Posted on 06/14/2010 1:48:57 PM PDT by savedbygrace
A few days ago, my wife suddenly, without forewarning that I ever detected, told me she is leaving me. The details are not important, only that I recognize it was mostly my fault.
Our grown daughter is leaving home about the same time. Within three weeks, I will be alone, with only my Golden Retriever as a companion. I'm calling on God, and he is answering, but in this physical world, it's only my Golden.
Heartbroken, deeply wounded, ashamed. That's me.
I'm hoping to receive words of advice and counsel. I'm a born again, spirit filled Christian, so I'll respond more readily to Christian-based advice and counsel, but I'm ready to accept whatever you have for me. I'm needy.
Yep. It's something men of all ages need to learn. The moment a woman expresses any desire at all to be apart from you, you need to take over and slam the door for her. Don't degrade yourself begging her to reconsider. She never really will. Don't drag things out. Immediately grant her her wish and never look back. The sooner you begin the process of separation and adjusting to life without her, the sooner life will feel good again, and the sooner you can begin work on finding somebody to make you forget all about her.
After reading your post the other day, I did some more thinking. I distilled part of it to: I ruined our marriage, but she ended it.
You’ve helped me a lot. Thanks.
Thank you for the advice.
Thank you, Deb. I need your prayer and look forward to the FReepMail.
Yes sir, I do. I need the encouragement and prayer.
Thank you for your prayers. I need that.
I recognize my deeply seated fault in this and I’ve started the hard work of cooperating with God as he fixes me.
You need to immediately change that posture. You need to show her no affection whatsoever, only common courtesy. You need to take her at her word and not allow yourself to indulge in fantasies about her coming back. When she goes you need to make sure she takes all of her stuff with so you can begin remodeling for your bachelor pad. If she leaves anything behind, you need to leave it on her new doorstep in the rain. You need to get the best attorney you can and push aggressively for an early disillusion date. After a reasonable amount of time (one year max) you need to actively seek women to date.
The ironic thing, doing all of the above is the only chance you have to save the relationship. And if it doesn't (and it probably won't), it's what you need to get on with enjoying the rest of your life.
I know all this is counter intuitive and you won't follow a word of this advice, but five years from now, you will wish you had.
That is the most wonderful poem I could read at this moment. I assume you’re the author, true?
Forgiving myself is the hardest of those, and the only one that remains. Thank you.
LOL. Thanks.
I will search for that. Thank you.
I’m just beginning to understand that. Thank you.
Work everyday on keeping a sense of humor...it’s important to find at least 1 thing to laugh at everyday...that’s just one easy bit of advice i can give you...just hang in there..time TRULY heals all...that is fact...not just a simple phrase thrown around.
Amen. Thank you.
Thank you.
I will certainly consider all that. Thank you.
Thank you. I have been able to laugh a little bit in the past day or so.
“Golden Retriever as a companion”
That dog can love you and keep you company better than most women. Mine is so co-dependent that he constantly just wants to rest his head on me and be petted.
I wish I had one like that. Mine just stands in front of me, stares, and pants hard. (He’s trying to convince me he absolutely MUST go outdoors and poop.)
Silly dog.
Mine does that, too. In fact, he’s sitting right here panting. Bad breath. Yuck.
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