Argentina has a severe ketchup crisis and we can help [Attempted satire]

Dan Miller's Blog ^ | February 8, 2014 | Dan Miller

[DanMiller]

Argentinia's Ketchup Crisis must not go to waste. It requires immediate Senate confirmation of President Obama's appointment of Noah Bryson Mamet as U.S. Ambassador to Argentina.

It has not been a good start of the year for Argentineans [sic.]: a collapsing currency value, rampant inflation, Lionel Messi losing out on his fourth straight FIFA Ballon d'Or and, maybe worst of all, the great McDonald’s ketchup shortage of 2014.

The fast food giant sent a message out via Twitter earlier this week apologizing for the inconvenience that Argentineans [sic.] will have to suffer through their Big Mac and French fries without the pre-requisite ketchup.

“The ketchup shortage at our local branches is momentary and we hope to solve it as soon as possible,” the McDonald’s tweet in Spanish said. “We’re bringing in other sauces to replace it while we try to fix the problem.”

Mr. Mamet has never been to Argentina and may (or may not) be familiar with fast food establishments. He may (or may not) speak Argentinian Spanish. However, he was a successful bundler for President Obama and the Democrat Party in 2012, "collecting at least $500,000, according to OpenSecrets.org." He is, therefore, fully qualified to be our ambassador and should be capable of assisting Argentina in surviving and then ending her Ketchup Crisis.

As our ambassador, Mr. Mamet will be in close contact with equally qualified Secretary of State John "Ketchup" Kerry and therefore able to demonstrate his good will -- and of course that of the United States -- toward Argentina by dealing decisively with that poor nation's most severe current crisis. Dealing with it will likely be the highlight of his, as well as Secretary Kerry's, diplomatic careers.

Mr. Mamet's confirmation and then close association with Secretary Kerry will (further) distract the latter from foreign policy issues in Iran and in the Israeli - Palestinian peace process. Granting Israel even temporary respite from Secretary Kerry's bundling bungling there, and the world from his bungling in the Iranian nuke situation, require Mr. Mamet's immediate confirmation.

[Dr. Sivana]

Argentineans [sic.] will have to suffer through their Big Mac and French fries without the pre-requisite ketchup.

1. Big Macs don't have ketchup 2. Fries are often eaten with other condiments abroad (e.g. Mayo, malt vinegar, gravy)

[shibumi]

But! Can it match the terrible Norwegian Butter Crisis?

[GeronL]

ketchup crisis, lol