Posted on 10/19/2010 11:18:07 AM PDT by PJ-Comix
It is now exactly two weeks until Election Day. The DUmmies are obviously feeling a lot of tension. The big question for them is "Do I have what it takes to be featured in the DUmmie FUnnies?" Yes, there is certain to be a lot of competition to make it into the DUFUs so I understand their worries. Even though I expect MANY DUFU editions on Election Day and in the days that follow, there will also be many juicy DUmmie threads full of comedy nuggets to choose from. Since I have a certain fondness for the critters in my DUmmie Ant Farm so I am here to give them helpful tips on how to successfully audition for a spot in the DUmmie FUnnies so here goes in no particular order:
1. Drama Queen Antics: The more the Drama Queen melodrama you project, the better your chances of making it into the DUFU selection process. Let the 2004 stand up and melodramatically announce your names to the world stand out as a great example of what you can achieve in the Drama Queen category.
2. Cry voter machine fraud: Yes, even though this charge seemed to have faded away in 2006 and 2008 when the Democrats won big, it is sure to be resurrected if the Republicans gain ground. Since there will be many such charges, please be very creative in how you cry fowl.
3. Attack Obama: Yes, I know you have been holding in your disgust with The One for fear of being Tombstoned by Skinner but I have a feeling the dam will break on election night. The upside is that so many DUmmies will be attacking how Obama is destroying the Democrats that the numbers will simply overwhelm Skinner unless he wants to ban 90% of DUmmieland.
4. Retreat to Mysticism: Demoralized DUmmies retreating to mysticism for comfort is a great way to make the DUFU cut. I am really fond of alternate universes in which America decides to go socialist. Finding solace in the wisdom of the Hopi Elders is another great way to make it into the DUFUs. Oh, and finding hope in astrology is also quite entertaining especially if the moon enters Uranus.
5. William Rivers Pitt gives his two bits: Pied Piper Pitt playing pundit is always great for laughs. How well I remember his many promises of an election reversal in 2004 because of unknown legal papers filed in obscure Ohio courtrooms. That was Pitt playing his classic "insider in the know" game.
6. Blame Karl Rove: Rovian conspiracy theories about fixing the election always goes to the top of any DUFU audition list.
7. Stop the World, I Wanna Get Off: This final tip is probably the easiest way to get inducted in the DUFUs. Just declare that you completely give up on this country in particular and life in general. Screech about planning to leave this country or even taking the Heaven's Gate solution.
I hope you DUmmies have found these tips helpful. Study them carefully and you will definitely have an edge on your fellow DUmmies. Good luck on making it into the DUFUs on Election Day and/or in the days that follow!
It will have to be some obscure group, like in Ship of Fools:
Rieber: You must admit that the Jews are a great part of the German problem.
Lowenthal: True, but not only the Jews, also men who smoke the pipe are a great part of the German problem.
Rieber: Why men who smoke the pipe?
Lowenthal: Why the Jews?
>>Let the 2004 stand up and melodramatically announce your names to the world stand out as a great example of what you can achieve in the Drama Queen category<<
Ahh, the memories. That was the previous Golden DUFU era.
Now, we are about embark on DUFU Golden Era II :)
Yes, PJ, you have accurately listed Seven Habits of Highly Entertaining DUmmies. Do these things, DUmmies, and you have a GOOD chance of making the DUFUs. The more outrageous, the more emotional, the better!
Who knows, stars have been born by making their mark here on DUmmie FUnnies! PJ and I are merely the Simon Cowell of this "American Idiot" showcase.
I will try to DU my DU diligence.
There is some technology that might help:
Or 
These, in particular, are good additions to the list. I discern that you know the mind of the DUmmie.
A classic. Perhaps one of the two or three greatest photos in DUFU history (Midnight Cowboy Pitt would be right up there too).
I don't always take time off from my work. But when I do, I prefer to DUFU.
Stay FUnnie, my DUmmies.
Another good way to make to the DUmmie FUnnies is to make up a story where you confront an evil republican in a public place and emerge as the the moral hero. It can be something as simple as merely flipping off a guy driving an SUV- doesn’t matter, as long as you are “speaking truth to power” and you are the hero. Usually at the end of your story people ( LIFELONG REPUBLICANS!) will walk up to you to shake your hand and tell you that they will never vote republican again.
Thanks Charles. I wonder if that gal (?) has ever seen the DUmmie FUnnies and realizes how stupid the picture looks?
Remember, sir, we need some song lyrics.
These aren't "show tunes," but they might be of interest: Happy Days Are Here Again, which the Dems used in 1932, and The World Turned Upside Down, which the redcoats' band played October 19, 1781, when Lord Cornwallis surrendered at Yorktown.
I dunno what the tunes sound like--for obvious reasons--but maybe the lyrics could be amended to resemble the plight of the primitives.
“if YOU want to cruise over the DUmmieland and enjoy the freudenschade on election night,”
Regretfully I don’t have computer access at home, so I will miss the DUFU’s on election night. On a good note, I have already planned a vacation day for the 3rd, so I can stay up late celebrating!
“going to DVR both MSNBC and CNN for the entire election evening.”
That’s a great idea! Thank you for the suggestion.
Bonus points for insisting that you personally witnessed the machine "flipping" your vote.
Speaking of song tune parodies, I was thinking of “Take This Thread and Shove It” (Remember Pitt’s promise) to the tune of “Take This Job and Shove It” by Johnny Paycheck.
Are you kidding? It's called GOLD!
(In before my age.)
Or after.
can I donate a dollar?
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