DUmmie FUnnies 05-25-06 (Is Jason Leopold Working For ABC News?)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 25, 2006 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

The search is still on for Pied Piper Pitt, last seen downing large doses of "medication" at Bukowki's. His Furorbunker location is still unknown and at this time we have no report on when he will emerge to confront the Hoaxmas backlash. However, it is now suspected that his partner in crime, Jason Leopold, is currently working at ABC News as evidenced by a completely unsubstantiated (and quickly refuted) STORY that Leopold-like sources have told that news organization that House Speaker, Dennis Hastert, is under investigation by the FBI. Of course, the DUmmies, upon hearing this "news," beat a well-worn path to their ultimate Freudenschade when they PREMATURELY celebrated the Hastert's downfall only to have to eat crow immediately afterwards when this story did not pan out as you can see first in this DUmmie THREAD titled, "HASTERT IS BEING INVESTIGATED BY THE FBI," followed soon afterwards by their Eating Crow THREAD titled, "Justice Dept. denies Hastert under investigation." So let us now watch the DUmmies once again worshipping at the Jason Leopold School of Journalism in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, deriving much Schadenfreude from the DUmmie Freudenschade, is in the [brackets]:

House Speaker Hastert under investigation: ABC

[WHEEEEEEE!!!! BREAK OUT THE VICTORY CHAMPAGNE!!! POP THOSE CORKS!!!]

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives,Dennis Hastert, is under investigation by the FBI, which is probing corruption in Congress, ABC News reported on Wednesday.

ABC, citing high level Justice Department sources, said information implicating Hastert was developed from convicted lobbyists who are now cooperating with the government.

Part of the investigation involves a letter Hastert wrote three years ago, urging the Secretary of the Interior to block a casino on an Indian reservation that would have competed with those of other tribes.

Hastert's Press Secretary told ABC in a statement: "We are not aware of this." Hastert's spokespeople were not immediately available for comment.

[Is this a Jason Leopold scoop?]

Oh, please. Please let this be true! Please let this be true! Tell me the corruption goes into the Speaker's Office and into the Senate Majority Leader's office! Oh please!!!!

[OH PLEASE! PRETTY PLEASE! LET THIS BE TRUE SO I DON'T HAVE TO EAT CROW ANY MORE! PLEASE, LUCY, DON'T PULL THAT FOOTBALL AWAY FROM ME AGAIN JUST THIS ONE TIME! OH PLEASE!!!]

I share your plea ... PLEASE!! Take Denny down too!!!!

[PLEASE!!!---No more Crow!]

Of course it goes right to the top. The question is: Will anything ever come of it?

[Have no fear. Your Freudenschade is just around the corner.]

Will anything ever come of it? - let's see if tweetie reports on it??

[Let's see if TruthOutTheDoor reports on it.]

Starting to become clear why he came out so hard against the FBI raiding a congressman's office. It has nothing to do with Seperation of Powers with these f*cks. It's all about protecting their own criminal behavior!

[Once again, a DUmmie adds 2 plus 2 and comes up with 5.]

That's exactly what I thought when I read the article after my moment of celebration.

[Yes, that premature celebration which is always the prelude to DUmmie Freudenschade.]

right behind Rove. Hastert will get indited right about the same time that Rove does........ which is never.

[And this DUmmie WINS a Kewpie Doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity!]

I'll believe it when I see the FBI kicking in his office door... and hauling out all his papers and computer drives. Oh, and just to expedite the investigation, interrogators should strip Hastert, smear him with pee and feces, beat him, let a vicious dog bite him several times, and rape his family while he watches, since Bush and the GOP have condone torture as a valid tool for obtaining information. After all, if he's got nothing to hide, he's got nothing to worry about!

[This ABC News "scoop" is about to be smeared with feces. Speaking of which, how are Robert Luskin's cat stools doing today?]

Oh God Do Do I Hope They Nail His Criminal Ass. Take Em All Down. This could be very fun to watch...

[Not nearly as much FUn as watching the DUmmie Freudenschade Crow Eating Ceremony which is just around the corner.]

The timing is soooo sweet...

[Especially so coming right on the heels of Hoaxmas.]

Contrary Report from Bloomberg News from a few minutes ago... Justice Department Denies ABC Report of Hastert Investigation

[So would you prefer your Crow roasted or fried?]

