If You Have Had An Affair With Herman Cain, Announce It Here

Vanity | 11/30/11 | Self

[BagCamAddict]

I had an affair with Herman Cain.

Mine went on for 15 years, so does that make me the First Wife? Is this Big Love?

But I don't have anything to prove it.

You'll just have to take my word for it.

I'm an upstanding citizen too. But I won't come forward unless there can be a press conference with at least four of us.

[MountainDad]

I didn’t, but I saw my dog humping his leg back in the ‘80’s.

[Jeff Winston]

Well, I’LL confess.

I’m secretly female, and had a 6-1/2 year affair with Herman Cain.

I don’t want any money or anything, just to clear my conscience, which is really painful. I would probably feel better about it if I could just talk to the right media person. Because it would make me feel cleaner to just get it all out in the open. Freepmail me privately for my contact info.

Cain’s the fat guy from New Jersey, right?

[ChinaGotTheGoodsOnClinton]

I had a gay affair with Herman. People say he is not around here that much, but I am around the corner from a GodFather’s Pizza.

When will the CNN camera’s be here?

</Sarcasm>

[Lancey Howard]

"Barry once introduced me to his friend, Hermie, and we had a really fun threesome. Hermie wouldn't touch the coke, though."

[Darkwolf377]

I had an affair while watching CITIZEN KANE. Maybe if the movie went on longer than two hours we would have stayed together. :(

I blame Bush.

[MtnClimber]

Where is my wellfare check? And where are the wellfare checks for my 3 dogs?

[dforest]

Humor has a way of fixing most things. Times have changed over the years.

It may not get Herman the nomination, but it does help deal with the irritation of the unproven claims by less than credible accusers who are getting paid to get Obama re-elected.

[Iowa Granny]

I did not have sex with that man, Herman Cain!

[Dallas59]

In my heathen days...I watched...does that count?

[decimon]

With Carmen Hain. Is that close enough?

[digger48]

I blame Bush.

Bush was Rosebud.

[EQAndyBuzz]

Sold him a dime bag when he was going through chemo. Tossed in one of my finest hoes.

Came back three weeks later and fed my entire stable pepperoni pizzas.

I love that man.

[Darkwolf377]

Rosebud was a pizza from Godfather’s.

[mdittmar]

I met you once,we were having Pizza,I’ll never forget it.

[taxcutisapayraise]

I am Skankulus ... err, uhhh, I mean Spartacus!

[rdcbn]

Hah, I had TWO Affairs with Herman at the same time!

(at least that is what the voices in my head tell me...)

---

Every single one of my 13 multiple personalities has had an affair with Herman Cain - top that one, fruit cake

[redinIllinois]

Me too!!!

Every time he talks about taxes, and numbers, and statistics, it’s like accountant porn....

[I Drive Too Fast]

He is a sick man I tell you. He once tried to put his pepperoni on my pizza. Oh the hugh manatee.

[Heart-Rest]

My former girlfriend Rosie had 999 of them with him, over the past year.

Here's the proof - Herman singing his new campaign theme song about Rosie and the rest of them:

Herman Singing His New Campaign Theme Song

[fightinJAG]

Sure. And I have twenty years of phone records, texts and photos of smoke signals when we went camping.

But I can't show them to you because they are in the vault with the secret "affidavits" waved around by Gloria (Allred, you know) and, anyway, I cannot comment further because I'm trying to be at least a little sensitive. (I kid you not, Ginger said that).

But it's all good, 'cuz you can go on teevee, even Fox, without any proof at all and make your allegations and then say you're not going to talk anymore because "this really isn't fun."