Posted on 03/10/2016 7:21:58 AM PST by harpygoddess
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris doesn’t call the wrong number, you answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
When Chuck Norris crosses the street the cars have to look both ways.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris’ leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
(Excerpt) Read more at vaviper.blogspot.com ...
I will develop myself to the maximum of my potential in all ways. I will forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements. I will continually work at developing love, happiness and loyalty in my family. I will look for the good in all people and make them feel worthwhile. If I have nothing good to say about a person, I will say nothing. I will always be as enthusiastic about the success of others as I am about my own. I will maintain an attitude of open-mindedness. I will maintain respect for those in authority and demonstrate this respect at all times. I will always remain loyal to my God, my country, family and my friends. I will remain highly goal-oriented throughout my life because that positive attitude helps my family, my country and myself
Chuck Norris once uppercutted a horse. It’s descendents are known as “Giraffes.”
Great guy and example to young people.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
Just damn ... didn’t see it in the list
Chuck Norris does not walk from place to place. He shuffles his feet and then the Earth rotates beneath them until he is where he wants to be.
Chuck Norris does not read books. He stares them down until they tell him what he wants to know.
I would run into him from time to time in the southbay of L.A. nice guy
Norris is 76.
Chuck Norris once visited "The Virgin Islands"...now, they're just known as "The Islands".
NYC is the city that never sleeps, unless Chuck Norris tells it to.
When Chuck Norris walks into a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on, he turns the darkness off ...
When Chuck Norris runs a red light, traffic cops try to talk THEIR way out of it.
Every night before he goes to sleep, the Boogey Man checks under his bed and in his closet for Chuck Norris.
In Russia, Chuck Norris does the same as he would in America.
Chuck Norris once visited “The Virgin Islands”...now, they’re just known as “The Islands”.
The Sahara Desert was the Sahara Forest until Chuck sharpened his ax.
Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups. He pushes the world down.
Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare that he only eats unicorns
Chuck Norris only has 2 speeds; stop & kill
Chuck Norris came out with his own brand of toilet paper. It was recalled because it wouldn’t take any S***.
Lol!
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