Gotta replace him before the impeachment might go down! They want someone clean in place in case Bush/Cheney are both impeached/resign before the election, so that a "Gerald Ford-type" can take over then, and keep the "pardon" option open later. Hastert isn't clean enough for that role and Bushco knows it!

[I guess the plate of crow hasn't been served to you yet. Look at the previous post.]

Something smells!! Reuters printed ABC's story and then retracted it within an hour!!

[Fooled again by another Rovian trick! And now on to the DUmmie Crow Eating THREAD.]

Justice Dept. denies Hastert under investigation

[You know, I think I can learn to enjoy eating crow. If I use my imagination, I might convince myself that it tastes like something between chicken and turkey. Well, only if I close my eyes real tight and imagine real hard.]

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Justice Department took the unusual step Wednesday of declaring that it was not investigating House Speaker Dennis Hastert.

The statement by department spokeswoman Tasia Scolinos came in response to a broadcast report that Hastert was being investigated as part of a lobbying scandal and amid the furor surrounding the weekend raid on the offices of Rep. William Jefferson, D-La.

Hastert had sharply criticized the raid and called on Justice Department officials to return all the documents that had been seized.

Asked if he was being investigated, Hastert said late Wednesday that he has not received any notice from the Justice Department that he’s being investigated as part of the Jack Abramoff probe.

[And Lucy pulls the football away.....AGAIN!!!]

Where is this from?

[Kentucky Fried Crow.]

Maybe Hastert made them back off somehow. I wouldn't doubt it a bit. Hastert comes out swinging against Bush, Bush tries to punish him with the FBI. Hastert then says "up yours" and has something to make Bush back down.

[A nude photo of Helen Thomas?]

[Charles Henrickson]

PLEASE!! Take Denny down too!!!!

So now let's see. . . . If Chimpy is impeached . . . and I heard Cheney is being indicted by Fitz . . . and now Denny Hastert is about to be removed . . . then under the Line of Secession does Algore or Jean-Fraud Kerry become President?

[visualops]

[visualops]

What's really bad is that a few most of these goth-types are actually fairly normal

There you go :)

[Choose Ye This Day]

What is WRONG with you kids these days? (Not you personally, Darkwolf--you've repented.)

But, seriously, may I ask a question: WHY ARE HIGH SCHOOLERS READING NOAM CHOMSKY? Or listening to Al Franken? Don't they have better things to do? When I was in High School, I read music magazines. I listened to the latest Scorpions Lp (that's a vinyl record, for you whippersnappers). I thought about girls, girls, and more girls--I didn't think about the deleterious effect of American imperialism on the third world!

I just don't understand this generation.

[Democratshavenobrains]

They will belive EVERY SINGLE LIE as long as it confirms their worldview of Republicans. They are that stupid.

[SoothingDave]

Maybe Hastert made them back off somehow. I wouldn't doubt it a bit. Hastert comes out swinging against Bush, Bush tries to punish him with the FBI. Hastert then says "up yours" and has something to make Bush back down.

Shouldn't the DUmmies be rejoicing, since this is evidence that another "coup" has taken place? First the military,. now Congress have overthrown the President.

SD

[chesley]

47

[Darkwolf377]

Well, it's been 23 years since I was in high school, but the high schoolers I see every day at work are reading Franken and Moore because it's the new rebellion. We didn't have FOX and CNN when I was in high school, and the music these kids listen to--rap, Slipknot, that kind of thing--is all about anger, and these kids are ANGRY...and they've got very little to be angry about in their own lives, so they need an excuse for that anger. They often say to me "You're a Republican, aren't you?" when I gently question the PC crap the liberal teachers are shovelling at them.

They are thinking about the deleterious effect of American imperialism because it's being shoved at them from "non-political" corners, and like those who went to peace rallies to get girls, it's the hip thing. It's the new conformity, and as with all such movements, those conforming like to see themselves as rebels.

[Paradox]

Bukowski'

Ya know, maybe I am just a really twisted, south park type freeper, but when talking about Pitt, whenever I see the word "Bukowski", I read it instead as "Bukkake"...

[Darkwolf377]

Bukowski, for all his flaws, was the real deal. That photo of Pitt is hysterical, real metrosexual wannabe, posing in his little earing and stubble and hat. I can imagine him in one of those Bukowski theme bars in his sunglasses looking around to see who's watching him be cooooool.

