President Obama previously agreed to. The bowing down performed by President Obama was barely noticeable to most Americans and the jizya payments were very affordable. However, since Trump unilaterally rejected the Obama deal I cant see him coming to his senses now. It will be up to voters to show their support for the previous policies by electing a Democrat president in 2020.
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
What power does Kerry hold to negotiate anything?
Fooled again! :-D
“John Kerry announced that he has negotiated a deal to reduce tensions between Iran and the United States.”
And on a lighter note, Kerry admitted he slept with the Tooth Fairy and their off spring is AOC.
Every time I hear Kerry’s name, I am saddened that a true American entrepreneur, Henry Heinz, and his great grandson - Henry John Heinz III, have had their hard work and legacy soiled by a true moron and piece of scum - John Kerry. Shame on Theresa Heinz-Kerry.
All we need is for this ugly fool to rear his head again and run for president.. So nice not to have to deal with him UNLESS>>>>>>>> I really do wonder why he hasn’t thrown his hat in the ring.
Oh, and all Christians, Jews must die.
Hahaha Kerry took large sums of cash from Iran. When Trump won , remember him being filmed going to Brussels to pass info to Iran on why their plans are now on hold and then they came out and lashed back they would release names of politicians they bribed? Hahaha what a pickle he is in.
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