We told our kids, when the oldest was in 9th grade that they'd better start studying hard, because they were either going to have to get scholarships, or loans, to pay for college. We'd sent them to Catholic school from grade 1, and were anticipating four years of high school as well, which was a considerable 'investment' in their futures. We explained that since college was THEIR investment in their own futures, we expected them to largely foot the bill. We'd see what happened to too many friends whose parents had paid the their tuition to Ivy League or other private colleges, and the kids didn't take their education seriously. This left the parents in huge debt, and the kids still not particularly well educated. We'd either gotten loans or scholarships for our college educations, so we didn't waste time or effort. We told our kids that we wanted some money to retire on, and not be living in poverty while doing so, so we weren't going into debt for THEIR college educations.
They all understood, but also understood that if they truly needed some extra money from time to time, we'd help them out. They worked summers, and sometimes had part-time jobs during the school year, though we didn't encourage that because we wanted them to concentrate on their studies. They've all turned out to be thrifty people, and have even told us they were glad that we didn't hound them about their grades, and scholarships all through school. We reminded them once or twice, and that was it. They took it from there.
“So you think your husband’s parents were loony, and wacky, because they insisted that their son learn to be financially independent? LOL!”
Nope. I think it’s looney to expect a 14 yr old to be financially independent.
Nope. I think they were looney because they had no idea what their kids were doing because they spent so much time in their Church rather than raising their kids. They didn’t have a clue that their daughter was a drug addict. They had no idea that their two sons were rebelling against everything they were taught. Their kids also thought they were looney since none of them have any relationship with them and all moved out of their lives once they graduated high school. They weren’t a family. They were 5 strangers living in the same house (according to my husband and his siblings).
When my husband went to my parents (his girlfriend’s parents) for basics (food, a loan, cosigning a personal loan) while still in college, yep I think his parents were nuts. When none of their grandchildren mourned their paternal grandmother’s death, because they didn’t know her, and none of the grandchildren know their paternal grandfather, when my husband and siblings learned of their father’s remarriage via email a few months after the fact, yep I don’t call that a family. I call that looney.
When my sister-in-law was 18 and pregnant, and her evangelical parents suggested abortion, and told her if she had the baby she couldn’t live at home (it wouldn’t look right), gave her no support whatsoever, yep, I call that nuts. She lived in a home for unwed mothers, gave her daughter up for adoption (and the kid found her a few years ago) and had no support, emotional or financial from her “parents” and the sons learned just what their “family” was all about.
Yep. They taught my husband to be financially independent when he was still in high school. Only positive thing they taught him. Like he and his sibs say, they were 5 strangers living in the same house. They weren’t a family.
“They worked summers, and sometimes had part-time jobs during the school year, though we didn’t encourage that because we wanted them to concentrate on their studies”
My kids work during the school year, although they don’t work during their sport season other than some weekends. They all know that college is a privilege, something they earn, and we’ll help pay for as much as we can. They know they can’t go to any college they want and that it depends on how much academic and even athletic scholarship money they get, unless they want a mortgage payment once they graduate. However, they know they have family and we’ll do whatever we can to help them out.
“They all understood, but also understood that if they truly needed some extra money from time to time, we’d help them out. They worked summers, and sometimes had part-time jobs during the school year, though we didn’t encourage that because we wanted them to concentrate on their studies. They’ve all turned out to be thrifty people, and have even told us they were glad that we didn’t hound them about their grades, and scholarships all through school. We reminded them once or twice, and that was it. They took it from there.”
That’s the way it’s supposed to be, imo.
I started babysitting when I was 11, and throughout high school I usually had two jobs at the same time, bought my own clothes and my own lunches, and paid for my own entertainment. Back then, many other teens I knew did the same. I was very thrifty and saved my money. At 18, I paid cash for a trip overseas and bought a car.
So, I never expected my parents to pay my college tuition. And, because I'd saved so much money, I had to pay full tuition. :-( But, guess what, I never had any debt that whole time. And, because I had to pay tuition on my own, I took those classes very seriously. ;-)
OTOH, my folks DID help because we always were welcome in "our" home, whereas other teens I knew were tossed out at 18. For the first two years, I stayed with my parents and commuted to college.
I've come across a few people my age who weren't allowed to work as teens. Their parents wanted them to focus on their studies. And I can understand that. Other parents not only paid their children's college tuition but bought them cars and paid for mostly everything. The way I see it, it's their money, and they can do what they want with it. They wanted them to learn independence living at college. But, personally, I believe people learn independence when they are expected to do for themselves.
As I tell my own children, there's POWER in working and earning your own money. They can't wait to be old enough to work. However, as homeschooled students, they'll be expected to start college early, so we'll have to pay their college tuition in the beginning. By 18, they'll be expected to take their education further on their own, but our door will always be open for them. Of course, nowadays, I'm not sure how those plans will work out... With the downturn in the economy, many teens are having trouble finding work. The plans could change later...