DUmmie FUnnies 10-10-06 (Alec Baldwin Rabidly Rants Against Republicans)

In case you think the only ones with extreme BDS (Bush Derangement Syndrome) and uncontrollable hatred of Republicans are the anonymous moonbats posting on the Web, think again. I now present the case of Alec Baldwin whose full moon howlings match anything posted in DUmmieland or any of the other far left sites as you can see in his Huffingtonton Post BLOG titled, "The Embarrassed Republicans." Actually it is the Democrats who should be embarrassed to be represented by this foaming at the mouth celeb. However, I will give Baldwin credit for not even attempting to pretend to be morally outraged over the Mark Foley page scandal. Instead, Baldwin cynically admits that he is happy the scandal broke because he thinks it will help the Democrats at the polls in November. So let us now watch Baldwin's rabid barkings along with the howlings of the HUffington Post HUffies in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, enjoying the spectacle of the rageaholic falling apart before our eyes, is in the [brackets]:

[As we watch Alec Baldwin embarrass the Democrats with his uncontrollable rage.]

Sad to think that it took the Foley situation to get the "Embarrassed Republicans" to start voicing their embarrassment. Nearly six years of lies, incompetence, lies, hate, lies, corruption, lies and war. Misguided, meaningless war that has destroyed the landscape of Iraq and the souls of the Iraqi people. And what has the war done for us, other than line the pockets of Bush, and his father's friends?

Well, you know what they say, you can lie to the American people, take us into an ill-conceived war and subvert the Constitution in the process, but you diddle one page...and it's over. I hope it's over. I'll take the end of what Gingrich started, regardless of how we get there. If it's Mark Foley's body we step over, and hopefully Hastert's as well, then so be it.

[Thanx for dispensing with the phony pretense of moral outrage that the professional Democrats put on over the Mark Foley page scandal. At least you are honest enough to admit that this is ALL about harming the Republicans.]

DeLay may get away. Cheney. Novak. Armitage. Rumsfeld. All your crypto-facist scum, as well. Bush, too, who will have no trouble raising money from his war-profiteering friends for a library which, I would imagine, will be the most poorly attended of any in our history. That's one certainty we can see on the horizon. Bush really is the worst president in American history. I almost feel sorry for him. Talked into the whole thing by his Dad's cronies. Unskilled. Unprepared. Just a bible in one hand and a copy of the "The Prince" in the other. How many of us knew this would never come to any good? How many of us could smell this guy 500 miles away? 9/11, the most defining moment in our recent history, perhaps in all of our history because it happened while we are perceived as the lone Superpower, and Bush can't get any traction, can't get out of the mud. He's got nothing. Nothing left. Mark Foley's lewd e-mails may actually bring him down. The Embarrassed Republicans want to get this over with. If it was a show on Broadway, it would be closing. The investors want out.

[Baldwin's extreme BDS makes him rant so uncontrollably that he admits that the Foley scandal is ALL about harming Bush. BTW, this is exactly what the other Democrats think while pretending to be morally outraged over Foley.]

Unfortunately, we don't have that scenario in New York City. A story in yesterday's Times about students disrupting a speech at Columbia by the spokesman for the Minutemen group. They stormed the stage, etc. Mayor Mike "I'll Spend Even More If I Have To" Bloomberg said it was wrong to censor the speaker. This is the same great New York mayor who denied permits to protesters in Central Park during the 2004 Republican convention. No protests! During a convention! IN NEW YORK!!! I have many friends who have bought into Bloomberg's bullshit. Democrats who have forgotten the four "outer boroughs. I think Bloomberg is smart. He's a gentleman. And he's a phony. A Republican who bent over for this administration, which has done NOTHING for New York. If 9/11 happened in Houston, things would have been a lot different.

[Baldwin is so blind in his hatred for Republicans that he even rants against RINOs like Mike Bloomberg.]

