DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

Since you worked in the banking industry, I have some questions for you. I have a copy of a cashier's check that I purchased in July 2004. I don't have any way to post it, but I'll try to make a reasonable facsimile of it here.

OFFICIAL CHECK
BANK NAME Note: The purchase of an Indemnity Bond may be required before any Official Check on this bank will be replaced or refunded in the event it is lost, misplaced, or stolen.	PURCHASER COPY	985471849 23-97 1020
Remitter MY NAME	Date July 02, 2004
Amount Four hundred Fifty Dollars and Zero Cents*
Drawn to the order of NAME OF PAYEE		$ 450.00
NOT NEGOTIABLE
Issued By Integrated Payment Systems, Inc. Englewood Colorado Bank One NA, Denver, Colorado		Signature of issuing bank clerk

Okay, now my questions. I realize different issuing banks may have different formats for their checks, but Undie's seem to be missing quite a bit on information.

Shouldn't there be a line showing who the check was issued to? (remitter)
Why is there no signature of the teller? Since this is supposedly a carbon copy of the check it should still show a signature. (Mine actually has 2 signatures. I'm not sure if one is the head teller or an auto-pen of the issuing authority, but the other is of the teller who gave me the check.)
Is it possible Undie has a friend who works at the bank and recorded these as issued to Undie without any money actually changing hands? Maybe that's why he referred to them as "hot" checks.

The lack of a signature really raises red flags. Is this not required?

looks good, and add that he says this before saying JH has been paid:

Andy_Stephenson Donating member (1000+ posts) Tue May-10-05 09:46 PM
Original message
Thanks to TheNiceGuyIsDead...
Edited on Tue May-10-05 09:47 PM by Andy_Stephenson

I am truly tired of being acused of fraud. I am fighting for my life here. Today I was slam dunked by the hospital...by a freeper and by this person. I will be mor than happy to return his $10. I would rather do that...and keep my integrity than not to and have someone think I am a fraudster. There is only one person I can think of that might possibly be behind this campaign and I think we all know who that is. I am so tired of being sick. It is beginning to take a major toll on me. I have given every fiber of my being to fair auditable elections...I, as sick as I am went to Ohio this past weekend to give others some of the knowledge I have...at great detriment to my health. I cannot believe a low count poster could have stirred up so much shit around me.

Yes my surgery was cancelled this AM because the certified checks Termite sent...sat on the manager of the mail facility's desk. Financial Services was either too lazy or busy to call and ask if they were there. Hell the damned things beat me to Baltimore. Believe me I did not do a bowel flush yesterday for fun. So if anyone here has a problem...thinks I am a fraud...wants their money back...say the word. I am an honest man and I would rather DIE with my good name intact than to take a dime from anyone that thinks I defrauded them. I am just that kind of guy.

To those that helped me...Skinner has the information to verify that I am a patient at Hopkins and I assume his silence this evening means he was not able to reach their office. Thank you everyone that did donate and thanks to Miss Waverly (who works at Hopkins) for putting Termite and I up tonight and for "as long as we need" a place to stay. She gave me her key this afternoon and suprise suprise...her house and all her valuables are still intact. Thanks Scubed...who wrote a personal check to cover the shortfall ($10,800)which was held by paypal yesterday...I did not use the check...but scubed made sure I had it in case I needed it. It is still in my wallet...not the actions of a fraudster...A true con artist would have gone straight to the bank cashed the check and absconded with the cash. I guess I am a dumb fraudster, perhaps I was in a diabetic haze.

So here is the result of MrNiceGuyIsDead's post and there are many others that I need to deal with now. This one was just the first one in the inbox. Let me know now if you want your money back...because in a few days I may not be able to ensure you get it back quickly as I will be healing...or trying to.

Thank you and Good Night
Dear Andy Stephenson,

We recently received a claim from a buyer regarding merchandise that either
was never received or did not match your original description. Please
understand that until our investigation into this matter is complete, we
may place a hold on funds associated with this transaction. For more
information, please review our User Agreement.

