Posted on 08/27/2011 9:04:25 AM PDT by Kaslin
Texas is the place you can see farther, and less, than anyplace in the USA.........
*Awaiting your graces reactions*
Just imagine what Bill Clinton could do with that last one.
"I did not have sexual relations with that Chick."
"It depends on what the meaning of the word "pluck" is."
Cheers!
You sir, have an alligator mouth and a tadpole brain.
hehe!!!!
By the way, did you hear why they installed Astroturf at the Texas A&M football field?
...to keep the cheerleaders from grazing at halftime!
What's the difference between an Iowa State co-ed and the garbage?
...the garbage gets taken out twice a week!
Did you hear that scientists at the University of South Dakota have developed a new parachute?
...it opens on impact!
Did you hear they're moving the North Dakota State Fair this year?
...it's being held under the tree, in the building!
What do you call a Texan who graduated from college with a perfect 2.0 average?
..."Governor."
Cheers!
Cheers!
Do you know why it’s so windy in North Dakota?
It’s because Montana blows and Minnesota sucks! :-p
Great Iowa and Dakota jokes!
I wish your Texas joke wasn't so true.......What do you call the state whose governor got a D in economics? Texas.
'Cuz New Jersey sucks.
In Minnesota, we have such an inferiority complex, that during the '91 world series, I saw a poster in the Metrodome (back the it was the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome; now it's Mall of America field); it had a logo of a snow-covered apple with the legend "We prefer the MinneApple" (New York is the *Big* Apple, get it?")
But we still make jokes about ourselves: Swedes, Norwegians, etc. The stock characters are the Scandinavian couple, Ole and Lena.
Ole and Lena was at the kitchen table for the usual morning cup of coffee and listening to a weather report coming from the radio.
"There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. All vehicles should be parked on the odd-numbered side of the streets today to facilitate snowplows," the radio voice declared.
"Oh, gosh, OK," said Ole, getting up, bundling up and heading outside to dutifully put his car on the odd-numbered side of the street.
Two days later, Ole and Lena were at morning coffee when the radio voice said:
"There will be 2 to 4 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your vehicles on the even-numbered side of the streets."
Ole got up from his coffee as before. He bundled up, shuffled off, and put his car on the even-numbered side of the street.
A few days later, the couple was at the table when the radio voice declared:
"There will be 6 to 8 inches of snow today and a snow emergency has been declared. You must park your cars on the ..." Just then, the power went out.
"Park it where?" Ole asked in the dark, "What should I do?"
"Aw, to heck with them, Ole," Lena said, "Don't worry about it today. Just leave the car in the garage."
The best in Minnesota Humor:
Puke and Snot at the Renaissance Festival 2004 (RIP Snot)
Cheers!
LOL, I’m a ND Norwegian. Ole, Sven and Lena jokes are plentiful around here.
"You can always tell a Norwegian, but you can't tell him much."
(I'm told that only Dakotans and Minnesotans can comprehend the dialgoue in Fargo without closed-captioning.)
Cheers!
Whoever said that probably never lived in Texas. Living in Texas actually improves your ability to see fine details and slight differences in things. If you're here long enough, no two places will look alike to you.
Being a native Californian, the landscape looked kinda bleak and featureless to me, when I first got here. But as I tuned in, and began watching the seasons change, I also began to realize that I could also see subtle (but noticeable) differences in nearly every patch of ground I looked at.
I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder.
It isn't a joke...not funny...it's true and you obviously have never driven in West Texas or you would understand.
Ever heard, "The sun is riz, the sun has set, and here I is in TX yet!"
I live closer to Chicago than to El Paso.
I am proud and lucky to be a TEXAN!!!
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