Will the last one leaving Detroit please shoot out the streetlights?
Posted on 12/27/2013 8:52:40 PM PST by John Semmens
Detroit’s decline into bankruptcy and decay seems to have boosted its desirability as a sight for tourists to visit. Howard Carter, a recent visitor to the City’s ruins, was quite enthusiastic, “It’s like seeing the pyramids without having to wait thousands of years for them to turn into ruins.”
Carter congratulated himself on his good fortune. “Instead of having to pay thousands of dollars to take the family to Egypt we were all able to hop in the car and drive over from Canton,” Carter boasted. “At most we’re out a few hundred bucks instead of the thousands an overseas trip would’ve cost us. And every dollar we spent stayed in the US helping to boost our own economy.”
Locals are even giving guided tours. “We paid a guy $50 bucks for a three-hour tour,” Carter said. “In addition to describing the decay from prior greatness he was able to direct us past dangerous areas where roving gangs of violent youths battle each other for turf and prey upon unwary intruders.”
Retiring Mayor Dave Bing (D) declared himself “pleased with the City’s ability to transition to a new way of life. From the media coverage you’d think that the City is just a big wasteland. But even wastelands have a part to play in the evolution of a culture.”
Bing modestly refused to take all the credit, “I’ve done as much as I could in the last five years, but the momentum was established by policies set in place a long time ago. My role was more like a basketball player dribbling out the clock to preserve the team’s win.”
In related news, Wisconsin is spending millions of dollars to maintain vacant public school buildings rather than rent or sell the space to charter schools. Milwaukee Public Schools spokesman Anthony Tagliavia explains that “letting charter schools use these buildings and grounds would remove the one remaining competitive advantage public schools have over these rivals. Forcing charter schools to rent vacant commercial space denies them the opportunity to offer suitable playgrounds the children might use for recess or PE.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
http://azconservative.org/2013/12/28/detroit-ruins-draw-tourists-to-city/
ping
Ah ... when all else fails ... just make it a tourist attraction. Heck ... I would go, just to see what a city looks like after it has thoroughly collapsed. Some of those abandoned buildings do have quite a photographic appeal ... :-) ...
Will the last one leaving Detroit please shoot out the streetlights?
Nicely crafted though.
That an American city could succumb to such a fate is terrifying.
This is a testament to how far we have fallen.. and yet another proof that socialism is a path to despair.
LOL ... and ... I do recognize that picture (and movie) ... :-) ...
Detroit didn’t fall. It was pushed.
Good point :-)
If anybody believes this, I got a bridge in new York for sale.....
I disagree. Detroit is a testament to how high the democratic party has risen. Wahoo Dems. You’re killing the nation city by city.
Nice one, John. I like the Howard Carter reference.
You’re killing the nation city by city.
They’re like locusts. Move in, consume, move on.
It would be hilarious if they had actor gangbangers hijack the bus and rob the driver, just to add a touch of authenticity.
lol
build a big wall around it
I believe it used to be called The 2nd Paris so the buildings which are decaying are still interesting to see.
and yes I know it is a satire but still.....sniff, sniff, I grew up there.
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