Bukowski himself would probably hit him up for drinks and money and lose him when he went to primp in front of the bathroom mirror and get on his cellphone to tell 47 of his friends "Guess who I'm buying drinks for right now?!?!?!"

[MadIvan]

There is no connection between Goths and DUmmies. I'm sure a few DUmmies think they're Goths, but their naive faith in the power of government and their quasi faith in something as easily disproved as socialism means they're not skeptical enough to be goths. :)

Regards, Ivan

[Darkwolf377]

Thanks for sharing...I need to go puke now.

[Seamoth]

I read politics in middle & high school too, only of the right wing propaganda kind (which in many ways is just bad as Noam Chomsky... brainwashing is brainwashing after all). Can't explain why, except perhaps that kids have too much pent-up energy from not getting enough play/exercise outdoors and not being challenged enough in classes

[Seamoth]

the music these kids listen to--rap, Slipknot, that kind of thing--is all about anger, and these kids are ANGRY...

Hmm, good point, and my psychologist relative also blames the same trend on music. It seems nearly every person under age 30 is walking around with earphones. They look like spaced-out robots being given their operating orders!

[Seamoth]

not that there's anything wrong with listening to music... but if you're listening to ANYTHING 24/7... you'll get reprogrammed!

[Charles Henrickson]

That's exactly what I thought when I read the article after my moment of celebration.

Freudenschade (FROY-den-shah-deh), n.: the premature exhilaration of the DUmmies at an anticipated blow to BushCo; misplaced Schadenfreude, as in, "I'm FINALLY opening up that bottle of champagne! freudenschade baby!"

FREUDENSCHADE
Tune: "Edelweiss"

Freudenschade, Freudenschade,
DUmmie joy bears repeating;
Pop champagne, feel no pain--
Only thing, it's so fleeting.

Make 'em eat crow and the gloom will grow,
Gloom will grow and sour.

Freudenschade shoots its wad
In less than twenty-four hours.

FREUDENSCHADESCHADENFREUDEFREUDENSCHADELICIOUS
Tune: "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious"

Freudenschadeschadenfreudefreudenschadelicious:
Even though the sound of it is something quite pernicious,
If you see the DUmmie glee for things that are fictitious--
Freudenschadeschadenfreudefreudenschadelicious!

Because they wanted Rove to walk
Just like he was a frog,
You should have heard the DUmmies talk--
They read it in a blog!
But then their champagne bubble burst
Before they drank a lick;
They must be cursed to die of thirst
'Cause Fitzmas fizzled quick!

Freudenschadeschadenfreudefreudenschadelicious:
Even though the sound of it is something quite pernicious,
If you see the DUmmie glee for things that are fictitious--
Freudenschadeschadenfreudefreudenschadelicious!

So when the DUmmies celebrate
Some supersecret "news,"
Just summon up this word and wait,
You've got a term to use;
But you should practice saying it
As often as you speak:
The DUmmies fall for piles of Pitt
At least two times a week!

Freudenschadeschadenfreudefreudenschadelicious:
Even though the sound of it is something quite pernicious,
If you see the DUmmie glee for things that are fictitious--
Freudenschadeschadenfreudefreudenschadelicious!

[Paradox]

There is no connection between Goths and DUmmies.

I immediately thought of MadIvan when that message popped up. My experience with young Gothers here in town is that there are two types, the posers, and then those who really think about things. The latter tend to be anti-establishment, but that includes anti-liberal as well, more libertarian. Doesn't mean they love Bush, but they tend to hate Al Gore more.

[MadIvan]

You can't be a Goth and love Al Gore. For lack of a better term, the "twerpiness" of the man makes that impossible.

Regards, Ivan

[Choose Ye This Day]

Yes, I think that reading Ann Coulter or Russell Kirk in H.S. is every bit as bad as reading Chomsky or Franken. You only have so many years as a teenager, and you should spend that time doing productive things like racing cars, chasing girls, catching girls, etc.

IMHO.

[E Rocc]

There's no doubt about that. Bukowski wrote the screenplay for Barfly, it was indeed semi-autobiographical, and he made a cameo in a dark bar. Said bar being even more his style than the main bar in the movie.

-Eric