[HChampagne]

I am not chuckling.

[Reaganite Republican]

*** ping ***

[Berlin_Freeper]

I don’t drink. Problem solved, infinitum.

[FlingWingFlyer]

I also have a huge sense of humor. I’ve been having this same problem since November 6th. People are in a very foul mood in this country and nobody wants to laugh anymore. I guess I can’t blame them. I got this in an email yesterday and thought it was funnier than ...heck.

[equaviator]

I shudder to think that there are young people on the roads who drink, text and drive. They might even be drinking in the car at the same time. The future belongs to who?

[Casie]

Hilarious. My mom was hit by a drunk driver.

I hate to be a party pooper but DO NOT DRIVE DRUNK. And if you think you absolutely must drive drunk, please make sure to only injure or kill yourself.

[Ezekiel]

This came as a real surprise to me, since I had never driven a cab before -don't know where I got it- and now that it's in my garage I really don't know what to do with it...

Save it for New Year's! :)

[imardmd1]

I understand the story. I’m not like that anymore, but back in the dipsy days, I often had to drive home - too inebriated to walk. But it was too dangerous, so I got an apartment with the bar on the first floor so I could get home safe and without anybody stepping on my fingers. Too old for tanglefoot now -—

[RoosterRedux]

That story is a nice example of a lengthy paraprosdokian. Here's a good short one by Groucho Marx:

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening...but this wasn't it."

Here's another nice one (unattributed):

Behind every successful man is a woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

[FreedomPoster]

I’d already seen it via email.

On a more serious note, a friend/business contact got a DUI two weeks ago. I was all I could do to not forward this one on to him; it was just too soon.

First time for him, it will still be painful.

[Vigilanteman]

You did the right thing. I helped work my way through college by driving a cab in a mid sized midwestern city. It was a great job during the worst winter weather. Everything was paid straight commission, so the more runs you made, the better the money.

We appreciated the business and I especially liked the attitude of one regular who told me that he could buy a lot of cab fares for the price of one DWI ticket.

It was an interesting business. A lot of college kids (like me) or farmers took up driving cab when the weather turned rotten. Most of us left as soon as it started turning nice in March or April as there just wasn't enough support all the drivers.

[azsportsterman]

So that’s where my cab went. Don’t worry though, I got the car under similar circumstance.

[Vigilanteman]

Pls disregard my post #36. I got the joke.

We had one cabbie which actually liked his liquid nutrition. A couple of customer complaints and he was gone.

[South Dakota]

. I love to drink while driving It was legal at one time to do so. I drive out of No dak into So dak and i always drive rhe speed limit and I know where the HPs hide. With my CDL i am subject to a .04 standard so I only drink one beer an hour and it takes me an hour to drink ir

[layman]

The same thing happened to me, except I took a bus. It pretty much demolished my garage.

[RegulatorCountry]

There was a time in my life when I hit the bars every night. For several years I went on like this. Lots of friends there, it was amusing, I was very successful, money was no concern and I was single. I thought nothing of getting behind the wheel with a pretty strong buzz, but I'd always at least roll through a late-night drive through for some food, which helped.

I was a fool, a lucky fool or God was watching over me, because nothing ever happened. No accidents, no DWI. Even went through several sobriety check roadblocks with no problems. I must not look or smell drunk or something, because I was. They can be sort of scary here, with the ominous, ambulance-like black mobile courtrooms, people call them the Batmobile. Convicted right then and there.

The one night friends were convinced I was too trashed to drive home, they called a “cab” for me, an expensive proposition since I live well north of town near the lakes, over twenty miles. It wasn't a legal cab, it was an older Lincoln Towncar, the driver was a black man, nice fellow, just making a little cash on the side. Diabetic though, as I later learned. Speaking of drive throughs, he wanted to go through the Krispy Kreme drive through on the way home, he was hungry he said. I wasn't paying so fine, I said. He bought a twelve pack and ate them all in short order.

Even before we got out of the city he began weaving. Too much sugar I guess, his speech became slurred. He smacked the curb with the wheels several times. I was starting to get scared, actually. We finally got pulled over right at the city limits. He didn't do too well on the field sobriety test. Never had seen one up close like that, then out came the breathalyzer. Passed that, obviously, he wasn't drunk. The officer let him go on with a warning because he was a disabled vet, I heard the conversation.

He did get me home, to make a long story short. Wanted to sleep in his car in my driveway. i invited him in, it was cold. He said no, he did it all the time, he'd be OK. I'd need a ride back to pick up my car anyway, he'd do it for the same fare, he said. So he slept in the car.

I got up, a little groggy, sure enough there he sat. Got showered and dressed, went out, knocked on the driver side window, he woke up, let me in and we went back into town to pick up my car. Uneventful trip this time, but I was still worried, lol.

[patriot08]

Very funny! Thanks for the laugh this morning!

[South Dakota]

. I love to drink while driving It was legal at one time to do so. I drive out of No dak into So dak and i always drive rhe speed limit and I know where the HPs hide. With my CDL i am subject to a .04 standard so I only drink one beer an hour and it takes me an hour to drink it

[Caipirabob]

*chuckle*

[MD Expat in PA]

Several months ago I was driving to work one morning at about 7:00 AM. I was traveling on a road up a very big steep hill where the road widens to two lanes for to accommodate for large, heavy slow moving trucks.

I was in the left fast lane, passing a large slow moving dump truck in the right lane when I came up on a pickup truck in the left lane moving at about 10 MPH. I don’t usually pass a vehicle on the right side but I signaled and tried to pass the slow moving pickup truck. Then suddenly the pickup truck swerved into my lane, almost hitting me. Then the driver of the truck slammed on their brakes in front of me, causing me to go onto the shoulder. Then the pickup truck came to an almost complete stop and then suddenly accelerated and swerved back into the left lane and then across the double yellow line and into oncoming traffic forcing several cars off the road and almost into the steep embankment and then the pickup truck swerved back across the road again and into my lane very, nearly hitting me a second time, slowed down again and then speeded up, this happened several more times and the vehicle kept swerving back and forth across the road, speeding up and slowing down.

I managed to get a plate number and called 9-11 on my cell phone to report it and then managed to get past this driver as I wanted to get as far away from him or her as possible. As I passed, I saw a young woman hunching over the steering wheel of this large and late model pickup truck, laughing and either singing or talking to herself, waving her hands in the air, obviously drunk or stoned and completely out of her mind.

Oh, it was just so funny! I laughed myself silly for the rest of my drive to work. I also laughed when I got to work and realized I had to change my underpants. Drunk drivers are just so funny – not!