In California, it seems as surreal as ever. Forget about education and skills and temperament and insight. Phil Angelides has no stock footage of him running from exploding trucks. He hasn't been seen dangling from helicopters, or snapping the necks of terrorists or aliens. Arnold has killed aliens with his bare hands. I suppose there are those who hope he will dispose of some other aliens as well. The California Democratic Party's ineptitude ought to be a lesson to the National Dems. They better start "casting." Casting the role of someone who, in the minds of media-drenched Americans, looks and sounds like a President.

[It sounds like YOU are auditioning for the role, Alec. Somehow I don't think Kim Basinger will be eager to play the role of the First Lady of Califonia. And now to hear from the other HUffies...

The investors: the oil men, the cluster bomb men, the rapture men, they'd rather have Osama bin Laden wipe out New York, LA and Chicago than have the Democrats take over in a month and investigate and procecute Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld/Ashcroft/Rice and the whole neoCon cabal they got so fat and sun-tanned on.

I have a friend in California (San Francisco) who tells me that the Angelides campaign is all but dead on arrival. There were too many mistakes made during the campaign (according to my friend, there was too little support from the national Democrats), and in the recent Governor's debate, Arnold all but steamrolled over Angelides. So, now... my friend's been told that the Angelides campaign will shut down sometime next week, and all of the precinct workers will be let go. Needless to say, my friend's not happy about it, because he, and several others, worked tirelessly for the Angelides campaign, and he was shocked and angered to learn that the voter turnout in

Well done again Alec. And we thought you were just a pretty face. BTW, YOU look Presidential. Just get yourself elected Governer of California, then run for President. It's easy. Reagan did it. Bush did it. You're smarter than both of them. You can raise the big bucks. Get into the Game!!!

We need to start asking HOW MUCH money has the Bush family made off this war, how much money has the Cheney family made off this war ??? How much have the Bush's Saudi comprades made off this WAR. I WANT A NUMBER. That Number needs to be PUBLISHED on the fromt pasge off all of the Newspapers.

[YOU WANT A NUMBER? I'LL GIVE YOU A NUMBER! ZERO! That's how many operating brain cells you have.]

This Foley is a creepy hypocrital blot on the landscape. But if he's buggered 100 pages it still barely rates as a misdemeanor on the Bush scale of criminality.

[The only one I know of who buggered pages is Gerry Studds who was "punished" for his deed by being re-elected over and over again by Democrats.]

why did boxer feinstein pelosi AND howard dean collude to foist such a clueless and unglamorous candidate on us??? I blame all of THEM. With all of Hollywood, they couldn't find a powerful goodlooking man?? The losses to the poor and working people will be profound, that's why I'm angry.

[Do they still have time to run Baldwin for governor? His raging rantings make for a great public freak show.]

IT IS THE MOMENT OF THE NEW WORLD TO COME TO ITS SENSES AND BECOME NEIGHBORS WHO HELP INSTEAD OF CRIMINALS WHO HELP THEMSELVES! DON'T JUST WITNESS THE END OF REPUBLICANISM!

BE A PART OF DESTROYING THAT BACKWARD PHILOSOPHY AND WRITING IT IN THE HISTORY BOOKS AS THE PAST! ALONG WITH THE ASSYRIANS, GANGUS KAHN, NERO, NAPOLEON, HITLER, AND BUSH!

[So why did they wait 11 years before throwing out the Democrats from Congress after finding out that Gerry Studds had sex with a page?]

I'll vote for Alec even if it comes out during the campaign that he's not a virgin.

I agree with your assessment of the future outcome for Bush and his fellow crooks. Also, good luck in your fight with Kim Basinger. No double she is being paid off by the GOP to harass you, because you surely do pose a threat to them.

