Self-Inflicted Self Esteem

Campus Report ^ | September 11, 2008 | Irene Warren

[bs9021]

Self-Inflicted Self Esteem

by: Irene Warren, September 11, 2008

Psychologist Polly Young-Eisendrath, author of The Self-Esteem Trap: Raising Confident and Compassionate Kids in an Age of Self-Importance argues that we, as a culture, are undergoing a cultural change which she identified as a self-esteem trap: a time when parents continue to interfere with their children’s developmental growth by constantly protecting them, telling them they are unique or special, thereby setting them up for a lifetime of grief and disappointments.

To counteract what she believes is a growing phenomenon, Young-Eisendrath suggests raising children with the perspective that they are merely ordinary, simply living in an ordinary world with ordinary people. Young-Eisendrath claimed by doing this, children can relate better to others, as well as develop a real sense of self which allows them to become mature, responsible and happy adults.

Young-Eisendrath, who is also a Jungian analyst, bases the book’s premise around the baby-boomer parents. She claims children who have been cuddled by parents are not only spoiled, but are insensitive to others, suffer from low self-esteem or tend to lean towards the other side of the pendulum: being overly confident. ...

[pabianice]

This nonsense ends the day Little Precious applies for a job. Reality bites.

[pnh102]

This nonsense ends the day Little Precious applies for a job.

Even when mommy and daddy complain to the employer for not hiring their kid? :)

[GOP Poet]

My goodness what happened to church and basically do your chores, brush your teeth, go to school, be home at 5 we eat dinner at six, 'come here sweetie I want to give you a big ole' hug', going for an ice cream down the block?

Life has gotten so over inflated in our heads when it is really quite simple--we are born, we grow, we die.

[GovernmentShrinker]

Sometimes reality gets put off longer than that. I remember a coke-head classmate in law school who had a summer job at a big law firm lined up — by her father — months in advance of the end of first year classes. If she managed to pass the bar, daddy probably saw to it that she got a permanent job as a lawyer after law school too. Otherwise, I’m sure he lined up a non-lawyer job for her.

[RexBeach]

I agree!

This syndrome applies particularly, I think, to so-called “Helicopter Parents.”

I am told, by officials at my alma mater, that students sometimes speak to each parent as much as three times a day! The parents, in turn, zoom down to visit the kids frequently, and run interference for them with the college’s administration and faculty members. The prospect of being away from at home, at college, with others as a way to learn of the world is crushed.

Life, for these kids, has been totally controlled and recorded - every moment. Too many activities, weekdays and weekends. Life for them has become a wheel that never stops spinning; and Mom and Dad are always there, cheering them on to greatness.

I think there is something essentially incorrect about all of this.

But I was a history major and wouldn’t know what to call it.

[wintertime]

telling them they are unique or special, thereby setting them up for a lifetime of grief and disappointments.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Christian families teach their children that they are, indeed, **very** special. They are in fact children of a Heavenly Father. This is the source of true self esteem.

In addition, Christian parents teach their children that all people are very, very, special since all of us are children of God. From this belief comes true respect for oneself and for others.

Is human life ordinary? Well!....If a child is taught to believe this she will not hesitate to abort human life in the dank confines of an abortuary killing room.

[Marie]

I tell my kids that they are special. My son is bright, coordinated, athletic and attractive. My daughter is smart, wise, artistic and beautiful.

Then I tell them that all of that amounts to a hill of beans if they don’t do something with it. Being “special” or talented is not going to get you anything in and of itself. It doesn’t obligate the world to put shiny things in your lap.

In the end, we *all* have to work for what we want.

[Seamus Mc Gillicuddy]

You are: “Spot On!” I see this with some of my own nieces and nephews. The younger ones never just go out and “play” there is always some sort of activity lined up, i.e. soccer, flute, etc, etc. It’s like they don’t even have time to think for themselves! My one nephew was so incensed that he got stuck in the geek dorm his freshman year, that he badgered his mom every night, driving her insane about how he wanted to go to the college where “all his friends are.” Aren’t you supposed to go to college to learn first, then meet new people, and learn that there is life outside of the watchful eye of Mommy and Daddy? Sadly this is no longer impressed on much of our youth. Reality will hit them when they apply for their first job, and realize they aren’t too special anymore!

[ViLaLuz]

The biblical view works best: All are equal in the eyes of God, but each is unique and loved by Him.