Posted on 02/10/2014 7:28:25 AM PST by mononymous
The following is mostly satire.
Comedian Jerry Seinfeld was criticized this week for not including minority comedians in his web comedy series. In response, the comedian said, “I have a dream that we live in a nation where comedians are not judged by the color of their skin but by the humorous content of their schtick. This skin color obsession has got to go! It has even given us a mediocre dictator, instead of a Stalin we got a Mugabe!”
As noted last week, Sandra Fluke was considering running for Congress in the district currently represented by Henry Waxman who is retiring. After the initial flirtation with a potential candidacy, Ms. Fluke decided to withdraw in what is being described as her very first and likely last encounter with coitus interruptus.
Super Bowl XLVIII was played on Sunday or properly put, the Seahawks played football and the Broncos were spectators and yet, it appears that TV viewership of the game broke all records. However, a spokesman for the Nielsen ratings company said it is quite likely that “millions and millions” of people were counted because their TVs remained tuned into the game long after they had fallen asleep.
Prior to the snoozefest, Bill O’Reilly (who looks out for you), interviewed President Obama. In a stunning display of laser-like focus and consistency, the President continued his attack on the 1 percenters. “I enjoy the support of 99% of the media,” the President said, “Fox News and its 1% reach is the reason for all my problems!”
Kaiser Wilhelm II aka Kaiser Wilhelm, The Turd, said this week that he will be boycotting the St. Patrick’s day parade this year because the organizers will not let gays participate. Asked to comment, an organizer said, “Only when there is tolerance for us participating in a “Gay Pride” parade carrying a sign reading “Homos Suck” will we allow their participation in ours.” To this, Kaiser Wilhelm, The Turd responded, “If they’d only allow my wife to be Grand Marshal of their parade, I’ll consider the matter settled in my favor.”
Amid reports of improper facilities and equipment shortages in Sochi for the Winter Olympics, Russian President Vladimir Putin took the press on a grand tour. Mr. Putin is reported to have told the American media, “We are so ahead of you. This is where your country is headed, we’ve been there, done that with Communism.”
More trouble for Obamacare and Democrats this week; the CBO said that over 2 million people will lose their job because of the law. Seeking to gain favor with low information voters or “lofos,” Democrats went on the offense claiming that the loss of work is a benefit to people which is in stark contrast to the lip service the President paid to the concept of, “if you work hard, you can get ahead in America.” Democrats believe that if people buy their “job block” crap, they will be able to roll out the ultimate defense for the failing law in the fall: “Obamacare works best, if you’re already dead.” For bumpersticker promotion, the line will be changed to: “Obamacare works best, if you’re already at rest.”
This has been NewsReal for the week ending February, 8th, 2014. And yes, the media are still depraved, deceitful and devious.
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