Posted on 06/04/2017 7:24:26 PM PDT by poconopundit
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The election of Donald Trump has caused a national epidemic: Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS).
To protect the public, The National Center for Leftist Depression has issued a public health poster that identifies 14 types of TDS and 10 symptoms to recognize as a sure sign that a person has caught Trump Derangement Syndrome.
The Center's Director (and sometime fake journalist), Dr. Poconono Punditowski, a noted pioneer in the research and treatment of TDS, is keen on alerting the nation of the danger:
"TDS is a serious health threat. Nearly all Leftists, about half the US population, are at risk of getting TDS. The disease typically strikes in the evening hours as Leftists and Never Trumpers turn on network channels or watch YouTube and are bombarded with news of Trump signing executives orders, having Oval Office meetings where everyone is smiling, and sending tweets that destroy fake news reporters."
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"Now unfortunately, TDS trigger events often come at unexpected times. For example, the call center that answers our hotline phones (1-800-TDS-HELP) saw a YUGE surge in TDS outbreaks the night Trump, the Saudi King, and Egyptian President el-Sisi put their hands on a glowing orb. That event, coupled with the unexpectedly warm welcome Trump received from the leaders of Muslim nations, caused a kind of double whammy TDS attack."
"One preventative measure I recommend: anybody at risk for TDS needs to absolutely avoid watching any positive news of Trump winning. And I recognize that prescription is getting harder as Trump keeps winning, and winning, and winning.
"But the good news is that TDS has a cure: it's the drug Trumpazine, and it works wonders. People taking it report immediate relief and they can sustain that relief by taking the recommended dosage of one Trumpazine pill 3 times a day (after meals) for two weeks.
"The only other cure we know of is to be constantly exposed to cats (or kittens). Let me explain. The active ingredient in Trumpazine is catnip. And when cats smell catnip it excites their pheromomes and as long as the sufferer is close is the cats, a chemical reaction occurs that calms the human down, providing the TDS relief."
"The only drawback with the cat cure is that you need quite a few cats around you to feel the effect. For instance, to get the same potency as one Trumpazine pill, you need at least 10 fully-grown cats (or 20 kittens) surrounding the patient. And that should be repeated three times a day. "For that reason, the cat treatment is usually not practical for most TDS sufferers, although Salem, a village of Boston populated by many witches, is reporting excellent results with the cat treatment."
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Trumpazine is available as an over the counter drug. To locate a pharmacy in your area who carries Trumpazine in stock, please click the advertisement below.
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This. Is. Awesome!
LOLOL
Entirely believable. Predictable, even.
OH MY GOSH!!! That was GREAT!!!
I have it saved, will play it everyday!!!
Thank you so much...
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