He or She Is The Wrong Man or Woman For The Court

Iowahawk ^ | 7/20/2005 | David Burge

[StoneGiant]

He or She Is The Wrong Man or Woman For The Court

Critical Urgent Community Action Bulletin
from the Progressive Action Network For American Progress
For Immediate Release

The Progressive Action Network For American Progress is extremely concerned by today's news that President Bush has selected ___JOHN ROBERTS___ as his nominee for the vacancy on the United States Supreme Court. Unlike outgoing Justice Sandra Day O'Conner, the widely respected and admired moderate consensus sensible mainstream compromisist, ___JOHN ROBERTS___ has a shocking record of extremely extreme legal positions that fill us with grave concerns about ___HIS___ fitness for this critically crucial office.

Make no mistake: no one should be fooled by the administration's public relations efforts or ___JOHN ROBERTS___ 's seemingly "moderate" appearance. ___JOHN ROBERTS___ has a record that suggests that ___HE___ would deny women the right to reproductive choice, stop important life-saving medical stem cell research by extending the Patriot Act to draft their unwanted fetuses, and turn these conscripted fetuses over to dangerous tax-supported 'Creationist' religious laboratories. The Supreme Court is a lifetime appointment, and America needs to know whether  ___JOHN ROBERTS___ supports the GOP's secret plan of a Rush Limbaugh Jesus army of unwanted, unquestioning fetus zombies who will be trained to urinate on the Korans of Guantanamo  detainees. 

We should also point out that our opposition to ___JOHN ROBERTS___ has nothing to do with the nominee's race and/or gender. We at the Progressive Action Network For American Progress have long been on record of standing up for the civil rights of  ___WHITE MEN___ , rights from which  ___JOHN ROBERTS___ ironically, has benefitted. Sadly, rather than create programs and begin to work on the real problems that concern ___WHITE MEN___ , the Bush administration has cynically forwarded an unqualified, token candidate like ___JOHN ROBERTS___ to mask its callous indifference to the  ___WHITE MAN___ community.

WHAT YOU CAN DO

In response to this shocking nomination, we here at the Progressive Action Network For American Progress are joining forces with other mainstream grassroots progressive activist organizations -- organizations like Peace Power Community Now Network, Grant Proposers for Justice, NairBusters, Out of Our Wombs!, UpChuck.org, ToothACHE, and Sitcom Producers for the American Way. Over the next few weeks we will be encouraging the Senate Judiciary Committee to take a close look at  ___JOHN ROBERTS___ and  ___HIS___ extremist views on the critical legal issues that face all of us. While we will be working hard to get out the word in Washington, ordinary progressive citizens like you can do your part as well. First, write your newspaper and/or Senator and let them know that you will not stand by idly while  Bush and Company install a pseudo-" ___WHITE MAN___"  like ___JOHN ROBERTS___ on the nation's highest court. Here's a letter to get you started!

 

Dear Senator __________

As a constituent and a voter in our great state of ___________, home of the famous ___________, I am proud that our state enjoys the the nickname of "Cradle of ____________s." This is why I must strongly urge you to oppose the nomination of ___JOHN ROBERTS___, a dangerous extremist whose legal rulings threaten to endanger our state's beloved ___________, making us no better than Mississippi.

Sincerely,

Your Name Here

Be polite and remember to fill in your Senator's name and pertinent facts about your state. If you are from Mississippi, replace "Mississippi" with "California". Also, replace "Your Name Here" with your name, unless your name is actually "Your Name Here."

Another thing you can do to help is to find more information about ___JOHN ROBERTS___ . The people who know ___HIM___, what do they say about ___HIM___ ? Was ___HE___ ever in trouble with the law?  Frequently, ___WHITE MEN___ like  ___JOHN ROBERTS___ have arrest records in their youth. If you are near ___JOHN ROBERTS___ 's hometown of  ___UNKNOWN___, try searching in the local police archives  for the  ___JOHN ROBERTS___ name or possible aliases. Also, think hard -- are you certain that you have not been personally victimized, or assaulted by ___JOHN ROBERTS___? Search your recollections carefully. Scientists tell us that millions of us suffer from Repressed Memory Syndrome -- a debilitating psychological problem where victims are unable to recall a painful physical or emotional trauma, such as being physically violated by  ___JOHN ROBERTS___. If you do not remember this happening to you, please call us and we will get you the help you need to recover your mind and start the road to healing.

Consider the consequences of inaction: with   ___JOHN ROBERTS___ on the bench, millions of Americans may lose their constitutional rights, Air America, perhaps even their grant money from George Soros. We here at the Progressive Action Network For American Progress ask you to please do your part. Our very democracy depends on the grassroots action of committed progressives like ___YOUR_NAME_HERE___ .

 

[SittinYonder]

Iowahawk usually has pretty good satire. I'm surprised that with something as big as a Supreme Court nomination he let it go with running a press release and not writing something himself.

[xcamel]

Critical Urgent
Community Action Bulletin from the Socialist Action Network For American Liberals
For Immediate Release

Dear Members,

We are So Pitiful.

Chuckie and Leaky suggest that you immediately jones for a quarter, and call somebody with a shoulder to cry on.......

wailing and gnashing of teeth continues for several more paragraphs

"Jonesin Joe Stalin"
National Kommisar

[voletti]

Nice one!

Iowahawk's reputation ain't undeserved.