DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]

[Purrcival]

LOL - so THAT'S where Baghdad Bob is!

[aBootes]

Bump for picking this up tomorrow.

[Deetes]

Oh no , I do not want to see DUmmie Undies butt !!! Yikes... I'm sure it's been seen by many many people before though... ewww !!!

[franksolich]

But his fingerprints would be nice.

For purposes of comparison.

[franksolich]

It's the weekend, and the weather's pleasant, and given that unlike the basement-dwelling DUmmies, members of Free Republic like the sun and fresh air and time with family and society, probably this thread is going to be a slow one--so don't expect much, in terms of "views" and "comments."

People on Free Republic have better things to do.

But I will continue DUMMIE ALERT!s sporadically over the weekend, so when Monday comes, and the "action" picks up again, those on the DUMMIE ALERT! ping list at least will have been kept abreast of the sinister doings of the felonious Andy.

[lutz]

Hey, you're from CU if I'm not mistaken. Can you pull up the post about the doctor who JH had referred patients to and post it here?

[lutz]

Ewwwwwwww~!!! >,<

[decal]

Did you check BOTH checks?

I ask because the ABA number of the top check, 32-6188/3250, is from a financial institution THAT NO LONGER EXISTS.

[Purrcival]

And on that note, I'm done here for the weekend. Talk to y'all on Monday afternoon.

Have a good weekend, everyone!

[decal]

Peter Angelos is the owner of the Baltimore Orioles; he's reputed to be so tight, every time he blinks his toenails curl up.

NOT the type to be doing a friend of some minion of his any favors.

[lutz]

Hehee~ So PJ, have you decided to dedicate a chapter of your DUmmie FUnnies book to the BBV & AndyScam when Mary finally publishes you? 'Silence of the Scams' is so appropriate for the chapter title too!

And if Skinner isn't doing what you say, he should be. His site and his own credibility are at stake here!

[lutz]

Well spoken Purrcival!

[BTHOtu]

Thanks for clearing this mess up for us, speed. If Bob says so, it must be true.

[speed_addiction]

Did you check BOTH checks?

I ask because the ABA number of the top check, 32-6188/3250, is from a financial institution THAT NO LONGER EXISTS.

That is what was getting me too. If both checks were issued by Verity Credit Union, then the numbers were altered. Why?

[decal]

THAT'S the reason Mr Pitt can't get any shuteye - he's got both his eyes looking out for Johnny Law...

[SoCar]

It is a mark of Pitt's combined megalomania and geopolitical stupidity that he thinks anyone gives a flying f*** in a rolling donut about his sleeping disorders.

You nailed it. Pitt is one of the biggest megalomaniacs I have ever seen. He posts some inane nonsense and the drooling followers respond as if he represents the word from above. And he has come to believe that he is that important and powerful. What a loser!!! I think he needs serious help!!!

[lutz]

AHAAAHAAA!!! ROTFLAMO!!!!

[decal]

Welp, it might just be a branch of Verity that's been closed, but IN THE LAST WEEK?

[Krodg]

Response to Reply #725
728. in case some of you don't know about andys surgery...


On this thread...


we got him into John's Hopkins a week ago thursday...my hubbys boss did it..and andy was scheduled to go june 2nd which would have given us more time to fund raise...but andy had to send his medical records in fed ex on a week ago friday..the doctor got them mon or tuesday..and reviewed them wednesday..and when he saw the reports and the pathology..he said..now...they moved the surgery up 1 month..and dr said the tumour must come out now..the cancer is controloable now..not a month from now...so he is scheduled for wednesday to go for pre op...but.....they did not know andy had no insurance..so on late thursday andy was told he had to have half the surgical costs by friday...thats when beth stepped in she negotiated waiting till monday for us to try our damnest to get the money ...so hence we are on the race of our lives ..for andys life.....this is one of the worst cancers one can have unless the tumour is removed immediately...this is the top doctor in the nation with the best results in getting this cancer and having a long life span after the tumour removed..well we all know simple surgery is not cheep...but we are determined to get andy this surgery..and to get it now..when he has a chance to make it and have a long life tumourless and cancer free....please pkease i beg you...give what you can give a dollar..give ten twenty ..fifty..give what you can...andy is our family member..andy is us..this could happen to any of us..at any given moment...give of your heart..please....and if you have given and you can give more.please do...and for all of you who have given..i thank you..beth thanks you..andy thanks you...and we all at du thank you for our family is what counts in life..nothing more and nothing less!!!

we are the real party of family values!!

and in faith in each other and for each other!!!

fly

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x3561640

[SoCar]

BTW, has Andy's treatments for his supposed cancer been either proven or disproven? Can someone please summarize the current status re proof of his condition? I do not have the stomach or the patience right now to read through DU, even with PJ's hilarious commentary.