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How I Handle My Wife (VANITY - worth the long read)
7/21/05 | Peacebaby's Husband

Posted on 07/21/2005 12:13:55 PM PDT by peacebaby

My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Peacebaby. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Peacebaby to get a full-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the Golf Course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner.

I don't yell at her; Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now, it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed. I really think my experience as a teacher helps a lot. I consider telling people what they ought to do to be one of my strong points.

Now that she has gotten older, she does seem to get tired so much more quickly. Our washer and dryer are in the basement. Sometimes she says she just can't make another trip down those steps. I don't make a big issue of this; as she finishes up the laundry the next evening, I'm willing to overlook it. Not only that, but unless I need something ironed to wear to the Monday lodge meeting, or to Wednesday's or Saturday's poker club, or to Tuesday's or Thursday's bowling, or something like that, I will tell her to wait until the next evening to do the ironing. This gives her a little more time to do some of those odds and ends like shampooing the dog, vacuuming or dusting.

Also, if I had a really good day on the course and it was wet and muddy, my clubs are a mess, so I let her clean them, you know.....get the grit off the grips and a little light Brillo on the club faces at a casual pace. My golf bag is heavy so I lift it out of the trunk for her. Women are delicate, have weak wrists and can't lift heavy stuff as good as men. But I did tell her I don't like to be wakened during my after golf nap, so rather than bother me, she can put them back in the trunk when she's finished.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the yard.

I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for her self, she may as well make one for me too, then take her break by my hammock. That way she can talk with me until I fall asleep.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Peacebaby. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do, how frustrating women get as they get older. However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed, Bob

EDITOR'S NOTE: Bob died suddenly Thursday. He was found with a Calloway extra long 50 inch Big Bertha Driver II rammed up his ass, with only 2 inches of grip showing. His wife Peacebaby was arrested, but the Grand Jury accepted her defense that he accidentally sat on it and she was released on Friday.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: bigfatmistake; bowling; golfcalloway; husband; laundry; marriage; mensclub; niceknowinya; paininthea; paybacktime; poker; wife
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1 posted on 07/21/2005 12:13:55 PM PDT by peacebaby
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To: peacebaby

[Snicker]


2 posted on 07/21/2005 12:17:04 PM PDT by Zack Nguyen
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To: peacebaby

LOL!! I got half way through it and was thinking, "My wife would never tolerate this crap!"


3 posted on 07/21/2005 12:17:55 PM PDT by cardinal4 (Senate Dems- striving for a level of petulance and immaturity seen only in pre schools..)
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To: peacebaby

That is cute. For some reason it reminded me of this mother in-law joke:

Dear Tide,

I'm writing to you to say what an excellent product you have. I've used it since the beginning of married life, when my Mom told me it was the best.

In fact, about a month ago, while at my mother-in-law's house, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. She started to berate me about my drinking problem. One thing lead to another and I had a lot of her blood on my white blouse, as well.

I tried to get the stain out using her bargain detergent, but it wouldn't come out. On my way home, I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide and all of the stains came out.

So well, in fact, that the DNA tests were negative! I thank you, once again, for a great product.

I now have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.


4 posted on 07/21/2005 12:17:56 PM PDT by retrokitten (www.retrosrants.blogspot.com)
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To: retrokitten
I now have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

***************

LOL!!

5 posted on 07/21/2005 12:19:08 PM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes.)
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To: peacebaby

I was married to his brother ;)

Wanna go out for lunch sometime sweetie?


6 posted on 07/21/2005 12:19:32 PM PDT by najida (The hardest person to forgive is yourself.)
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To: cardinal4

It takes a sense of humor to survive a marriage, doesn't it?


7 posted on 07/21/2005 12:19:58 PM PDT by peacebaby (summertime, and the livin' is easy. The fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high.)
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To: peacebaby

Thanks for the sage advice. Maybe I'll ease up a little on the wife...And hide the golf clubs.


8 posted on 07/21/2005 12:22:25 PM PDT by BufordP ("I wish we lived in the day when you could challenge a person to a duel!"--Zell Miller)
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To: najida

Lunch? No, dinner, followed by drinks at HIS COUNTRY CLUB at HIS EXPENSE! But first we shop at Neimans' with HIS AMEX CARD!


9 posted on 07/21/2005 12:24:25 PM PDT by peacebaby (summertime, and the livin' is easy. The fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high.)
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To: peacebaby

Geez! And there some people who don't believe in the death penalty.


10 posted on 07/21/2005 12:25:04 PM PDT by Temple Owl (19064)
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To: peacebaby; eyespysomething

I'm sorry to hear about Bob. He sounds like a really nice guy. Until I read about his ... er, accident ... I was going to commiserate and tell him I experience many of the same problems with my wife who is only 37.


11 posted on 07/21/2005 12:28:43 PM PDT by SittinYonder (America is the Last Beach)
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To: SittinYonder

Well, you know what they say about paybacks!


12 posted on 07/21/2005 12:32:32 PM PDT by peacebaby (summertime, and the livin' is easy. The fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high.)
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To: BufordP; All

I'm "sitting" pretty, what with his life insurance.

Sorry he wasn't "sitting" well last time I saw him.


13 posted on 07/21/2005 12:33:51 PM PDT by peacebaby (summertime, and the livin' is easy. The fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high.)
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To: peacebaby

Dumb and crude.


14 posted on 07/21/2005 12:39:17 PM PDT by freedomson (Tagline comment removed by moderator)
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To: freedomson; najida; SittinYonder; retrokitten

Dumb, yes. Is suppose to be.

Crude? Much less crude that 50% of the posts on the FreeRepublic.

Nonetheless, I never like to offend. My apologies.


15 posted on 07/21/2005 12:45:53 PM PDT by peacebaby (summertime, and the livin' is easy. The fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high.)
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To: SittinYonder

"""I'm sorry to hear about Bob. He sounds like a really nice guy."""

He'll be missed!


16 posted on 07/21/2005 12:46:15 PM PDT by RedwineisJesus
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To: peacebaby
Nonetheless, I never like to offend. My apologies.

Don't apologize. Ignore him or tell him to stuff it, but you didn't do anything to apologize for.

17 posted on 07/21/2005 12:47:58 PM PDT by SittinYonder (America is the Last Beach)
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To: peacebaby

Hun,
Don't apologize. FR is an equal opportunity offense site. Someone will always be offended.


18 posted on 07/21/2005 12:48:35 PM PDT by najida (The hardest person to forgive is yourself.)
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To: peacebaby

Hah! May I send this to the ladies on my email distribution list, please?


19 posted on 07/21/2005 12:49:15 PM PDT by jennyjenny
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To: jennyjenny

absolutely. We gals need to stick together.

Burn your bras, honey! Throw the man out with the dish water!

BTW: my husband and I have 25 years of marriage behind us!


20 posted on 07/21/2005 12:52:22 PM PDT by peacebaby (summertime, and the livin' is easy. The fish are jumpin', and the cotton is high.)
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