Posted on 07/07/2018 6:37:17 PM PDT by Wuli
Don't have regrets, do it.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda don't get it; do it.
One of my greatest ever friends died today. He was my church youth and teen activities counselor when I was growing up. I knew of him and sort of knew him for years before I was a teen, and he was still serving as the youth leader when I became a teen.
He was a very dynamic, energetic and motivating man. He came by our home with an older brother of mine one day, at a point when I wss really in a deppression and with no clue what to do with my life (hated thinking about college as I could not see myself with a special interest in any career - nothing, zip, nada). I was seeing myself as totally lost after high school was over.
He invited me to join him with my teen age group (Methodist Youth Fellowship) the coming Sunday evening, and the rest of my life is history. It got me out of my funk, out of my shell, gave me self-confidence, widened my circle of friends and he, in all our convsersations made a huge impact on me.
I later left California more than 40 years ago and settled here on the east coast. I tried to see him over the years, nearly every time I made it to California. I did see him last spring.
Then I did not get over to the church (yes he was still going there at 99 yrs old), or to his house when I was in California this January. I did not even know that he had been moved to a nursing home ( he would have been 100 next month).
I won't go into the real financial poverty of this man who gave his all in commitment to working in the church, particularly with the youth, and even did so in his 80s.
I often just fantasized about things I wanted to do for him, and then my excuses would be my own life and the distance between us, ect., ect., ect.
You know what, we can chose which things we want to make our excuses for, and it does not always have to be the ect., ect., ect. stuff. Sometimes that will get taken care of, even if we move to do the things we don't want to regret not doing.
I am not now, nor am I going to batter myself over the head. But I do know I am going to try to not have again the kinds of regrets I have about the time and energy I did not get to share with someone who was actually every bit as important to the shaping of my life as my parents.
Think about your truly greatest people in your life, and don't have times you'll look back and say you coulda, woulda, shoulda done more with them.
Just do it.
Thank you for your wise encouragement.
I am sorry you and so many others have lost, for a time, such a dear friend in Christ.
Great post, Wuli.
Sounds like you were a true and appreciative friend as it is. But still the message resonates.
That is a great tribute to your friend and mentor, who clearly lived a life of meaning and action.
Beautiful tribute to your brother in the Lord and wonderful words of wisdom to everyone.
2Thessalonians 2:16-17
Sorry, FRiend. Didn't read this until just now.
I just learned today that an old friend of mine recently died.
Thanks for the post. It makes me think how little effort it takes sometimes to make a huge difference in the life of someone else.
Like you say, just do it.
This reminds me of a friend of mine. I’m mid 50’s, he’s pushing 80. When he was 18, he was on staff at a Christian summer camp in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula. An alder man there noticed that he had a big car and suggested he bring a few kids to camp. He organized some others to join him.
That went on for many years then they bought a bus.
He drove me to camp several times as a youth.
A while later, I got my bus drivers license and started driving myself.
He still has his CDL but doesn’t do the long trips anymore but still maintains the buses and handles all the scheduling.
In many ways he’s my mentor even though I now live hundreds of miles away.
His wife passed away this year after an over 20 year cancer battle.
Two of my kids are at camp now. One on summer staff and a be as a counselor for a week.
I think outside family, I’ve known him longer than anyone else.
Condolences, Wuli. Thanks for sharing words of wisdom.
love
Important post. Thank you for sharing. I have this with a dear friend that passed away about 7 years ago. I didn’t make the effort to go visit her in AZ.
Time goes by in a blink. “I could waste a thousand years” as the song says. But the things that last as memories are when one really makes an effort with people. I didn’t go visit my dad in the nursing home either after he went in in 2016. Not very often. When the staff told my mom he was winding down at the beginning of this past November, we went up to see him a lot for that month. I’m so glad I did. Oh
Thank you again for posting about your dear mentor and friend.
Someone once told me that there are two things with witch Gold will not help man, finding a friend and finding a teacher. Sounds like you did it.
Gold = God. It’s a good thing people don’t come with auto-correct. It’s up to us to get it right.
Beautiful. Dreading tomorrow. My 21 year old son is in the depths of horrible depression, will be facing it then when he comes home. He was a promising writer before this all happened. Life can be tricky. This breaks my heart
That’s a beautiful story. You and your friend are wonderful!
Years ago, I went through two spates of what would have been classified as "severe" "clinical" depression except I was down so low, I never got an official diagnosis because couldn't ask anyone for help. I have pages of my old diaries that were just scribbled over with black crayon.
May the Lord extend His strong arms for your son and you to lean on. Trust always.
I lost a son a year and half ago with leukemia. That is the most difficult life experience a parent can have. It changes everything in life.
Your son... may he overcome the disappointment. The son I lost was a promising writer and musician... a well known manager of well known musician wanted to own my son’s talents. It didn’t work out working with such despicable people and that manager vowed if my son did not work for him, he’d not work anywhere. They can do that, and did.
The disppointment of a planned career, gone... and the determination of making your life all over again.. to count again. It’s not easy... but it’s possible.. life is knowing how to deal with the disappointments.. for there will be some along the way.. caring and being there helps.. and may the heavy load lift for your son!
A nice way to ‘pay back’ your friend would be to pass on his kindness. Adopt an MYF group... (United Methodist Youth Organization (UMYO)?) and pass on your friends kindness...
[...] would be my own life and the distance between us, ect., ect., ect. You know what, we can choose which things we want to make our excuses for, and it does not always have to be the ect., ect., ect. stuff.
Note: "Etc." (not "ect.") is the abbreviation of et cetera ("and so on").
Regards,
Me, too, but in northern California. At least I got to say good-bye over the phone. She was such an amazing mentor who loved me dearly right to the end. Her bravery was astonishing. May she rest in peace, my friend, Judith Ann Hammond.
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