DUmmie FUnnies 12-16-05 ("Quick! Give me your stereotype of a 'typical Republican.'")

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | December 16, 2005 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

Quick! Give me your stereotype of a "typical DUmmie." How about dogmatic, clueless, and so gullible that he/she/it will readily hand money over to an obvious con artist for merely promising the possibility of overturning a presidential election. While the DUmmies are residing impotently in their Alternate Reality, they love nothing more than to take potshots at conservatives in general and Republicans in particular as you can see in this THREAD titled, "Quick! Give me your stereotype of a 'typical Republican.'" So let us now watch the typical DUmmies rage in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, perparing to don his jodhpurs for a day of polo riding at the Republican Country Club, is in the [brackets]:

Quick! Give me your stereotype of a "typical Republican."

[Quick! Give me your stereotype of a "typical Democrat." All you need to do is envision members of a typical asylum full of angry frustrated inmated raging long into the dark night. Dennis Kucinich comes to mind. Oh, and let us not forget Al Gore.]

A hollow suit . . . or a diehard redneck . . .

[Or a diehard redneck in a hollow suit.]

Pudgy, self satisfied asshole who cares not for the suffering of others. Someone who values things more than people.A clueless dolt with the transmitter stuck on LOUD and ALWAYS ON; and whose receiver is broken. In one word: SELFISH.

[George Soros?]

Me! Me! Me! yup, that about says it. That is all they ever seem to be about.

[Who? Hollywood liberal celebs?]

thin lipped butf*ck. With repressed deviant sexual proclivities.

[Did you post that while waitin on line to see "Bareback Mountain?"]

Gordon Gecko, the uber-capitalist from the flick Wall Street. Can't get more rigid and stereotypical than that.

[How about uber-capitalist David Geffen? Plus he is REAL.]

Fat, smug, homophobic, planet-rapers.

[I just got done ravishing Greenland.]

Most I know are former liberals

[Those are the folks who wised up.]

Typically dressed in brown. slightly awkward step.

[And you are so pretty in pink with that cute minced step.]

They are afriad of new ideas.

[Like Spell Check?]

Uneducated. Low-class. Lives in a trailer and watches NASCAR. Never read a book in his life because those are for "librul eletests". Can't find Australia on a map, even when offered a carton of Marlboros to do so. Self-absorbed and full of hate. Superstitious. Intolerant. If lucky, writes and spells like a fourth grader. In short, a knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing Neanderthal who, despite all evidence to the contrary, believes himself to be the pinnacle of human evolution (except he doesn't believe in evolution because his pastor told him it was the work of Satan and he always agrees with everything his pastor says).

[Speaking of spelling like a fourth grader, check out the DUmmie post just above yours.]

For a female Republican, I'd have to say the God Warrior lady comes to mind. Immensely fat, missing teeth, too many screaming children. Flies into foaming-at-the-mouth hysterics over absolutely anything that doesn't exactly match her world view or that Bill O'Reilly thinks she should be hysterical about ("The War on Christmas!!! Dork-sided!!!! Yargh!!!" *head spins around and spews pea soup*). Thinks child discipline is a smack on the back of the head accompanied by "ya'll shut up before I whup ya". Prays for healing from God before she tries the doctor. Wears a giant cross over her Bedazzler (tm) shirt so that everyone she meets will know how godly she is.

[You're on a stereotype roll! Don't stop now. Continue...]

Both of these creatures have no and want no actual facts at their disposal. They become extremely threatened when people present actual facts in the course of political or religious discussion, forcing them to engage in ad hominem attacks like "Why do you hate America?", "My pressedent is going to put all of you librul faggot baby-killer goat f*ckers in concentration camps!", and the old favorite, "You love Saddam Hussein".

[Have you spoken to Ramsey Clark lately?]

I like being urban, smug, self-righteous, and over-educated, and I've seen enough rural ignorance to last me the rest of my life, and I could give a flying f*ck what Joe NASCAR or you or anybody else thinks about my attitude on the subject. That's right, I'm an unapologetic elitist in YOUR Democratic Party. And you can't do a damn thing about it. Hope it pisses you off all day. Have a nice afternoon.

[Is that you, Congressman Fortney ("Pete" for the Peons) Stark?]

A fat white bald guy, in an expensive suit, with a Roladex watch, smoking a cigar, and being driven around in a Lincoln Town Car.

[Thank you for that accurate description of Ed Rendell.]

When I think "typical Republican", the image I get is of a middle aged white guy making only slight more than minimum wage. Racist, homophobic, VERY angry about their shitty life so they use liberals as a scapegoat, driving a full sized truck with about 10 of those "support the troops" ribbons that were made in China on the back, totally lacking a sense of humor and proudly displays that fact by continuing to tell Clinton-blow job jokes (and thinking they are "clever" or "original" with those jokes), believes that liberals' are trying to take their guns and Santa Clause away from them, repeats the phrases "commie" and "socialist" but can't actually define those words, gets all their "news" from Fox "News".