IMPEACH! IMPEACH! 2006 MID-TERM ELECTION IS THE LAST OPPORTUNITY TO GET GEORGE W.BUSH IMPEACHED. IT CANNOT BE DONE WITHOUT HAVING A DEMOCRATICALLY RUNNED CONGRESS. ONE ASPECT WE MUST BE CONSCIOUS OF IS THAT GEORGE W. BUSH IS A LAME-DUCK AND HE CAN DESTROY EVERYTHING IN THE NEXT TWO YEARS WITH IMPUNITY. IF EVERY ONE OF US DOESN'T GET OUT THE VOTE OUR OPPORTUNITY TO GET REVENGE ON THE REPUBLICAN PLUTOCRACY WILL BE LOST IN NOVEMBER.IF WE DO NOT ACHIEVE OUR OBJECTIVE THEN WE MUST NOT HAVE BEEN VERY COMMITTED TO OUR GOAL.GOOD POST ALEX!!!

If Alec Baldwin runs for and wins a Senate or Rep race, I want to make application to be an intern, a page or something...pleasepleaseplease.

[According to Kim, Alec gets his kicks out of loads of sadism. Enjoy your internship!]

An oldie, but relevant today:

My Political Awakening At The Baldwin Fundraiser

Oh, my God! My eyes have finally been opened!

You may be wondering what could inspire such an exclamation. Well, if you attended the recent Democratic fund-raiser in Hollywood that I did, you would certainly share my excitement. It was hosted by Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger, and it really changed my life.

If you are a fan of Xena - Warrior Princess, you may be familiar with my work. I was recently added to the cast as Norvak The Peevish. Before that, my only film role was that of Maurice, the gay neighbor with a heart of gold in “To Gillian on Her 37th Birthday”. Although I only had one line - “Is your dog spayed?”, my emotional delivery led to my landing the role on Xena, America’s eleventh highest rated weekly show in syndication!

Now that I am something of a star, I received a personal invitation from the Hollywood Assistant Director of Democratic Fundraising. Following the advice of my agent, I immediately had my Dad wire the $5,000 mandatory donation, and sent my RSVP back.

Now, I have to admit that I’ve never really followed politics much. I mean, I knew that Ronald Reagan was the meanest President ever, and his Vice-President Quayle was really stupid. (I wasn’t completely ignorant!) But ever since Bill Clinton beat those guys in the election (twice!!), I kinda felt that everything was going really well and I didn’t need to worry. This weekend’s fundraiser really woke me up.

As soon as I entered, I could feel a special warmth from all the participants. Ms. Basinger personally greeted each of us at the door. I was trembling with excitement as I made my way down the receiving line. I was sure she wouldn’t know who I was, so imagine my surprise when she took my hand and said, “Welcome, I really admire your work.” I couldn’t believe how sincere she was. The guy behind me was even more impressed that she knew him. His only screen credit was a crowd scene in “My Giant”. She really made us feel at home.

Once everyone was enjoying cocktails, Kim (I call her Kim, now) gave a brief overview of the menu. I was already enjoying the fo-grass, so imagine my surprise when I found out it was vegetarian fo-grass. She went on to describe how they make real fo-grass. If I recall correctly, she said it was made out of cow brains. They make the cows live in a little box and force feed them to make their brains bigger. Now, I know eating steaks and bacon isn’t really nice to cows, but hey, we can’t all be Sister Teresa. Eating their brains, however, is really cruel. I don’t know how anyone could do that!

I didn’t really hear much of the rest of what Kim said, because by that time, I was standing next to a vision of loveliness. “How do you like the fo-grass?” she drawled in a somewhat realistic southern accent. I thought, “Think of something clever, Andre. Reel this bird in!” But all I could say was, “Good.”

She ignored my initial shyness, and continued, “I’m Tiffany. Are you into politics?”

I was determined to keep her interest - so I lied, “Yes, in fact, I used to work for a senator.”

“Oh,” she seemed impressed, “Which one?”

How could I not have seen that question coming? “Think,” I thought, “Think politics. You must know one senator.” Finally I came up with a name - “Senator Washington.” At first, I wasn’t even sure if there really was a Senator Washington (I told you, I don’t follow politics).

Of course, she had heard of him. She was really informed. “I really admire the work he does for children and animals. What state is he from again?”

