Posted on 12/15/2012 8:02:00 PM PST by Nachum
In the wake of another horrific national tragedy, it’s easy to talk about guns. But it’s time to talk about mental illness.
Three days before 20 year-old Adam Lanza killed his mother, then opened fire on a classroom full of Connecticut kindergartners, my 13-year old son Michael (name changed) missed his bus because he was wearing the wrong color pants.
“I can wear these pants,” he said, his tone increasingly belligerent, the black-hole pupils of his eyes swallowing the blue irises.
“They are navy blue,” I told him. “Your school’s dress code says black or khaki pants only.”
“They told me I could wear these,” he insisted. “You’re a stupid bitch. I can wear whatever pants I want to. This is America. I have rights!”
“You can’t wear whatever pants you want to,” I said, my tone affable, reasonable. “And you definitely cannot call me a stupid bitch. You’re grounded from electronics for the rest of the day. Now get in the car, and I will take you to school.”
I live with a son who is mentally ill. I love my son. But he terrifies me.
A few weeks ago, Michael pulled a knife and threatened to kill me and then himself after I asked him to return his overdue library books. His 7 and 9 year old siblings knew the safety plan—they ran to the car and locked the doors before I even asked them to. I managed to get the knife from Michael, then methodically collected all the sharp objects in the house into a single Tupperware container that now travels with me. Through it all, he continued to scream insults at me and threaten to kill or hurt me.
(Excerpt) Read more at anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.com ...
As an aside, from a blog with a cartoon graphic of a mother who wears a red shirt with “I ‘heart’ Che”, holding an infant in one arm and a soccer ball in the other, I’m not sure what to say.
Get a good home security system, buy a big German Shepherd, and learn how to shoot a gun. :(
“Getting someone committed is very hard in our current system. And they’ll only keep the patient for a short time, till the drugs kick in. Then they’ll release him, because that’s the law.”
Not if they are minors. You can commit a minor.
If you are saying that the proper solution to her situation is to lament the “stigmatization” of her child, then I absolutely disagree with you, just as I disagree with her.
Do you think I am untouched by the difficulty she has faced, and that apparently you have too? I was around and following the stories when the great move to “mainstream” the mentally ill was taking place...I’d had some experience (not as a patient, thankfully) in some of the subpar institutions that warehoused the mentally disabled and mentally ill, and while I rather airily hoped that the changes would bring about good results, I didn’t quite see how it was going to work.
I am not minimizing her terrible situation. Maybe her perspective and her reasoning fell apart in the face of the monumental difficulties you are pointing to.
I am just saying that it is NOT the stigmatizing of the mentally ill that is the problem for her or her child, any more than the stigmatization of paper food stamps was the problem 10 and more years ago for those who received them. (Removing the stigma of food stamps didn’t end the problem of indigence, just as removing diagnoses and intervention didn’t cure mental illness.)
I can’t tell you how to ‘fix’ the problem. You have deep and haunting (if I read you correctly) personal experience with the situation. I would ask you to tell us.
Do you understand my frustration with her column? It was not that she was torn by her love and her pain, not that she wanted counseling and practical help with her plight, not that it seemed to her, as to you, that there are no answers...it was that she seemed to want help with this once-beloved but monstrous presence in her life, yet she demanded that none of us notice or label the monster.
It seems to me that the pre-emptive option you mention (and which seems the only hope to me) would involve the very labelling and stimatization that this poor mother dreads.
Sir, truly, I offer you and her my best wishes, and my prayers.
The kid reminds me of “The Bad Seed” and “The Good Son.”
I don’t know why you are focused on the word “stigma,” because she only used it once, and correctly, in the column. And I don’t think it was a “whine,” but rather an apt descriptive term.
I believe her valid point is that there needs to be a very hard and frank discussion about how to treat the mentally ill, both for their benefit and for our protection.
I have seen severe mental illness up close, in two family members, through numerous commitments, both voluntary and involuntary. One was assuredly dangerous, the other probably not.
Society, both current and throughout history, treats mental sickness differently than other illness, although drug treatment in many cases is highly effective.
Mental illness IS stigmatized. No one wants to admit they have it, the afflicted refuse to acknowledge they need help, and we’d all just like to hide it away.
Over and over we see psychopaths commit mass murders, and then an outcry blaming the family or firearms or both.
The simple truth that we won’t admit is that these deranged people are beyond the control of their families, that our mental health systems and laws offer scant support or help, that there is no good way to prevent them from perpetrating mayhem, and that if every gun in the country was destroyed they’d just find another way.
McVeigh, who was apparently sane but evil, used a truck and fertilizer. How long till some nutcase walks into a school with a can of gasoline and a lighter?
We must, for our own protection, reform our mental health system to get these people off the streets, but it’s a hard conversation.
Kudos to this mom for starting it.
I appreciate your carrying on the conversation with me, Jedidah.
My nerves were raw for a couple reasons when I read the blogger’s piece, and one was the immediate demonization by the media of gun owners like me, an effort that is obviously ongoing.
You might say I don’t like being stigmatized either.
The reason I focused on her use of the word is that she brought it into play at the end of the piece, the conclusion, the last word on the matter.
It really bugs me that the “sensitivities” involved are supposed to be our focus here—I don’t know if you noticed but just yesterday the Presidential spokesman lambasted Republicans for resisting tax increases that would go to help “middle-class families with disabled children.”
It seems to me that the slaughter and the innocent victims ought to be our main concern here, not the tender feelings involved in how we describe or treat or even punish the perpetrators. Those factors are important but they are far from paramount.
I agreed with you previously that identification, diagnoses and treatment—doesn’t that possibly include institutionalization?—are the first priorities here.
But even at this point it seems that if the conversation is joined by by anyone but you and other families immediately involved, then we are guilty of “stigmatizing.”
How are we supposed to behave, Jedidah? If we don’t talk to you about it, we are turning away and hiding. If we do bring it up, we intrude on your painful realities.
The discussion is very difficult for those on the outside too.
As I said my prayers are with you.
Thanks for the gracious post.
Please, we MUST talk about mental illness. That is the common denominator in almost all these mass murders — young men with mental problems and families that are powerless to force them into treatment or keep them from violence. These families are victims, too.
This very hard issue has to be addressed. We must change laws to give friends and families tools to intervene. A perp over 18 is protected by privacy laws that build a protective wall around them, but endanger us all.
Nancy Lanza was apparently trying to break down that wall and get legal authority to force her son into treatment when he found out and killed her.
The stigma attached to mental illness will go away when people realize that most cases truly have roots in physical malfunction. When body chemistry goes awry, it often affects the thinking process in bad ways. We now have effective drug treatment. We must talk about this and FORCE those with these ailments into either supervised treatment or incarceration. It CAN be done and still preserve our rights.
Adam Lanza was, according to the latest reports, untreated. No meds. How very sad for us all. I’ve seen, firsthand and repeatedly over years, how effective pharmacological treatment is for mental illness.
Guns are merely an easy method of murder, not the most effective. Take them away, and perps will use dynamite (google “Bath school massacre”), or trucks loaded with fertilizer, or a can of gasoline and matches. Mass murder has many methods.
Why don’t we discuss banning cars to counter drunk driving, a major killer of Americans every year?
As I write, I’m watching Barry0 hand the problem to Silly Joe. We truly are doomed.
Through your persistance you and I ended up having a conversation and, for the most part, agreeing.
And for the whole part feeling better and (I, for certain) knowing more than when we began.
Thanks for that and good luck. Stay in touch if you wish...
FW
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