DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]

[Amityschild]

FINALLY! I figured out what IIRC means :-)

[commonguymd]

do we have a link to the fact he landed in baltimore on the 4th. can't seem to find that one right now.

[KJC1]

Unless, he's referring to having spent the weekend in Ohio, then the checks beat him there for the actual surgery on Monday.

I see your point. Let's keep both possibilities in mind.

[commonguymd]

i was copying off the big du funny link - http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1400691/posts?q=1&&page

It was in there. I will try to find it again.

[KJC1]

Here's one, that Krodg dug up.http://www.dailykos.com/story/2005/5/4/205248/4169

There is also a DU thread titled "ANDY HAS LANDED IN BALTIMORE!!" that hopefully someone can find.

[I_like_good_things_too]

Hi-- His copy drew my attention too, because of the lack of bank name on it (yes, it had a routing number, but how many people really know to look for a routing number?). But the customer's copy of a cashier's check should never have the signature on it-- I have about 8 copies of cashier's checks in my file cabinet and not one of thesm has the signature showing on the customer copy. And about the two sigs-- again, different banks have different policies when/ if to require multiple signatures. Say, over $50k requires 2 sigs. It all depends on the bank. Which is why I contacted the credit union to verify that the checks were valid. I see no one else has confirmed this yet...

[MisterRepublican]

You know, all the folks involved in this have jobs waiting for them with Hillary!'s 2008 campaign. Fund-raising scandal is Hillary!'s middle name.

[lutz]

I'm still waiting for that too.

[Amityschild]

This story would make a better documentary than anything Michael 'Cheeseburger' Moore has made!

[lutz]

Hey, be aware that IT over at CU is saying that Andy definitely was in Baltimore on the 9th.

So, the thing on the 4th must have just been consulting? See what you can dig up, I've definitely got to take off now.

[KJC1]

No...I think "IT" just blew it. Undie landed in Baltimore on the 4th.

Unless Sfexpat2000 is a liar, LOL. She's the one who posted it over in the DUmpster.

[KJC1]

Also, see #625.

[I_like_good_things_too]

Oh, sorry, I fogot to answer your #3. Yes, it's possible that it was a credit union employee who has done something illegal to obtain those checks. Once we knew the credit union was in Seattle, I was expecting to hear that they were stolen (that would be really easy to do-- bank employee tells manager that they had to be voided out for some reason, but really takes them). However, once the credit union confirmed for me that the checks were legitimate, it takes that option off the table.

Now, it's also possible that the purchaser of those cashier's checks purchased the cashier's checks with BAD CHECKS themselves-- but it would be an unusually stupid mistake for the bank. The manager would likely have to have approved the transaction of that amount and would have placed a hold on any questionable checks, etc... It's "doable", but much more complex transactions involving several banks required to do it, along with complicity of some sort by the manager of the credit union.

[commonguymd]

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/1400691/posts?q=1&&page

post 30 and 160 is where I got it.

Here is another link someone posted from the 1st: http://www.seattlefordean.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=2023

"Many of you will remember Andy Stephenson from his primary run for Washington Secretary of State. You may also know Andy from his work on Black Box Voting and electronic voting issues. Andy has been a leading advocate for electronic voting reform, and is personally responsible for much of the attention this cause has received.
Today, Andy needs our help. Andy has been diagnosed with a cancerous tumor on his pancreas, and requires surgery, which will be performed the second week of May. Because of Andy’s sacrifice for the cause of electronic voting reform, he does not have health insurance and is unable to cover the costs of this surgery.
Andy is at Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, and they require $25,000 upfront to schedule this surgery. As of this writing, Beth Ferrari has negotiated with Johns Hopkins to schedule the surgery if we can provide $15,000 this Monday, May 2, and $10,000 soon thereafter. The entire surgery is slated to cost $50,000. Beth has done amazing work in negotiating with Johns Hopkins.
If you are able to contribute in any way, please don’t hesitate.
1) via USPS: send a check or a money order to: Andy Stephenson P O Box 25624 Seattle, WA 98165-1124
2) via Paypal: (You must have a Paypal account) here. After logging in, choose "Send Money" and enter Andy's email address as the recipient: Andy_Stephenson@comcast.net
3) via Amazon here.
Just enter the amount and click "pay now."
!!!IMPORTANT!!!
If you can contribute, please email Beth Ferrari at info@dougzilla.com so she can track how much has been raised and report to Johns Hopkins. Activists are working with Johns Hopkins to secure a fee reduction, and we are working with members of our Congressional delegation to secure their help in this matter as well. In the meantime, Andy needs your help. I was contacted this afternoon and asked to spread the word about his situation, and I’m asking you to join me in helping Andy. Please forward this email to everyone you know, and please help financially. Over $11,000 has been raised in the last few days, and we need to keep pushing. This is a national effort."-message from Ray Minchew, Executive Director, Democracy for Washington.

I say it again - more than 50000. We are talking retirement funds

[speed_addiction]

Can someone post the number of the Veritas Branch where the checks were issued? I will call during a lull at work!

[KJC1]

Here is what "IT" just posted on CU:

Mr. Stephenson was in Baltimore, flew to Columbus on the 6th, went back to Baltimore on the 9th. I'm not a liar. You're just becoming more and more wrong.

Let's see. Does anyone know what Undie actually did on the day of the 9th? Heres why I ask: He has only one visit w/ the doc on the 5th, then jets off to Ohio on the 6th, to return to Baltimore the day before his scheduled surgery. Excuse me, but that sounds pretty ridiculous. Only ONE personal visit with the doc before such a massively serious surgery?

I've got to run out for a bit, but wanted to put this out there.

[speed_addiction]

Now, it's also possible that the purchaser of those cashier's checks purchased the cashier's checks with BAD CHECKS themselves-- but it would be an unusually stupid mistake for the bank.

No, you cannot buy a cashiers check with a check. It has to be cash or a draft on an account. I purchase serveral of these things a month to pay my fuel suppliers in amounts from $5000 to $20,000. I have drawn these at my bank since I have owned my business, but I even so they will not let me use a personal or company check. There are money laundering statutes that prevent them from being able to do this. You can't buy a personal money order with a check either.

[commonguymd]

I called Verity Credit Union at 206-440-9000 (they have a website at veritycu.com) and pressed 8 to talk to the operator. I told her I wanted to verify a cashier's check. She transferred me to a "chanelle" and I told her I wanted to verify a cashier's check. She stumbled a bit (not a totally common call to get, I'm sure, because people treat cashier's checks like they can't ever possible be forger or stolen-- but I know different) but then said she could verify if it was issued. So I gave her the check numbers and she verified the date issued, the amount and to whom it was issued.

from post 201

[I_like_good_things_too]

I was trying to make it simple. Because what you could hypothetically do is deposit checks into your account, then withdraw the funds to purchase the cashier's checks. But again, this would require extreme stupidity on the part of the bank to not have placed a hold on the checks, thus not allowing the withdrawal/ draft.

[commonguymd]

Well it could be that he travelled in and out - who knows - maybe he is in France. I would have been tracing the money to make sure it got there if I were him... YOu know in my previous post concerning seattlefordean.com they wanted a crap load (15000) of the money in before the surgery by the 2nd and then 10000 soon there after. what happened to that and why 32000 was sent but landed on JH's mailroom desk the week of the surgery that was scheduled? Doesn't add up.