US Senators Take Time Off to Fly Gitmo Attack Missions

Bucky Report ^ | 6/29/05 | Skid

[skid]

Langley AFB, DC By taking time out of their busy congressional duties, several congressmen have been finding time to fly attack missions on the US Detention Center in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba as part of Operation Muslim Fury.

The operation is part of a two-pronged effort to appease the Islamic world while at the same time attempting to scratch out the eyeballs of America. The offensive began last week when Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) launched into a scathing vindictive against the military's treatment of terrorists, comparing them to Nazi's and communists. But when the comments never had their desired effect, the tactical side of the operation was launched.

"The senator never intended to rely on just his words to make a difference," one senior staffer told us. "He knew the American people would reject them so had these missions planned out months in advance." He added, "Rattling sabers can only do so much. After awhile, you have to be able to back up your words with force."

The missions in question are made up of two- and four-ship formations of F-23 Black Widow II fighter aircraft that launch from a secret hangar here after dusk. "These jets aren't even in the inventory," admitted one inebriated crew chief. "They won't allow the Pentagon to have them but they think they are pretty cool so they had some made up just for themselves."

These intrepid congressmen, once airborne, fly down the Atlantic coast to Cuba where the sorties target various command posts and security fortifications at Camp X-Ray in the hopes of opening breaches to allow the prisoners to escape while also harassing the enemy to destroy their moral.

"We sprang a surprise this time by approaching from the south," reported one senator citing an upcoming election as reason for her anonymity. "Biden and Reid came in under the radar and just creamed the western fence-line with their 500-pounders. Me and Teddy held off the bastard Marines with a couple of strafe passes. It was a pretty awesome sight!" When the legislator-patriots were told that a dozen US soldiers where killed in the action, the blonde New Yorker simply stated "Collateral damage, what can I say. It was the fog of war."

But in the middle of all the high-fiving and back slapping, Cmdr. Durbin asked the sweat-soaked revellers to observe a moment of silence for a fallen comrade who was lost last week after being shot down in a dogfight with an Air Force F-15. "Let's not let 'Tiny' Daschle's life be in vain," he told his squadron-mates. "Tomorrow, thanks to our new anti-aircraft gunner, I promise you we will once again have air supremacy over the skies of Cuba. Three cheers for Jane Fonda."

"Hip, hip, hooray. Hip, hip, hooray. Hip, hip, hooray!!!!"