DUmmie FUnnies 07-17-11 ("I'm very close to breaking up with my man because of Republicans")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | July 17, 2011 | DUmmie Sarah Ibarruri, DUmmies, and Charles Henrickson

[Charles Henrickson]

Politics makes for strange bedfellows. And politics can also make for *estranged* bedfellows, when the fellow is a Rethuglican and you're a DUmmie. Such is the case for DUmmie Sarah Ibarruri, who is thisclose to breaking up with her boyfriend, the right-winger. By her own account, Sarah's beau is a nice guy, and he treats her just fine, but he IS a Rethug, and that is driving DUmmie Sarah NUts! So instead of Dear Abby, Sarah resorts to Dear DUmmie for advice, as we see in this THREAD, "I'm very close to breaking up with my man because of Republicans."

So let us now join DUmmie Sarah Ibarruri for this edition of "Dear DUmmie," in Roses Are Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, thinking maybe Sarah should contact Mary Matalin for advice on politically mixed marriages (and to get a book deal for PJ), is in the [brackets]:

I'm very close to breaking up with my man because of Republicans

[WHAT are they doing NOW, those d*mn Rethugs?! Interfering with a poor woman's romance! D*MN them!]

The man I've been seeing is a right winger.

[Oh wait! Your fella IS a Rethug! Now I get you! But, but . . . how?? How in the WORLD could you possibly be going out with a Rethuglican?? ICK!]

Yeah, I know. I almost wear a sign on me that says, "If you're a right winger, get the F*** away,"

[DUmmie Sarah ALMOST wears a sign that says that. Instead, she opted for a tattoo. Big bold letters, across her cleavage.]

and yet here I am, dating a right winger. He's not as right wing as some of these a**holes, like Boehner, or Cantor, but he's right wing nonetheless.

[So I take it he's a right winger.]

He doesn't argue with me, and I rave and froth at the mouth with hatred for the GOPigs, but he's patient and caring.

[So maybe the question ought to be, How can HE be going out with YOU? You must have some impressive . . . attributes.]

But I'm reaching the end of my patience. I simply CANNOT, CANNOT endure being with someone who even remotely agrees with these sh*theads who have taken our country down a path to second world nation for the past 31 years. I am growing more and more angry with my guy, and I've nearly gotten to the point at which I'm ready to call it quits.

[He's patient and caring, and he treats me nice, but HE DOESN'T WANT TO RAISE TAXES ON THE RICH! THAT'S IT! WE. ARE. OVER!!!]

Right now I'm livid and cannot talk to him. He makes me sick.

[I believe the beloved be livid! Now let's see if the DUmmies have any advice for the lividlorn . . .]

I'm available.

[DUmmie zappaman is first in line! He senses a new prog babe coming on the market.]

Never seen a Fox News show in my life. And never hated a politician like I hated GWB and puppetmaster Cheney...

[Welcome to dHarmony®! Boys, start listing your qualifications. (Maybe some of you gals, too. This is DUmmieland, after all.)]

I agree on GW Bush and Cheney. How does Cheney remain alive? Is he bionic? His heart must look like a frikkin' oil rag, it's been so sewn up, taken apart, then sewn up again. Freaks, both of them.

[The mention of mutual hates gets Sarah in a romantic mood. She and zappaman start flirting . . .]

Cheney is either inhuman or can afford the kind of health care most of us just fantasize about. I can't wait to dance on his grave and if that makes me a bad person, so be it.

[Oooh, you big bad liberal man! Talk like that turns me on!]

He doesn't deserve to breathe.

[Sarah is now in the "foreplay" stage.]

Cheney is Undead. His Kind Cannot Die.

[DUmmie AndyTiedye butts in, trying to sound even more anti-rethug than zappaman. This is like two rams fighting over a cute girl sheep.]

Maybe he's walking around some cemetery at night.

[Sarah now flirts with Andy.]

Dump the MoFo.

[DUmmie cherokeeprogressive advises Sarah to DUmp the Mooselini Follower!]

Oh believe me, I'm about this ready to! I told him yesterday that I think he's concealing his true nature and pretending to be nice, when in actuality he's a first-class a**hole because, how could anyone be such a d**k as to wish ill on the least able, and think redistribution of wealth towards the top is just the coolest thing. He can't understand why I'm so F angry at him. Is he NUTS, or just pretending he doesn't get this? He thinks because he's nice to me, it's all fine. It isn't.

[Get a prog boy! He may treat you like sh*t, he may mooch off your money, and he may be lacking in male secondary sexual characteristics, but at least he'll vote right! Left, I mean!]

I just can't get over it. He's nice to me, and holds views that make me sick.

[I think you just can't help being attracted to a real manly man, Sarah, and it's driving you CRAZY! Your head says one thing, but your heart and hormones say another!]

I once read that Adolph Hitler was absolutely wonderful to Eva Braun and to his dogs, but that doesn't mean Adolph Hitler didn't have evil views and heinous intentions about the rest of the world. I told my boyfriend that. He didn't find it amusing.

[I can't imagine why.]

I dated a man once who was nice to me, but kind of dickish or very dickish to some other people, though never when in my presence. . . . But dickishness will out. Eventually a dick will be a dick to you, too.