“Washington,” I guessed. I must have a psychic streak. I was right again!

“It’s so nice to meet people who try to improve the world. My fiancee once told me, ‘We can all try to improve the world’. I’ll never forget that. It’s so true.”

Her fiancee! Shot down, I muttered, “Your fiancee must be very special.”

“He was,” she fought back a tear, “He’s dead now.”

Back in action, I consoled, “Oh, I am so sorry. How did it happen?”

“He died a hero. He was an animal liberationist. One Saturday night, he broke into a Military Research facility. He climbed onto the roof and jumped down fifteen feet into their lab. He released twenty-five monkeys from their cages. Unfortunately, he couldn’t climb back out the window. On Monday morning, they found his bloody sneakers on the floor, and one of the monkeys was wearing his scalp. That was all that was left.”

“Wow. How noble.”

Our conversation was interrupted when the amazing Alec Baldwin took the stage. This man is an intellectual giant. From the moment he opened his mouth, I knew I had a lot to learn.

“Good evening, all you half-assed jerks. Do you think it’s enough that you show up at a fundraiser and throw a little money at our problems? Republicans still hold many offices in this nation, and you jackasses go about your business like nothing’s wrong. When will you learn? These people are evil. You’ll all act surprised when they throw your stupid grandmother on the street. They have no compassion for the elderly. Don’t you know they want to kill old people!?”

I swear I didn’t know that. Here I was thinking that everything was going OK, and the Republicans are out there trying to kill old people. I thought of my dear father, and my dear mother, and my first dear stepmother, and my first dear stepfather. My second stepmother was a bit cold, and my second stepfather was dead. I still haven’t met my third stepfather, but that’s beside the point. Alec continued to illuminate the horrid political system in this country.

“Do you know they want to kick down your door tonight and arrest you for having sex!?”

Tiffany looked at me and blushed. Cool!

“They are giving children guns. The kids are gunning each other down at their schools. No condoms for the first graders, just more guns!!”

I heard about those school shootings. The Republicans! I should have suspected them.

“I hope you can get used to living without whales, and dolphins, and rainforests, and television. The Republicans are gonna get rid of all of that.”

Television!! Why wasn’t I told about this sooner!

“Didn’t you listen to Jane Fonda. Millions of children dying of starvation, in Georgia alone! But you fat simpletons don’t care! You sit there and you eat your vegetarian fo-grass and wait for someone to fix the problem. Well, get ready for the concentration camps. That’s where we’re all going. You think about it. You think “Ellen” got canceled ‘cause her ratings sucked? Fools!!”

Ellen who? And I’m originally from Georgia. Wow, have I been out of touch or what?

“I hope you feel satisfied. Be thankful that none of you are black! Except Whoopie. Kisses, Whoopie. The Republicans are gonna put the blacks back on the plantation. Someone’s gotta pick the cotton. You don’t think it’s gonna be Biff and Buffy, do you? They’ve already started rounding up the blacks. How many of you have seen any African Americans in your neighborhood, besides Whoopie and the domestic help?”

Not a single hand went up. Why wasn’t this on the news?? And I thought the conservative media bias was just a rumor.

“The only way we can fix this nation is to destroy the two party system. We need one party rule.” He shot his right arm up and in front of him, with one finger extended. Then he brought his arm back to his chest and repeated the motion. “One party rule! One party rule! One party rule!” Soon the whole crowd was thrusting their right arm out and up. It made for a really powerful visual. I don’t know why nobody else thought to rile up a crowd like that before.

When he finally left the stage, Tiffany and I were exhausted. That night, I put a chair in front of the door, to keep the Republicans out while we had sex. She moved into my house the next day. We’re really in love.

And my political education is just beginning. I have to get Dad to wire me $10,000 for next week’s fundraiser (Tiffany is between jobs). Ed Asner is going to speak about the true effects of our policy in Central America in the 1980’s (whatever did happen to that Ayatollah?) It should be a lot of fun - Woody Harrelson’s bringing brownies!!

- Andre

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