Posted on 06/27/2018 8:30:06 AM PDT by Oldpuppymax
Hat Tip: Alan Cooperman
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" Birth of an engineer
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don' t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #7
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
Engineering
Two engineering students were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One student shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both have since flunked out and are now serving in the U.S. Congress.
Three surgeons are discussing which patients are the easiest to operate on.
The first surgeon says that electrical engineers are the easiest to operate on; “Once you open them up, you just refer to the wiring diagram that’s inside.”
The second surgeon says that mechanical engineers are the easiest to operate on; “Once you open them up, you just refer to the blue print that’s inside.”
The third surgeon says that politicians are the easiest to operate on: “They’ve only got two moving parts, their mouth and their anus, and those are interchangeable.”
I understand the dream is fairly common to intelligent schooledpeople...i get them once or twice a year...why i dont know...i used to be anxious in the dream...but now i realize its a dream while im in the dream...and i let it play itself out..
Bookmark
Indeed, this does happen......Have this sort of dream decades after school.
I’m an engineer, have been one for 33 years. Mr. Roo Roo thinks I have some engineer personality characteristics (OCD LOL, always trying to solve problems around the house, reading mathematics or physics articles for fun, etc).
But I’m aso a girl, so I love shoe and purse shopping. I’m also a floral designer, and I collect Waterford crystal and fine china. I am sort of an enigma to both my husband and male engineer coworkers LOL.
Never did learn to use the advanced scales. Last used it in anger was in a chemistry exam. I cursed as all the students with new electronic calculators were finishing the exam am I am still slamming away on the slide rule.
Got a HP25 programmable right after that debacle.
I’m an EE just a couple of years away from retirement, and I still have an occasional recurring dream.
It’s a Fields class, and I can pull up my grade with an outstanding score on my final.
Instead I oversleep and arrive 75 minutes late to a 90 minute exam.
Now with all us Engineers in the same place...
Has anyone taken the Myers–Briggs personality quiz?
I am an INTP, and was wondering about others who chose Engineering.
Waitaminuehere.
Bought mine in 1991, drowned in coffee in 2014. RIP.
I do run an emulator on my phone however.
The only thing that I use it for now is as a straight edge, or a ruler. It ought to be in a museum, next to an abacus.
I have my old (circa 1958) sly drool. I paid $20 for it; the best model cost $30 and I didn’t know the difference between the two at the time or I would have sprung for the extra $10. The better model had a more accurate square root function, for one thing, but the physical characteristics were also better. It would have been worth it - but when I asked the clerk about the value of the more expensive model, he didn’t know as much about slide rules as I did.I agree that it is useful only as a straight edge - but mostly, it’s a memento. I took a review course decades later, and systematically borrowed a company HP-35 calculator to do the homework. One day I needed to do homework for the class, but I forgot to borrow the calculator and so I fell back on the old slide rule. Or tried to; I found I just didn’t have the patience to keep track of the decimal point, and after a couple of tries I just allowed the homework to slide. It was that frustrating.
I don’t have occasion to do sophisticated calculations any more, but I love the idea that with a good spreadsheet my computer can crunch whatever numbers you got.
Your HS chemistry teacher was hyper conservative in teaching what he knew and had always taught; the writing was on the wall by then.
INTP
https://www.16personalities.com/intp-personality
I’m an ENFP
https://www.16personalities.com/enfp-personality
Extroverted Nutty Flake
Very odd configuration for a Engineer type
I’m not an engineer but stil have dreams like that.
Over a calc course.
Wow. Thanks I have those same dreams.
My daughter went in to her calc exam, in which calculators were not permitted, carrying her father’s slide rule.
She asked the TA if the slide rule was acceptable. He looked at her and asked “You know how to use that?!”
And then said, *Well, the rules are no calculators and that’s not a calculator, so if you can use that, go ahead.*
There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down.
“Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the mechanical engineer.
“Well”, says the chemical engineer, “it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system.”
“I thought it might be an grounding problem”, says the electrical engineer, “or maybe a faulty plug lead.”
They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: “Well, what do you think?” “Ummm perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?”
LOL.
Mr mm is an engineer and mm jr. is a network engineer.
Both girls are basically, too, but have their degrees in other STEM fields.
I’m really the only non engineer in the family with my meteorology degree.
Our dinnertime conversations sounds a lot like Big Bang Theory (the older cleaner version)
I still have a working HP15C from the mid 80's. If you had the smarts to figure out how to use it, you should have been able to pass many STEM classes.
My wife said: “Please go to the store and buy a carton of milk and if they have eggs, get six.” I came back with 6 cartons of milk She said, “why in the hell did you buy six cartons of milk”
“They had eggs”
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