[Um...speaking of being VERY angry with their your shitty life...]

Rich. Went to the best schools. Summers in New England, winters in Palm Beach (And uses the words summer and winter as verbs.) Wears $3000 suits and handmade shoes. Belongs to the best clubs, where he and his friends conspire to rip off the public.

[Michael Eisner?]

Somebody with a large bank account and an expensive car, house and 2.5 kids

[Jail that capitalist criminal!]

two subspecies. the dumb gun-toting redneck flag waving bible thumper and the wealthy, greedy, suit wearing, sexually repressed, christian business man

[So much for all that blather right after the 2004 election about reaching out to the Red State folks.]

Republicans are people who honestly believe that they are God's gift to the world and therefore they deserve only the best, no matter how they get it. They honestly believe that others who they perceive to be beneath them, deserve as little as possible. They want to own and control it all, whether it be a small enterprise or a worldwide corporation. They have no sense of how a community functions. They are highly manipulative and typically live in a fantasy world dictated only by their personal wants and needs. They are not (almost never) what you'd call generous. They need deprogramming.

[They need deprogramming? So are you LIHOP or MIHOP? Give us some astrological forecasts about the political future. Have you chanted any faux Hopi Indian prayers this morning? which Alternate Reality do you believe i? Oh, and did you attend the Inauguration of John Kerry on Jan. 20? I BEEEEELEEEEEEVE!!!]

Micheal Dell. And I will NEVER buy a dell computer and give him one dime of my money.

[NOW you tell me! Too bad I just bought another computer recently or I would have bought a Dell.]

Snacks on paint-chips, has a protruding forehead, with two or three teeth in their mouth..

[You forgot to mention the horns in that protruding forehead.]

[NRA1995]

I am very into the arts--theatre, opera, etc--and I get along perfectly well with other people who do until politics come up

The first time that I and the guitarist in my band shared a ride, he started off on a rant about "those goddam Republicans"; I let him finish, then I calmly said, "Rick, I'm one of those goddam Republicans....now would you like to ride or get out and walk?" You could hear crickets chirping for a full five minutes.

[NRA1995]

When I think "typical Republican", the image I get is of a middle aged white guy making only slight more than minimum wage.

Uhhhhh....DUmmie....you just described the entire guitar/bass sales staff at Bill's Music House here in Maryland, and I KNOW they're all Democrats!!

[decal]

"...believes that liberals' are trying to take their guns and Santa Clause away from them..."

Someone took the sanity clause away from this one long ago.

[Charles Henrickson]

The typical Republican, according to the DUmmies, comes in two basic types: Rich, or Redneck. So let's see how well either of these stereotypes actually fits a real Republican, namely, me.

Let's take the Redneck first:

diehard redneck. . . . rural ignorance. . . .

I have never lived in the South and have absolutely no desire to live there. It's not for me. I'm a Northern city boy, grew up in Chicago.

Uneducated. . . .

One Bachelor's, two Master's, and a dissertation away from a Ph.D.

Lives in a trailer and watches NASCAR. . . . Joe NASCAR. . . .

Have never lived in a trailer. I have never seen a NASCAR race, nor will I ever see one. Absolutely no interest. Baseball fan.

Never read a book in his life. . . .

Just in the last couple of years I have read several dozen heavy-duty scholarly works, totaling tens of thousands of pages. In my life I have probably read more serious academic books than just about anybody on DU.

Can't find Australia on a map, even when offered a carton of Marlboros to do so. . . .

I have made about 10 trips out of the United States, to 8 different countries, for a total of about 8 months. And I don't smoke cigarettes.

Intolerant. . . .

No, I'm tolerant of people I disagree with and disapprove of. That means, I do not favor punishing them. But "tolerance" by definition includes the idea of disapproval. I tolerate them, I put up with them, but I do not approve of what they are doing.

writes and spells like a fourth grader. . . .

I have had a number of articles published in academic journals. I've just finished translating a series of essays from Swedish into English for publication in a book. I've been the research assistant for two published books. I've edited a newspaper and a journal. I scored in the top 1% in the nation in the Verbal section of the Graduate Record Exams (GRE) for college graduates applying for graduate school. I read and work in seven languages.

Racist, homophobic. . . .

I have friends of all nationalities. I am not homophobic: I do not "fear" homosexuals. I just disapprove of their aberrant, deviant, unnatural, immoral behavior.

driving a full sized truck with about 10 of those "support the troops" ribbons. . . .

I don't like pickup trucks, and I find those ribbon thingies too tacky and faddish for my taste.

believes that liberals' are trying to take their guns. . . . dumb gun-toting redneck. . . .

I have never owned a gun, nor do I have any desire to own one. However, I support the constitutionally guaranteed right to keep and bear arms.

bible thumper. . . .