Details of Disputed Transaction

Transaction Date: May 1, 2005
Transaction Amount: -$10.00 USD
Transaction ID: 37S63xxxxxxxxxxxx
Case Number: PP-081-xxx-xxx
Buyer's Name: XXXXXXXXX
Buyer's Email: XXXXXXXXXX
___________________________________________________________

Andy_Stephenson (1000+ posts) Tue May-10-05 10:10 PM Response to Reply #37 44. I cannot stand by and have my integrity tarnished. If I die...my good name is all that will be left. God forbid anything happens...but it could. I have always tried to be honest and forthright. I am glad I did not see the original post...but the aftermath kept me awake all day with calls and having to provide proof I am sick. So tonight...I am exhausted...mentally and physically...and I am in a great deal of pain...physcical and mental. I should have been resting today after a night of no sleep...instead I have had to deal with this all day. Thanks MrNiceGuyIsDead...[deleted]...Oh I am sorry...was that a personal attack?

WilliamPitt (1000+ posts) Tue May-10-05 10:54 PM Response to Original message 103. Ya know what? That douchebag did you a big favor. You got bumped from the surgical rotation...and then [deleted] does his/her little thing...and then 1,000 outraged DUers call Johns Hopkins...and now you're back on the rotation.
Karma's a [deleted], TheNiceGuy. Thanks for being pretty much the biggest help to Andy in this whole thing.
As for You, Stephenson, get some sleep. I've heard years-long fraud schemes involving dozens of accomplices and transcontinental travel while faking interest in voting issues can be taxing.
Andy_Stephenson (1000+ posts) Tue May-10-05 11:00 PM Response to Reply #103 110. Ok Mr Pitt. I will try to get some rest. Because "years-long fraud schemes involving dozens of accomplices and transcontinental travel while faking interest in voting issues" is very taxing. Good night brother.
Andy_Stephenson (1000+ posts) Tue May-10-05 11:08 PM Response to Reply #109 117. I'm guessing we have another Bev Bot on board. Edited on Tue May-10-05 11:09 PM by Andy_Stephenson But what does a fraudster like me know?
Andy_Stephenson (1000+ posts) Tue May-10-05 11:19 PM Response to Reply #118 126. I hold no ill will...and forgive you But next time please ask me first before you go off half cocked. I unfortunately was not feeling well most of the day. I went 30 hours without food and 9 without any liquids at all.
Then to see all this...well the stress took it's toll on me today. If you have a question about me ask. I am usually very forthcoming.
I am fighting for three things here...1 My Life...a Voter verified Paper Ballot and 3 Healthcare for every American. Why would I jeapordize any of the three with a lie? Anyway...no hard feelings and thanks for the apology.
Andy_Stephenson (1000+ posts) Wed May-11-05 01:23 AM Response to Reply #157 158. I didn't actually get to eat brownies Edited on Wed May-11-05 01:24 AM by Andy_Stephenson and Thanks for the compliment.I wish ta hell I could sleep though....I am hurting real bad tonight. sitting up is the only position I am comfortable.
Andy_Stephenson (1000+ posts) Wed May-11-05 01:28 AM Response to Reply #160 161. I don't want to die! I am too young for all this Edited on Wed May-11-05 01:29 AM by Andy_Stephenson This [deleted] is all [deleted] up! I should not be having to worry about this. I am not so strong tonight...I am worried sick. Can't sleep and I am in pain. [deleted]! If this is how it is gonna be from now on...[deleted] IT. Nighttime is always the worst...This thing in me should be gone already. [deleted]!!!
Andy_Stephenson (1000+ posts) Wed May-11-05 01:34 AM Response to Reply #162 164. Mary Beth... I love you so much! You are such a patriot! I am honored and happy to call you friend. But your more than that...you are a sister. Now I need a tissue cause I am crying again.

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