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Scandinavian youths suspected in knockout attacks (Satire)
The Peoples Cube ^ | 1/10/14 | Olga Photoshopova

Posted on 01/12/2014 7:08:41 PM PST by Impala64ssa

Within the past several months, U.S. citizens have been horrified by a wave of random physical assaults. It is hard to put a finger on who is committing these crimes, since news articles are scant on physical descriptions of the attackers.

Most news reports lack identifying photos, and simply state that the attackers are "youths" or "teens." With such broad descriptions, it is difficult to determine if the attackers are white racists, angry Asians, Hopi Indians, or merely black pre-schoolers, having some fun on the way to the store to buy Skittles.

To speed up the investigation, a criminal profiler with the FBI was brought in to form a motive and physical description of the attackers. The profiler came up with the following:

The attackers are most certainly white male youths.

The savageness of these beatings leads me to believe that these youths are angry that they won the genetic lottery. Their fathers were active in their lives and looked after them financially, never once applying for government welfare.

The youths express their anger through metal music and gothic dress style. They likely belong to a nationwide gang of Scandinavian skinheads who worship the manifesto of Anders Brevik.

Through some keen detective work, The People's Cube has unearthed a photo of a gang of thugs, posted on a Twitter account called "whytethug4lyfe."

Other social accounts were uncovered, linking to cell phone videos of the attacks, posted on a website called White WorldStar.

With this influx of new clues, we are confident that the police are close to making several arrests. Local prosecutors are preparing to ask that the Scandinavian youths receive the maximum jail sentence, without the possibility of parole, because they're white.

One local prosecutor's assistant, on condition of anonymity, stated that, "We can't just have Scandinavian male youths roaming the streets. They should be locked up, where they belong."


TOPICS: Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: knockoutgames
NOW will you people stop blaming the Amish? ;)
1 posted on 01/12/2014 7:08:41 PM PST by Impala64ssa
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To: Impala64ssa
Maybe it was the Scandinavian chapter of Hells Angels on vacation in the US....

Great Nordic Biker War - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Nordic_Biker_War‎

Just days later, an anti-tank rocket was fired at the Hells Angels clubhouse. ... On 1 March 1996, the Hells Angels attacked the Bandidos' Helsinki clubhouse ...

2 posted on 01/12/2014 7:17:11 PM PST by spokeshave (OMG.......Schadenfreude overload is not covered under Obamacare :-()
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To: Impala64ssa
rätt på...rätt på


3 posted on 01/12/2014 7:23:41 PM PST by MeshugeMikey ( Help fight The Neo Stalinists! Donate to your Free Republic)
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To: Impala64ssa

4 posted on 01/12/2014 7:28:04 PM PST by dfwgator
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To: Impala64ssa
Olga Photoshopova?

That got a chuckle outta me.

5 posted on 01/12/2014 7:30:27 PM PST by Navy Patriot (Join the Democrats, it's not Fascism when WE do it, and the Constitution and law mean what WE say.)
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To: Impala64ssa
I thought it was more something like this:

Gang Of Racist Muslims Attack Swedish Citizens In Stockholm 2013

6 posted on 01/12/2014 8:39:11 PM PST by Vince Ferrer
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To: dfwgator

LOL - haven’t thought of that sketch in years.


7 posted on 01/12/2014 11:57:59 PM PST by RightGeek (FUBO and the donkey you rode in on)
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