Posted on 01/17/2014 7:50:49 AM PST by mononymous
The following is mostly satire.
This week, the FBI dropped all criminal investigations related to the IRS targeting of conservative groups; they said that under direction of Attorney General Eric Holder, they’ll be off to help OJ find the real killers. Resources are also needed, they say, in handing out weapons to Mexican drug cartels; the FBI is apparently worried that if they are not fast, the cartels will be furious.
Gov. Chris Christie, at another press conference to discuss the GWB scandal, expressed dismay that the media would be concerned about the size of things, he reportedly said, “look, I know it’s big, huge even, but have you guys taken a look at Hillary’s thighs recently?” He went on to add, “the woman’s got 20 + years of scandals on her resume, I have a lot of catching up to do if I want a promotion. I mean, we are talking about the presidency here…”
Speaking about Hillary, a Senate committee, run by Democrats, declared this week that the murder of our personnel in Benghazi could have been avoided. On learning this, she repeated a line she’d previously borrowed from her impeached husband, “what difference, at this point, does it make….” Mr. Clinton had used the same line when news broke about the existence of Ms. Lewinsky’s stained blue dress.
It was also revealed this week that back in 2008, Hillary started an enemies list. Remember when Democrats used to beat up Nixon about enemies list? Oh, right, they still do. It appears that the info was kept in an excel spreadsheet, with a number from 1 to 5 assigned to each name. Anyone rated at #1 is going to be personally rotisseried by Hillary, in hell. Those rated at #5 are going to have a loved one harassed by Bill or, depending on distance, by Anthony Weiner. Anyway, since Rahm “Dead Fish” Emmanuel wrote an app that makes it very easy to do; enemies list is all the rage for the power hungry who simply wait, probably at a bridge some where, to mete out their revenge.
Oprah Winfrey was back in the news this week for not being nominated for an Oscar. Apparently, her movie was a flop and white Hollywood limousine liberals, to be redundant, blamed “racists,” Tea party types for not wanting to pay to see the movie. “These are the same types of people,” one industry spokesperson said, “who wouldn’t recognize her magnificence or even sell her a handbag. The bastards.”
The new mayor of NYC, Bill de Blasio aka Kaiser Wilhelm II aka Kaiser Wilhelm The Turd, wants to quickly and promptly ban horse drawn carriages in Central Park. Apparently, he wants to be the only horse’s ass in town.
More trouble reported for Obamacare’s website. Hackers have said that it is still a security nightmare. So now, instead of random people getting those scam letters from Nigerians with names like, Idougo, Iwokeje, and so on, people, en masse, are submitting to all types of personal identity scams at the demands of a Kenyan named Obama.
President Obama claimed this week that the fruits of one’s hard work is really, really meaningful. Except for if you can’t find work or if the work is “work that Americans won’t do” in which case we must give amnesty to illegal aliens and let others enjoy the fruits of their hard work.
Michelle Obama celebrated her 50th birthday this week. Or, counted another way, it’s been a mere 5 years since she first experienced pride in her country.
This has been Newsreal for the week of January, 12th, 2014. And yes, the media is still a network of neutered nitwits.
Nicely done. One must read between the lines of the MSM to discern what they know but do not tell..
Thanks very much. I agree with your comments on the MSM; I don’t know if they actually should be considered “news” people anymore.
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