If by that you mean a "fundie" or "American evangelical," no. I am a sacramental, liturgical, confessional Lutheran, and I am critical of fundamentalist/evangelical doctrine and practice. However, on most social and moral issues, I would probably be on the same side as they are.

gets all their "news" from Fox "News". . . .

I don't watch Fox News, I don't have cable, and I rarely watch television at all.

So that takes care of their Redneck stereotype. I don't fit it at all. As to the other stereotype--the rich corporate type--I have to laugh. I am not now, nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be, rich. I am barely middle-class. But I believe in economic opportunity for all, unfettered by the restraints of excessive taxation and forced redistribution of wealth.

While not fitting the DUmmie stereotypes of Republicans, I am, though, white, male, heterosexual, married, a father, and a Christian. So that makes me a pretty sure bet to be a Republican.

What makes me a social-political conservative is my belief in two things: 1) the Constitution, which limits the powers of the federal government, and 2) traditional public morality--the sanctity of life, of marriage, of the family; charity at a personal and local level toward the neighbor in need; etc.

[Flux Capacitor]

----Fat, smug, homophobic, planet-rapers.----

"DANG IT, BOBBY TERRY, AH TOLD YOU TO STOP STICKIN' IT INTO TREE STUMPS!"

-Dan

[GeronL]

UM, what do they mean by 'typical Republican'??

I'm a conservative. Period. I believe in the maximum amount of liberty and least bit of state interference possible.

[GeronL]

Rich. Went to the best schools. Summers in New England, winters in Palm Beach (And uses the words summer and winter as verbs.) Wears $3000 suits and handmade shoes. Belongs to the best clubs, where he and his friends conspire to rip off the public.

Do these dunderheads really think the majority of voters in the last election were 'rich' et al???

[GeronL]

Oh come on.... certainly there is nothing more important to do than to scour DU and post maybe 5 or 6 DUFU's daily, maybe 2 on weekends....,P>Blood Pressure be darned =o)

[Watery Tart]

"Quick! Give me your stereotype of a 'typical Republican.'"

And here we have the essence of their political "arguments." And their prep time.

"Quick!"

[185JHP]

Seething, suppurating bile-fueled nastiness. Thanks for your work and please add me to your Ping List.

[Watery Tart]

Pudgy, self satisfied asshole who cares not for the suffering of others. Someone who values things more than people.A clueless dolt with the transmitter stuck on LOUD and ALWAYS ON; and whose receiver is broken. In one word: SELFISH.

[FormerACLUmember]

LOL

[Ostlandr]

Great one, PJ!

Curiously enough, I fit the libs' stereotype of themselves:
public employee, union member (not by choice), non-Christian, high IQ, environmentally sensitive, tolerant to a fault, thrifty about use of gasoline, electricity, etc. (not necessarlily by choice), well-read, some college.

And yet somehow I'm a gun owning, patriotic right-winger who wants the enemies of peace and freedom hunted down and shot. Go figure.
Must have been growing up in a trailer that did it. If we'd fallen back on the taxpayers instead of going for owned housing that we could afford, I might have turned out differently. Nah, I don't think so.

[Fenris6]

They are afriad of new ideas.

LOL. All of the "new ideas" of the last decade have come from the Conservative movement. All the Dems have offered is hate and discontent. Liberals are the most ignorant intolerant close-minded bigoted people I have ever come across.

[FreeAtlanta]

I was wondering if he is the professor from "the Water Boy".

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

Fat, smug, homophobic, planet-rapers.

LOL!!! Whole lot of hate going on with these liberals...

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

Most of their women are ugly down to the soul.

Janet Reno, Madeline Albright, Ruth Bader Ginsberg, that kooky nut-job old-biddy reporter, the list goes on and on...

[69ConvertibleFirebird]

LOL!!!! This is too good! He looks like he's afraid of that "nasty thing" that he has in his hands!

[beckysueb]

Snacks on paint-chips, has a protruding forehead, with two or three teeth in their mouth..

Like Paul "The Forehead" Begala.

[rockrr]

I can definitely relate.

Like the "Nuge", I blow political stereotypes outta the water. I get huge enjoyment in watching he reaction when people find out that the this long-haired hard rocker is also a hard-core conservative.

I was the only conservative in the last band I was in. The closer to the 2004 elections, the more pointed were the remarks that a couple of the other band members made. Finally they had had enough. Not able to win a single argument, they told me that "the band is breaking up". Two weeks afterward, they reconstituted themselves, sans me. I had to laugh out loud at that. You see, we had a running joke that when we had to fire someone, we would take them out to lunch first (I guess it was meant to soften the blow somehow).

These cretins didn't even have the class to treat me to lunch first!

After five years of coaching and prodding, of pleading, cajoling, and threatening, in order to get these morons to actually commit to doing something other than smoke a bowl, I was tired of the games, so I haven't looked for another gig. Instead, I have caught up on relationships and other projects.

I understand that they have played (once or twice).

Very impressive!

(At least they don't have to worry about dissenting opinions! ;'}