Posted on 05/02/2013 2:54:15 AM PDT by 2ndDivisionVet
...and usually not a very fun hobby.
On your theme, I will only add;
when the sex is good it is 10 % of the marriage (in that it’s not discussed per say, it just works)
and when it’s not good it is 90 % of the problem.
Just something I picked up along the way.
Three out of the five have to do with sex. This reads like some cheesy Cosmo titillator than true advice on sustaining a marriage. I mean, does this author really think that all husbands care about is their wives’ bodies? i wouldn’t ask my middle-aged wife/mother of three to wear a “sexy” teddy to bed any more than she would ask this spare-tired middle-aged schlub to wear a Speedo. because frankly, my wife would be beautiful to me if she was wearing a home-made gunny sack.
It’s her heart I find attractive, not just the parts of her punished by gravity.
Have not yet read the piece, but it had better include “I’ll fix him later”. Trying to change their chosen guy is probably a big contributor to the problem.
6-10. Don’t try and fix me later.
You have nailed it, from a twice divorced 62 year old husband, now happily married to a fine woman for 20 years. She doesn't try to change me and I don't try to change her...we are perfect..LOL
FMCDH(BITS)
exactly correct
I would presume “Stop having sex with your husband” is the same as #2 - “Quit being his girlfriend”.
/I’m not cheated on, nor divorced, but I can certainly understand why it happens. My wife has decided that sex is not a priority, or in fact, going to happen at all. We’re early to mid 40’s, and frankly, working at a university makes the “whoa” factor difficult. I’ve asked her to see doctor(s), and even asked to set up counseling with one of our pastors, but so far, it’s not happened. My wife tells me “Love you”, or “Thanks Babe”, and all I feel is regret - if she’s going to talk like that - then act like it, too. Actions speak louder than words. It’s been almost a calendar year since we were last together, and is the chief reason why I started drinking so heavily, and so often. I’ve fixed that (quit drinking altogether), but this can’t go on.
I’m doing the praying thing, that’s for sure, asking God to fix me, or fix her - because life isn’t supposed to be like this. It’s supposed to be more abundant, exceedingly good.
All your points can be done with friends and even in a marriage if all these points are done, but she is not doing the first five, then the marriage is in serious trouble.
Well said.
I believe in the philosophy of "Ignore what she says, watch what she does".
My definition of "love", is "being willing to make an effort, or pay a price, in order to enhance the life of another". You can measure how much a person really loves you, by how much time and effort she's willing to expend on enhancing your happiness.
If you've made clear to her that sex is what makes you happy, and she's not interested, then that means she's not interested in making you happy.
I've had more than one friend whose wife lost interest in sex with him, only to discover that she was still interested in sex, just not with him.
By all means. And get to know each other thoroughly before you take that atep.
I'd also add---ladies, it won't hurt you to learn to cook and have a meal on the table for your husband. My ex sister-in-law (married to my husband's brother) used to take their son and leave the house for a fast food meal most nights. She would tell her husband to get whatever he could find to eat.
Holy scripture lays out the way things should be. With modern day feminism, we've witnessed an explosion in divorce.
Let the guy be the protector, bread winner, spiritual leader. STOP making lil wussy’s out of our male kiddo's. Teach a boy to grow up and be a man!
Two captains attempting to drive the ship ultimately results in the ship on the rocks.
I for one would like to see more traditional male/female roles in marriage.
#1 mistake that leads to divorce: Marry the wrong woman. Men, don’t marry the wrong woman. If you keep your large head in control of the situation, you’ll know who the wrong women are.
#2 mistake that leads to divorce: Getting married in the first place.
Today, with the law stacked as absurdly as it is against men in family and divorce courts, I tell young men (under the age of 30 or so) “Don’t get married. I don’t care how much she says she loves you. She can strip you of your rights with a claim of domestic violence to the police or a court, and she can give you a life of penury and misery in divorce court. Do you want to take a chance of ruining the rest of your life?”
At this point, I’d be happy if she was cheating; at least then I would know it’s me. But for a mid-40’s woman to just lose all interest isn’t right. And not wanting to see a doctor about it, isn’t either.
Like I said, I’m just gonna pray about it, and before too long, I’m going to schedule the counselling session, with or without her.
Dunno, I’m a confirmed bachelor, but I can state that playing videogames over his shoulder during sex is a little off-putting...
You take that attitude, and a culture of no children or fatherless children results. Which is exactly what's happening in the West.
Fix the problem, don't perpetuate it!
it does happen sometimes, and a doctor isn’t always the answer - someone doesn’t want to want someone because of what comes out of a pill bottle
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