It’s all taste and feel!!!
Let her hold them and tell you what feels good to her. Let her shoot some and tell you what feels right to her. Insure she wears her normal cloths and takes her purse with her into the range. Let her put the gun into and out of the purse and determine herself what is right for her.
It’s her gun, let her pick it out! She will eliminate those that are to big, to heavy, awkward, have to much recoil, are ugly to her all by herself. You don’t need a gun genius to pick a gun for her.
Most people are quite rational. Most gun manufacturers are OK. It’s all about what’s right for you. I have huge hands, I’m 6’3’’ and a heavy gun is no big deal for me. I shoot a lot, so a 45cal is no big deal either. I carry a Kimber but my wife has a SIG 230. My wife does not feel right with my gun and I don’t feel right with hers. My little finger is off the her grip and this annoys the $hit out of me. But it’s perfect for her. There is no right and wrong answer here. Her SIG fits well where she carries it. My 45 would not.
We’re not going to war here. For a personal defense weapon even a small 9mm short will suffice. If someone wants to rape her and she shoots the fellow in the face, he will probably change his mind. She’s not competing for IPSC or going to Baghdad. Factors like common logistical support for a larger force, long term exposure to salt water and dusty/sandy environments are no issue I hope? The gun will most likely not even get fired that often. The criterion for selection needs to be what she is willing to carry and work with.
Red6
Finally, a voice of reason. I would no more pick out a firearm for a lady than select her shoes. It's up to her to select her personal defense whether it's pepper spray or a assault weapon.
The lady has to go to a gun store and shoot the rentals before she can make a logical choice. She has to find something that fits her hand. She has to have the safety and slide lock positioned where she can reach them.
Most people have enough money to support a new lifestyle and firearms are exactly that. Practicing takes time but at least it's fun.
Last note, a firearm shouldn't be kept in a purse or any other baggage. My own personal opinion is if she's going to use it for personal defense it should be concealed under her clothing at all times. There are enough women fashions that make this possible.