Posted on 08/02/2016 10:56:43 AM PDT by Scythian_Reborn
I've been married 25 years, I'm not going to go into the reasons but I just need to file for divorce, we have three kids, youngest is in high school. Love them more than I can say, to live in a different house than them is the most terrible thing I can imagine.
Already my heart is breaking just thinking about it but there's no saving this marriage. Have any of you been through such a thing? How did you cope with the loneliness. I am not a drinker and don't have a lot of friends.
Do any of you regret it terribly, I need to know ...
That's the Primary Directive.
Put up with the misery and stay put.
DO NOT ABANDON THE HOUSEHOLD! That alone could be worth 10's of thousands of dollars.
Don't inflame arguments...try to remain passive. It's important for any/all witnesses to see that, especially the kids.
If she goes crazy on you, call the cops NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!
You will have regrets my friend, don’t fool yourself.. especially if kids are involved... fortunately yours are older which is good. My oldest was 13 when we split... she basically undermined my value to him passive aggressively from the divorce on...
Once he no longer had to visit, I have attempted to keep the Relationship, but I rarely hear from him, or see him... doesn’t seek my advice on anything. Is going to be 20, not going to school and mother is letting him just work minimum wage job and live at home...
I don’t regret divorcing my wife, but I know, and realized quite early after the split, that my son would not be able to reach his full potential with how she was interacting with him and undermining me. She’s will continue to enable his immaturity and coddle him, even if she intellectually knows he needs live to kick him in the teeth a bit to grow up.
Part of this is the age, so I do have hope he will come around, but the insanely strained relationship I have with my son today is far more heart wrenching than the end of the marriage.
My only words of advice is, don’t be nice, she’s not going to be.. the system is stacked against you, and no nice thing you ever do will be recognized, and it will be used against you. “Being the bigger man” when it comes to divorce sadly is only going to make things worse in the long run.
Good luck to you, your life will be hell for a while... find someone you can help you through it... You will get bitter.... You will find levels of hate you probably didn’t know existed in you... You will see just how nasty the woman you loved can be... and how petty.. and all the other things as well.
The only other word of advice is, get it done as quick as you can... mine should never have been as bad as it was, but she hired a grossly incompetent lawyer, who covered up his incompetence by claiming I was doing things to screw her over, when in fact it was just he didn’t have a clue what he was doing so every time he screwed up, he’d blame it on me doing something evil or wicked.
Again good luck.
“Since my separation early June, I’ve killed more Trojans than Achilles.”
There is some real truth here.
There are LOTS of women out there and some real treasures if you are patent.
I decided to not go this route as it would have damaged my spirit.
You have to do what you have to do. I went through it 20 years ago and the kids were small. The relationship was toxic and would have never held.
I would suggest if you have not got an attorney yet. Get one that specializes in men. They know more than the ins or outs.
Be blessed and stay strong. It’s survivable I remarried 19 years ago an am happy as a lark!
Freegards
LEX
“Do not move out of the house until a court tells you to do so.”
That’s the Primary Directive.
Put up with the misery and stay put.
DO NOT ABANDON THE HOUSEHOLD! That alone could be worth 10’s of thousands of dollars.
Don’t inflame arguments...try to remain passive. It’s important for any/all witnesses to see that, especially the kids.
If she goes crazy on you, call the cops NO MATTER WHAT!!!!!!!!
Please listen to this advice. Not doing so will cost you 10s of thousands of $$$$$$$
I don’t care if she comes home at 2am from the bar with two guys that are going to split roast her, DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.
Why does divorce cost so much?
Because it is worth it.
Prepare to be accused of abuse.
“Don’t date another American woman if you can avoid it.”
This is 100% spot on.
Damn Straight !
It’s true. But I know a guy that paid more from breaking up with a girl friend that what he did from a divorce with two kids. It was a mess.
I guess my 3 divorces were easy and I stayed friends with each of them. I always just gave away them everything except my clothes, guns, fishing tackle, truck, bedroom set, and TV.
I made enough money that I knew I could just buy whatever else I thought I needed again.
I know some here are telling you to use the nuclear option and not knowing you or your soon to ex-wife, I can’t really tell you what to do except that you will survive but it is an adjustment. As for me I always locked myself in my house for about a year except for work, hunting, fishing, and working out to get back into shape so that when I did start to date again at least I was in shape. This also kept me from doing the rebound thing.
“Prepare to be accused of abuse.”
Boy that is the truth, especially if you file first. She will run to the court and get an ex parte hearing for domestic violence. It’s their default action.
Two things that helped: she had been through about 3 separate nasty custody fights with her ex over one kid. She didn’t want a 4th battle with me, so we split custody of the kids. She has daughter, I have son.
A Sophie’s choice.
The other thing is, she knew how pissed off I was both in general about life and with the cheating etc situation specifically.
She also knew if I got f**ked over badly enough, I’d go fly to Iraq and join the Kurds fighting ISIS. I already told her if I got screwed over, I’d leave. I got load-bearing vest, other suitable clothing and equipment. I’m loaded for bear. I’d leave, never come back, and she’d not get a penny.
This is 100% spot on.
If you finally divorce, do not marry and do not cohabitate with another. Marriage has become a losing prospect, especially for men, in the last 50 years in this country.
Trust me, you’ll have plenty of time to cry in your beer later.....I’ve been divorced three times (widowed once) and never paid a dime. You just need to have the “right attitude” The last one was asked by the Judge what did she want? She actually said “I want him the F...ck out of my life!” Judge looked at me deadpan, and said “are you agreeable to that?” I said “HELL YA!!, Lunch is on me. Including her lawyer.” What a nice woman! Never understood how she got tangled up with me.
Since my separation early June, I’ve killed more Trojans than Achilles.
Thats funny...I don’t care who ya are...
Time heals all wounds...
Was married for 23 years, divorce not by choice, but so glad it happened.
NO MORE SNORING and NO MORE well, you know, the middle of the night, um honey, can we... I AM A FREE WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!
Watch out for divorce porn solutions like war room, fireproof, etc. Those are fem centric propaganda. Be sure there is no solution, and if there isn’t, get a lawyer and be hard about it. Then enjoy life.
I think they teach it on the first day of law school.
“She also knew if I got f**ked over badly enough, I’d go fly to Iraq and join the Kurds fighting ISIS. I already told her if I got screwed over, I’d leave. I got load-bearing vest, other suitable clothing and equipment. I’m loaded for bear. I’d leave, never come back, and she’d not get a penny.”
LOLOLOL. That’s funny. I love how the woman says it’s all about the kids. Then, after jawboning with their slut girlfriends they learn about the $$$$$ they can get and suddenly things change.
“Watch out for divorce porn solutions like war room, fireproof, etc.”
Hell yea it is. 100% anti-male propaganda. Don’t fall for that garbage.
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