[You dated Dick Cheney?? And lived to tell about it??]

On the other hand, I have many relatives who are geneuinely wonderful people in almost every way--except that they are real Republicans. They . . . have always been very religious--and very Republican.

[EWWW!!! DOUBLE ICK!]

I dated a woman who is now a republican. I don't get it. Black, disabled, homeless, lesbian, and republican.

[A Caucus of One.]

He sounds like a nice guy. If you're ranting and raving at him, give him a break and get rid of him. It doesn't sound like he deserves to be ranted and raved at.

[DUmmie Yupster, YOU get the Kewpie Doll!]

These days when someone says they are a republican I look at them like they have 3 heads.

[Three heads are better than one.]

It's now literally making me nauseous to think of my guy's opinions.

[That's why they call us Repukes!]

Move on and let the guy live a nag free life....

[Sorry, only one Kewpie Doll per thread.]

I lasted 9 months with a RW...Deal breaker was..."umm, There's a question about Obama's Birth Certificate"...after that I kicked him to the curb...

[No marriage certificate for you!]

Oh my GOD. See? The minute I hear my guy say stupid sh*t like that, I swear to you, I feel like kicking him to the curb. I automatically ask him things like, "You can't be this stupid, can you?" Then he gets hurt.

[Sarah, this guy of yours must have the patience of Job! Or else your assets must be VERY impressive!]

I've had many first date, last dates over this exact issue. I make sure the topic of politics comes up right away so I can find out where they stand on issues.

["Hi, I'm DUmmie Annette. Where do you stand on the debt ceiling?"]

I really wish and hope that I will one day meet a good and decent democratic gentleman. Maybe if I could get out of Tennessee. . . .

[Not so fast! I know of a certain recently-single-again PROMINENT Tennessee Democrat! BTW, what size is your carbon footprint?]

My friend, think long and hard.

[Annette, I think that is precisely what Sarah wants!]

Yes, but where are these lib guys? That's the reason I ended up with a Republican...I couldn't meet any lib guys. Of course, I live in Florida.

[Sarah punched Al Gore and ended up with Pat Buchanan!]

(sigh) We need a LIB dating website big time!

[$kimmer, DUAC Earl, are you listening? There's a niche, now fill it!]

not a lib site per se but one that pitched itself as matching progressives with each other. . . . I gave a high weight to geographic proximity (I don't have a car), but some of my suggested matches were hundreds of miles away.

[No, friends, this was NOT the famous carless and dateless DUmmie stevenumbers who wrote this post, but ANOTHER DUmmie looser without wheels, DUmmie Jim "Life in the Fast" Lane. . . . Now back to DUmmie Sarah talking about her guy . . .]

I actually told him once that his I.Q. must be very low if he talks as if he were an idiot. Aside from this situation, he's very good to me, he's cute, generous, kind, loves my family, is interesting, loves to travel, lots of things.

[But ALL THAT is overshadowed by his belief that it's wrong for the government to take people's wealth away from them and give it to others! What a MONSTER!]

Repigs have taken the U.S. from 1st world to 2nd world nation status. And I will not forgive them, and more importantly, I see them as needing to shut the f*** up, beg forgiveness and just die. How can I possibly remain with someone who thinks this way, when all I'm feeling about his way of thinking, is hatred? I'm incredibly frustrated and confused.

[That's it, Sarah, tell your boyfriend to shut the f*** up and JUST DIE! Look, having Mr. Right Wingo as your boyfriend at least gives you someone to vent on! You can make this work, honey!]

he looks good, is nice, very romantic, very funny, very nice, and he says he loves me.

[And you get someone to rage and rant at in the bargain! What's not to like?]

I'm actually surprised he hasn't kicked HER to the curb.

[And THERE is the great mystery of this thread!]

He's very nice to me, and very handsome, and very intelligent. He's a complete idiot with regard to his outlook on life and I make him suffer for it every day.

[A match made in purgatory!]

How's the sex, though?

[Finally we get to it. . . .]

[GOPsterinMA]

Fred Flinstone incarnate (apologies to Fred).

[Arthur Wildfire! March]

It’s the strangest thing. From Bill’s viperous lips to Gore’s Seventh Chakra. A man who voted for Al Gore was once furious with the supreme Court for blocking the illegal “pregnant chad” votes. Now he’s glad they did. And then there’s Gary Hart. Last but not least — John Edwards. That’s just presidents/and prez candidates. When we get to congress ...

[Quix]

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[The KG9 Kid]

Here's what's really going on:

There is no 'Republican boyfriend'. He's imaginary. It's all her fantasy. She's invented this whole story just to try to elicit responses from the males on DU so she can chat up those who respond to her and see what they're like.

Or, we can take her at face value and believe that she's heretofore only been married to a conga line of Democrats who think just like her that she's been divorced from, many times.

Her imaginary Republican boyfriend who treats her well is her invention: The opposite of every man she's had in her life. This is actually her cry for help.

Remember, liberals are nuts. Just like good cops can think like a criminal, it takes a Republican who can reason like a loon to understand a Democrat.