Never Bring a Knife To a Squash Fight

Yesterday I decided I better finish up any and all last minute lawn and garden fall maintenance. I thought I was done a couple of weeks ago, but you know - Parkinson’s Law.

So of course there were additional leaves (and they’re not done yet!) to rake, more branches to clean up, a few more plants to deadhead and…one final herb harvest! Only if you live in a winter wonderland of perma-frost will that last late-fall green harvest thrill you as much as the first sprouts of spring.

Especially if they’ve survived several hard freezes and 3 fair-sized snowfalls, as the hearty types in my giant pot of kitchen herbs did. Oh sure, Thyme had given up the fight but Parsley, Sage and Rosemary had refused to stand down, along with Winter Savory, a relatively new recruit to my edible herb repertoire. It’s not easy to find as a seedling but if you see it I would highly recommend adding it to your arsenal. I find it incomparable in white bean dishes including soup and irreplaceable in stewed tomatoes, which, yes, I do actually make.

So it’s Thanksgiving week and while I know a lot of you don’t like cooking – and believe me, I’m beginning to understand that sentiment the older I get – I did find myself with a mess of squash I’ve began collecting for a month or so at the farmers market mostly for fall decor. It was time to either pitch or cook. I managed to cut, gut and roast all the smallish butternuts and buttercups and decided to pitch the lovely blue Cinderellas. That left me with just one relatively small blue Hubbard, arguably the best squash in the world.

I was loath to give it up without a fight but also mindful of the time I attempted to slay one with a very large, sharp kitchen knife and ended up in ER for several hours. Since I didn’t want to risk the incision method (its or mine) again, I recalled reading somewhere – here probably – about dropping the extremely hard shelled Hubbard on concrete in order to crack it and thereby allow entry with a knife or screwdriver without threat of impaling anything other than the squash.

So I consulted Raj: big mistake. He of course suggested the chainsaw which I deemed to be a) overkill and b) unsanitary. So he agreed to drop it on the driveway from over his head to see if it would crack open enough to proceed. Two things: despite arthritis in every joint of his body he still works out and is quite strong and apparently the smallish Hubbards aren’t as tough as their larger siblings. In a nutshell (squash-shell?) cracking was not a problem. Suffice it to say I had to scrub down the driveway after picking up all the slimy pieces. This is what I could salvage:

After roasting and harvesting the flesh all that remained was a pile of dehydrated husks

along with a bowlful of delicious orange flesh. A little mashing, a big knob of butter, some salt and pepper and you have yourself some mighty fine eating my friend. If you like squash.

I froze most of it as squash was not one of my assigned duties for Thanksgiving but it will be delicious with a roast chicken or two come December.

Giving in to anxiety is not as healthy as using a sharp knife. Maybe its just a story to make a better article.

I actually made a similar post a while back. I was talking about working at a food pantry back around 92. It really upset me the way these "needy" people would angrily reject fine gourmet foods requiring prep and demand low grade instant and half spoiled pemade garbage instead. Obviously selections of of any particular thing was generally very limited and the number I could give to any person was by necessity very small or there wouldn't be enough for the whole community. Other than bananas and rutabagas being always available, the only exception of unlimited items that also gave a person choices was winter squash. People would give me some really stupid excuses for why they shouldn't have to be burdened by taking home delicious nutritious food, difficulty of opening may have been the the dumbest and one of the most common. One day there was one rather plump "starving" con-woman that was unusually abrasive through the whole process that became enraged when I suggested squash because "I cant cut that! I have arthritis!" I happened to know that this person lived in a second floor apartment above a cement patio and snapped back something like, "I thought you were starving? Then throw it off the balcony or smash it with a rock!" Maybe not the kindest or best response in retrospect but I knew what was going on over at her place and had had quite enough.

Later, pondering methods available to those that may have real difficulties, I decided to try it for myself and had results much like you see above. I also put different kinds on pans and roasted them whole. The texture was even better and the shells peeled easily peeled right off but it was a physically easy but time intensive process to separate the strings from the meat and the seeds were a loss for further preparation.

While working to spread the gospel as taught by St Acornus of Squash, Ive found that the fried with pepper and salt is the surest way to chase away potential new adherents and only for advanced practioners. The various berry/nut recipes seem to require a more advanced or at least adventurous palate than the average skinless hotdogs and Kraft mac American seems to have cultivated.

The tastebuds of the Mexican food crowd is already lost to culinary hell so dont waste your time on them. For any other American trying squash for the first time I make pie spiced squash (the canned pumpkin most people eat in holiday pie is actually a squash). Theres some forethought and practice needed to cut an acorn so that it balances upright on a rack and not face down in a pan of water but its worth all the oven cleaning in the end. Split and gut them (the squash, not the guests). Enough sugar to lightly coat the exposed surface, butter, a pinch of salt, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, a drip of vanilla, bourbon, or almond. Plate and serve right in the halfshell. For diabetics, skip the sugar, remove from shell and whip in a bit of stevia. Hooks them every time.

Dont throw out those seeds! Not only are they easy for gardeners to dry and store for planting next spring but, they make a snack that tastes better than pumpkin seeds. Separate the seeds from the boogers and soak the seeds in a strong warm salt brine for at least 3 hours or up to 24 hours in the fridge is actually better. Pour off the brine and gently roast the seeds in the oven at low temp (250 is good). Single layer, stirred occasionally so they dont stick. After successfully trying this a few times, try flavor substitutions like seasoning salt instead of regular in the brine or after regilar brining sprinkle on dill, or onion powder or garlic powder before roasting. Ive found that I prefer to leave mine in until they begin to brown as that makes them much crispier than store bought and much nuttier in flavor.

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